Fired? Me? Now What?
Edy Nathan
Innovative Thought Leader in Grief, Trauma, and Sexuality | Keynote Speaker | Healthcare, Corporate Wellness, Long Term Care, Hospices | Author
By Edy Nathan
Long before COVID-19, people attempted to avoid the grief and trauma present after losing a job. With staggeringly historic levels of unemployment, emotional well-being is not doing well at all.
Did you lose your job? Are you immersed in a bout with grief? You’re still alive, right? Well, yeah, but… too often, a grief conversation is missing when someone loses a job. Too often, you’ll hear, “It’s not that bad.” Meanwhile, grief permeates the essence of the self: the self as a provider, as a success story, as an entrepreneur, or as the owner of their dream home. When grief causes you to question core values, it attacks your self-esteem, causing self-doubt and fear.
At this moment, in this time of a pandemic, there are few offerings in the job market—and yet, getting creative or breaking into a new career are certainly options. Looking inward at your seasoned talents and hobbies and outward for possible collaborators takes robust amounts of self-esteem. Yet, when role confusion, anger, or anxiety enter the mix, it's hard to tap into the needed energy to make new things happen.
It’s taxing to cope with grief, while financial issues are at the forefront of your mind. In this place of isolation and fear, and sometimes shame, the support of friends, families, co-workers, and even acquaintances falls short. But it doesn’t have to.
Recognize What You're Going Through
Ask yourself what you need rather than assuming you know the answer. Too often, when someone is in shock over the loss of a job, it’s underplayed: “It’s nothing; it’ll pass.” As unpredictable as this time is, it could be an opening for a creative opportunity.
This is a time when many people go through a phase of grief—a phase I call "role confusion": Who am I without this job? How am I going to make money? I identify as being a restaurant owner or being a bartender.
With emotions heightened and the job market in question, you may not be ready to hear advice. Be careful about who you decide to collaborate with, because unsolicited advice can often lead to other phases of grief, like anger and anxiety. If you decide to collaborate, listen to the proposal, listen to your intuition (yes, we all have it, now more than ever). Begin there. If someone wants your advice, they’ll ask. Sometimes collaborating involves letting go of an "I” as you become more of a "we,” and if you’ve had your own business, collaboration is not for everyone.
Job Loss Scenarios Are Often Followed by a Loss of Identity
This can lend itself to "Spaghetti Brain," where simple paperwork becomes a complicated task. For example, immediate paperwork related to the stimulus packages taps into an already limited supply of energy and focus. Ask for help. Maybe you can return the favor later when one of your friends is experiencing Spaghetti Brain. When filling out paperwork, ask for another pair of eyes to make sure there are no typos.
And don’t push yourself and your friends too hard. Prioritize the most pressing tasks and figure out what can wait until later. Slow down; you’ve got a lot of time on your hands. You’re not alone in your shock over the loss of a job and the loss of income.
If You Notice Anxiety in Your Loved Ones or Friends, Stay in Touch
If their fear is triggering for you, decide how much time you can spend with them. It’s not about them; it’s about you. Learn to create boundaries of what is good for you and what isn’t. Keep the conversation to what is known, also known as data points, rather than focusing or projecting on what is not known. Projection leads to anxiety, which, when grieving, can create fear reactions about things yet to occur. The fear needs to be discussed, and helping them to change their cognitions or thoughts around the fear can be helpful.
This is a time of transition, and the truth about what you’re facing continues to shift. Name the reaction you’re having: “I seem to be grieving,” or, “I feel helpless,” or “I am restless, demoralized, detached.”
Originally Published on Psychology Today
Edy Nathan is the author of: “It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery Through Trauma and Loss” amzn.to/30vkR2W??
And a blogger for Psychology Today, Thrive Health
Psychotherapist based in NYC
Emmy Winning Hit Music Producer/ Music Creator/ Music Publisher/Speaker/Educator
4 年Right on! How r ya?
Innovative Thought Leader in Grief, Trauma, and Sexuality | Keynote Speaker | Healthcare, Corporate Wellness, Long Term Care, Hospices | Author
4 年Thank you all for sharing so many touching stories about your journeys. Let's keep the conversation on Burnout and Job Loss Grief going! I also just put out another article for Psychology Today - It's a guided journey into your mind where we interact with grief, play, and desire…?https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-grief/202005/knock-knock
Fiber Optics Specialist | Technology Optimizer | Business Strategy Consultant | Triathlon Aficionado
4 年Edy Nathan thanks for summing these points up so well. I have spoken to so many friends and family who are experiencing this and I am often at a loss for words. You've given a better perspective and I hope that I can provide some encouraging words now.
Founder of Extreme Leadership Institute | Keynote Speaker | Bestselling Author | Executive Coach | Helping Businesses Radically Change Their Culture | Songwriter | Performer
4 年This was such an insightful post Edy. Thank you fro sharing. I wish I had seen this in March when many conversations surrounded the loss of a job. I look forward to your future posts!!!
Unlock Your Potential and Transform Your Life: Reclaim Your Personal Power and Discover how to work less but earn more| Business & Life Strategist | Deep Coaching
4 年Loss and grief have many layers. We all too often think of grief and loss at losing someone but I like the way you turned it around. The loss of a job is a loss.. a loss of identity for many. It is who we are for a time. Not grieving and giving time to reflect is a sure way to burnout or more. The crisis has only highlighted what was happening behind the scenes Edy Nathan