First Blog Article (Grind Media)
I’m Kirrily. Your regular guest host/fellow rabble-rouser making the odd cameo! How are we all? Welcome to my Grind blog!
I am Bisexual and Androgynous. I would fall very left-of-centre here too! The last few years, I have felt more comfortable within my own skin, finally empowered to be loud and proud. It’s been a long and drawn out process! I have been incredibly blessed to have found a special someone this year, Kirsten. Yes, one of your awesome GRIND hosts! So proud and adore her for all that she’s accomplished in a relatively short amount of time.
Born and bred in Ballarat, on the outskirts to be exact. Grew up in the country, with my parents on a horse stud. I was born with Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele, a defect of the spinal cord, affecting lower body function as well as some cognitive loss (due to hydrocephalus). I was able to walk, up until the age of about 81/2 - 9, always a busy body with ballet, horse-riding and the like, prior to, and soon after I ended up in the wheelchair. This thing doesn’t stop me though! No Limits!
I completed year 12, just barely, in 2005. By then, in all honesty was glad to finish, with the loss of my mother in 2003. I noticed that I was different to most peers all throughout, particularly in late primary/early secondary school. I was not one who really loved school to be honest, especially in the years I endured bullying (primary years mostly and a bit in my early secondary years). I did have a few friends, but was mostly a loner. I was lucky though, to have the rare few (they know who they are), who were the greatest support, and honestly were a godsend, hearts of gold they had.
I noticed feelings and emotions I had, roughly around the age of 12/13, there were other girls at school, or teachers that triggered the cute awkwardness in me. Some developing into ‘crushes’. At the time, I didn’t have the confidence to tell anyone. Nor did I have the confidence in attempting to form relationships at that age either, so a bit sheltered too. In that era of the early 2000’s, sexuality that deferred from the norm was barely discussed. Let alone in the classroom, or within the school environment. Well, in saying that too, I took interest in both women and men generally speaking pop-culture and media wise (what teen hasn’t had a famous crush, right?!).
I can remember to this day, having countless arguments and strong discussions about equal rights as an adolescent and teenager. ‘Til I was blue in the face, the inner politic would emerge, stubbornly arguing towards elements of equality. Whereas one of my parents had strong opinions against. One of the questions I was constantly asked all through teenage-hood was the ‘so....is there something you want to tell me?’. To which, I gave the typical and very awkward ‘Ah no, I’m alright’. I can remember hearing various negative stereotypes thrown around, which each time made me squirm. My siblings often noticed this. The whole girl crush thing? Yeah, wasn’t a phase. Depression was a problem as well, despite the happy facade. Was always a happy kid, but deep down, something I was clearly unhappy about. And well, I’ve never been stubborn about anything. Ever. Really. OK, I kid.
Come the end of year 12, I feel more confident and liberated to be my true self. I started a TAFE course in the hope of getting into my chosen line of study, which I would eventually start at Deakin. During this time, I met many like minded people. I was conflicted about my identity, and it was these exact people who helped to start the thought process, making sense of thoughts and feelings. I will always remember these bonds formed, even though I lost contact with most of that group. Regardless, that year and following, I had the confidence to finally let my true self come to fruition. In moderation, since I was still living at home.
In 2007 at the age of 19, I started Social Work at Deakin Waterfront Campus, moving down to Geelong. Moved into a student share house not far from the other campus. I formed a friendship with one of those housemates. We’re practically like sisters now! She was one of the ones, who I had the courage to first come out to in my early 20’s. From then after, the friendship group grew, and told those friends my situation. All were so accepting, and kind of knew, so they said! I started to meet other people and then involved in the Queer Collective, regularly attending the meetups at a local bar in the city. I got to meet people like me, which again, the value of this support was and is still priceless.
I involved myself in the Student Association, firstly as a student representative for a couple of years, then briefly on the board in my final year as a Rep. During this time I learnt many skills, and tried to involve myself in as many activities as possible. A certain confusing and frustrating (for lack of a better word) attraction did develop at the time. I can remember being in a right fit, trying to describe to a friend what I was feeling, the confusion was driving me crazy. Why do I have this strong feeling? This can’t be right! I did everything to try and woo this crush. Alas, the feelings of ‘what are you doing?, you’re kidding yourself!’ soon combated this to say the least! ‘Why would someone like her, date someone like me?’. You know, the typical self doubt!
Yes, had relationships with a couple of guys, one long term and one short term. So, yes, OK, I’m no gold star but hey! But both, to be honest in hindsight both felt emotionally detached. Or, I was the one giving all the emotional energy. During this time, my attraction to the same-sex was honestly stronger, and more noticeable. Of course, more confusing too. Well, though, even though I am comfortable with what is...at times, still confusing and frustrating! haha!
Come 2010, I take a year off university to get my other leg amputated (had the first done in 2009). Having this done finally was liberating, something I had wanted since the age of 15. My legs being a dead weight below my knees, causing pain and constant wounds. And it is during this time also, I came out to my Father. Kind of assuming he wouldn’t be surprised given the previous lines of questioning. However, I was nervous. But, there I went, right at the kitchen table spontaneously telling him how it is. My brother already knew as he was the first family member to know. He took it well at first, then soon after went into denial, telling me I wasn’t, I’d always talked about boys and so forth. Yes. To him. To cover what was really going on inside my head and heart. I knew my feelings were more than incidental. I gradually told most of my extended family from there, and most were great! A rather mixed experience.
Fast forward a couple of years which at the time too, I was in the middle of my first year in another course. In the middle of 2012, I was hospitalised with a stage four pressure wound, that had gotten rather nasty after a second breakdown. Enduring numerous daily treatments, consultations and the like. Some I deemed unnecessary in my then deluded state of mind, over a period of 3-4 months. From hospital, I was then transferred to a Transitional Care Placement within an aged care facility. Feeling isolated, paranoid and alone. Constantly wondering what people’s intentions were, whether they were conducive to my recovery. From there, I was transferred to another aged care facility. 5 years on, at the age of 29, I am still there.
One of 0ver 7,000 young people unfairly trapped within the aged care system. A positive during this time I guess, was the discovery of my true self, not hiding anymore. Definitely conducive to better health overall in the last few years too! Not though, without witnessing death and dying on a daily basis, on top of the usual aged related circumstance. Someone in their 20’s should not have to witness this on a daily basis, where they live. Especially when the goal is recovery!
I have taken part in advocacy to help alleviate the ever-growing problem of young people with disabilities lacking the housing and supports they need to live in the community, in a place of their own choosing and destiny, working with organisations and chairing community groups to achieve this. I will continue to fight for this to be a reality for people with disabilities.
When I’m not doing GRIND stuff, I also proudly work for a new disability rate and review service, Clickability as their Social Media Manager. You can find it here; www.clickability.com.au, and have been doing so for nearly 2 years now! I love every single minute of it. Proud to be part of an organisation doing amazing things for people with a disability, their families/carers and the wider community. The Directors/Founders I have immense respect for! Doing awesome things, ladies. Keep kicking goals! Some great LGBTIQ+/Sexuality services listed on there too, worth checking out!
You may have seen me too, at a few rallies, famously donning my rainbow flag scarf! You can be rest assured that I will always take up the fight for us too, to have our rights realised, recognized and RESPECTED! The time is now for change! Solidarity, Comrades!
If there are any aspects you can relate to, feel free to contact me with your experiences!
Til’ next time, lovers!
Original Source: https://www.grindmedia.com.au/Kirrily's-GRIND---Guest-Co-Host.php