The Fires in LA

It’s never been as hard for me to write about anything as it is about the fires in my city. They have been raging and spreading for a week in familiar neighborhoods and areas I don’t know. We have many friends and work colleagues and acquaintances who have lost their homes.

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My writing coach, Ellen, was my first friend whose home burned down, last Tuesday, almost a week ago, in Altadena.? She and her husband and several dogs are staying with gracious pals. Just a few minutes before writing this, my husband Tom told me of a colleague, Steve, a fellow I don’t know but who every year sends us a lovely holiday gift like wine or candles. Steve lost his home in Pacific Palisades, the location of the largest fire. Jon and Helene, our close buddies live in the hills of Encino and have gotten evacuation mandates.? No fires have reached them yet. Helene has been vacationing in Mexico all week and somehow has been able to stay there and not return. Jon has packed up boxes of important stuff and shuffled from one relative to another to sleep and work, avoiding the homes with cats and dogs, since he’s allergic.

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Tom and I live in a condo in Marina del Rey, on the beach and far from any dry scrub, brush or hills.? Although the fires have moved south into northern parts of Santa Monica, we are ostensibly safe ten miles away.? For now. We receive blasts on our mobile phones every few hours bringing us up to date on the spread, and we keep the local TV news on all day.? Two nights ago, I couldn’t sleep, watched the 3 a.m. briefings on the kitchen tv and ate a pint of peanut butter ice cream.

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We haven’t packed any of what’s called “Go Bags”, which would signify the coming reality of our home burning down.? Tom has promised me that if the fires move any further south of Wilshire Boulevard we will pack up.? Not move out yet but pack up. He is calmer than I; I think he's in denial.? I’ve had a constant belly ache for a week.?

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Our dog Roxie knows there is something quite wrong.?We are keeping all the doors closed, so she can’t laze on the terrace gazing at the ocean. We’ve cut out her hikes twice a week with Brad into the Malibu mountains where he says the air is “fair.”? I think she’s depressed, watching us move grimly around our home.

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Tom and I work at home, collected ample food from Gelsons last week, and have cancelled all our dinner dates with friends.? Nobody wants to go far, or even leave their homes at all.? We watch a lot of British murder mysteries on tv, lying on our bed with Roxie, leaving reality behind for many hours. It helps a bit.

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I feel many things, simultaneously and deeply. I can’t fathom what is happening to my beloved city, thousands of structures destroyed, the entirety of the beautiful hills of the Pacific Palisades and parts of Malibu demolished, probably not rebuilt in my lifetime.? I don’t really know Altadena where my teacher lives, but I have several good friends in nearby Pasadena, still safe, thank God.? I worry about them all the time.

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When I look out our doors towards the ocean, it’s a beautiful sunny day, blue-ish and gray sky, the mountains of the Palisades in sight. And yet, it’s very hard to breathe, the air is heavy and smelly, lungs congest quickly. Our beachside porch is covered with black ash. The wonder of the ocean and sky are deceptive.

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Right now, I feel both lucky and guilty. The fires haven’t reached us and probably won’t, according to Tom and our neighbors.? How is it that we’re safe – if indeed we are, (the cards aren’t all dealt yet ) when thousands and thousands of people are left suddenly? homeless? I’m at my computer, in my comfortable office, looking at the incomparable Pacific, where except for my nervous stomach, life is fine. What do I do with that information?

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I will volunteer tomorrow, at a disaster relief locale, helping to distribute food, clothing and all essentials to fire victims. Today, the winds, which have been quiet for a few days, are predicted to suddenly soar until the end of the week. That means more fires, more desolation and catastrophe.? When will it end?? Will life in LA ever return to normal?

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Governor Newsom said yesterday that this is the worst natural disaster in American history. If you live here, you already know. Our hearts are already broken. Please be safe.