Firing with Heart: Bringing Humanity Back to Terminations

It's not every day you find yourself writing about firing people. It's not exactly a crowd-pleaser topic at parties. Imagine, “Hey, what did you do this weekend?” and replying, “Oh, I just refined my termination techniques!” Yeah, no one wants to hear that.

But here's the thing: we love talking about building great work cultures, attracting top talent, and making workplaces vibrant. Yet, we go quiet when it comes to the not-so-glamorous part of it—firing. As if pretending it doesn't exist will somehow make it disappear.

Spoiler alert: it won’t.

I've been on both sides of that uncomfortable desk. I've delivered the dreaded news, feeling like the world's worst person. And I've been the one trying to stay composed while my heart raced with anxiety. Neither experience is easy, but both taught me a vital lesson: how we handle these moments is everything. It’s a reflection of who we are as a company and as people.

So let's talk about it. Not with corporate lingo or pre-approved scripts, but as people who’ve been there, done that, and know we can do better. Because how we end work relationships speaks volumes about our company culture, just like how we start them does.

The Corporate Playbook: Where It Goes Wrong

If you’ve been part of a firing, some of these scenarios might sound familiar:

1. The Surprise Meeting: An unexpected invite to meet with HR and your boss. Rarely a good sign.
2. The Script Reading: "We regret to inform you..." Sounds more like a robot than a person.
3. The Immediate Exit: Access denied to your computer, and you’re shown the door, maybe with a security escort.
4. The Awkward Desk Clear-Out: A few awkward minutes to gather your things, under watchful eyes.
5. The Swift Goodbye: Your email stops working before you even get home.

If any of this rings a bell, you're not alone. Many companies stick to these methods, believing they’re efficient and legally safe.

But here’s the problem: these approaches focus more on protecting the company than respecting the person. They prioritize legality and efficiency over dignity. For someone who’s given years to a company, it can feel like a cold dismissal of their value.

And for the person doing the firing, it’s no easier. Reading from a script doesn’t lessen the discomfort. It just adds to the sense of disconnection from the human side of the role.

So why do we keep following this script? Maybe we think taking out the human element makes it less painful. But it doesn’t. It just makes it more alienating.

We have to accept that firing is never going to be "easy." It’s always going to be tough. But it doesn’t mean it can’t be humane.

The Breakup Analogy: When Jobs and Relationships End

Think about your last breakup. Whether you were the one initiating it or not, it probably wasn’t an emotionless conversation. So why do we treat job endings like cold business transactions?

A job, much like a relationship, has history. You’ve shared experiences, highs and lows. Maybe you’ve spent more time with your colleagues than with your family. You’ve celebrated wins, survived tough deadlines, maybe even shared a few post-work drinks.

And just like in a breakup, when it’s time to part ways, emotions are all over the place. There's grief, anger, fear, and sometimes, relief. But in our work lives, we’re expected to wrap all that up neatly and pretend it’s just business.

But we’re not robots. We’re humans, with all the messy feelings that come with it. Ignoring that doesn’t make things easier—it just denies the reality.

Think about how we handle personal breakups when we're trying to do it right:

1. We have honest discussions beforehand, addressing problems early.
2. We choose an appropriate time and place—not blurt it out at a party.
3. We explain our reasons clearly but gently, acknowledging the other person’s feelings.
4. We offer closure, maybe talking about what we’ve learned.
5. We (hopefully) part with goodwill, recognizing the relationship’s worth even if it didn’t work out.

Now, imagine we brought the same thoughtfulness to professional separations:

1. Regular, honest feedback so no one’s blindsided.
2. A private, respectful conversation.
3. Clear explanations with empathy.
4. Space for the employee to share their thoughts.
5. Acknowledging what both sides gained from the relationship.

Treating terminations more like breakups acknowledges the human side of work relationships. It’s not about making it painless; it’s about handling it with respect and integrity.

Of course, there are legal and practical aspects to firing that don’t apply to breakups. But the principle remains: respect and empathy matter, even in difficult moments.

Bringing Humanity Back to Terminations

So how can we make firing, if not painless, at least more humane? Here are some ways to start:

• Communicate Early and Often: Don’t let it be a shock. Regular feedback should be the norm, and if there are issues, address them well in advance.
• Choose the Right Time and Place: No Friday afternoon ambushes. Pick a time that allows the person to process the news and ask questions.
• Be Clear, Honest, and Empathetic: Explain why the decision was made, but do it with care. Avoid the cold, scripted language.
• Listen: Let the person speak, vent, ask questions. This isn’t just your moment to talk.
• Provide Support: Offer resources like outplacement services or positive references if appropriate. Show you care about their future.
• Plan a Dignified Exit: Give them time to say goodbye. Don’t lock them out of their email or Slack right away. Allow them the opportunity to connect with colleagues and wrap up their work, making the departure feel respectful and considerate.
• Follow Up: A quick check-in a few weeks later shows you still care, even if they’re no longer part of the team.
• Learn and Improve: After each termination, reflect on what went well and what didn’t. Use it to do better next time.

Implementing these steps isn’t always easy. It takes time, empathy, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. But the payoff—in terms of company culture, reputation, and basic human decency—is well worth it.

Now, you might be wondering: how can you handle this in a way that’s both compassionate and legally sound??

Here’s a simple but effective approach: start with the human side. Have the initial conversation in person, with empathy and transparency. Then, follow up with a formal email or letter that covers the necessary legal details. Let them know you’ll be sending this, so they’re not blindsided by the legal jargon. This way, you can protect both the person and the company, showing that you prioritize people while still covering your bases.

The Ripple Effect: Company Culture and Firing Practices

How you handle terminations doesn’t just affect the person being let go—it sends ripples throughout the entire company. It’s a powerful signal about your values and priorities.

Let’s think about the ripple effects:

• Remaining Employees: They’re watching. How you treat a colleague today is how they expect to be treated tomorrow. Humane practices build trust; cold ones breed fear.
• Management: Firing is tough on them too. Support them with training and resources to handle it compassionately.
• Recruitment: In the age of Glassdoor, word gets around. Respectful termination practices can actually attract talent.
• Company Reputation: Former employees become alumni. Treating them well, even at the end, encourages them to speak positively about your company.
• Overall Morale: Companies that handle tough situations with empathy foster a culture where people feel valued as humans, not just cogs in a machine.

Humane firing practices aren’t just about being nice—they’re a strategic advantage. They help build a culture where people feel secure enough to take risks and stay loyal, knowing they’ll be treated fairly, no matter what.

The Last Word: Rethinking the Firing Playbook

Firing someone will never be easy. It shouldn’t be. It’s about people’s lives, their self-worth, their future. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we can’t do it better.

How we handle these tough moments reflects who we are as a company—and who we are as people. It’s in these situations that our values are truly tested. It’s easy to uphold company values when everything is going smoothly, but it’s during the challenging times that our true character shines through.?

So here’s the challenge: next time you’re faced with a termination, forget the old playbook. Don’t default to the scripted, detached methods that turn a difficult moment into an impersonal transaction. Instead, bring your humanity to the table. Have a real conversation, one that acknowledges the person sitting across from you. Offer support, show respect, and make it clear that, while this is the end of their role with the company, it’s not the end of their worth or potential.

It’s not about making it easy; it’s about making it human. This is your chance to show that your company values people, not just processes. How you handle someone’s last day speaks volumes about your organization’s values—just as much as how you welcome them on their first. It’s these moments that define your company culture and make rewriting the playbook truly worthwhile.