Finishing a 7-Day Gratitude Retreat with no Tickets or Place to Stay, Part 2

~~ Part 1 of this series is here. ~~

FINISHING a 7-Day Gratitude Retreat is a great experience and it should lead to successfully going on more of these retreats in the future. However, it may feel different, strange, uncomfortable, awkward, unfamiliar, or slightly disorienting to not have the usual sense of control that we usually have. Let me explain this for a second.

It is normal in life to feel normal. Even people with amazing successes, humiliating defeats, grand opportunities, and startling changes all feel that things are “normal” at some point. This is human nature, to normalize whatever is happening.

Thus, I come from a normal family (though I wish I or they were better), live in a normal place (though I wish it were different) and have a normal day to day life (though I wish…). Somehow, in the deepest place of our psyche, we says to ourselves in a whisper, every day, “This is normal.”

And we believe it too.

However, when you go on a gratitude retreat and start saying you are thankful for all sorts of things, you turn your normal reality upside down. This often happens because we surrender a bit of control when we are positive and grateful. If we had kept that control, we could choose when to complain, when to forgive, or even if we forgave. Power and control are unhealthy traits at times, but they are also deep-seated drives in our life that gratitude “disrupts.”

Now that you have disrupted your “normal” way of life for a week, it is time to take stock of things. How do you feel right now? How do you feel about things you were thankful for on Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and so on?

Dealing with Injustice, Tragedy, and other Really Bad Circumstances

Quite likely during your Gratitude Retreat, there has been something that you either are dealing with currently or was a past area that came back in your thoughts. That is normal, no pun intended.

So, what do we do with really negative experiences in our journey towards having more and more gratitude? I will answer that question individually and use a story or where appropriate to explain things. Keep in mind, however, that there is no perfect answer, and some of the hardships of this life are beyond compare.

Injustice

First off, injustice happens all the time. Bullying on the playground or the iPad, cliques that exclude others, family drama where someone is ousted or blameworthy, and so on — this is a very long list. However, while we have to contend with injustice – and while we see others doing the same – it does not mean that our thoughts need to be defeated as well.

Injustice starts with the feeling or exclamation, ‘It’s not fair.’ I recall saying that a lot when I was a young child and my brother got a bigger share, a better posting, or a better reward for better chores he completed. But ‘it’s not fair.’

I want to stop a second and remind of two simple truths. First, when we are likely to think something is not fair for us, the truth is there are tons of people who have something worse, or even much worse, that they dealing with. So, maybe it is fair. A second truth is that there might be a silver lining we should see, such as that at least we have a brother, at least we have a parent who doles out chores and rewards, and at least we get a reward even when it is smaller.

You see, I am trying to say that in terms of injustice, it is helpful to look at the brighter side of things, the cup being half full. Just answer the question, what does a person or situation have, not what does it not have. That process may help you achieve a gradually increasing level of gratitude for injustices even though some of them may be unworthy of much thanks. Again, the bright side exists and we need to seek it out as well as encourage others also to seek it out.

Tragedies

No one has a need to feel happy, giddy, and thankful when tragedy strikes. Sometimes these events come mercilessly in the unexpected death of a family member, close friend, or associate. Losing a mentor can also be particularly difficult and is similar to losing a loved one. But once again, tragedy is not easy or positive in nearly all cases, but is a final end in a story that often could have gone on towards a better conclusion.

So, what do we do when we are encountering tragedies?

For a moment, I want to shift gears and talk about the earth we share. On this small globe are regular systems of tragedy through natural disasters, earthquakes, floods, volcanic eruptions, forest fires, and so on. These are not positive experiences, and sometimes create all kinds of devastation. Quite often, many of these incidents also result in deaths or at the very least some form of disruption for people involved. However, something comes after these disasters.

The earth renews itself, the land recovers, the foliage or people can return, or hopefully can unless the disaster was like Love Canal or a Three Mile Island, two such man-made disasters of the late 1970s that will take much longer to heal.

If healing is something that happens gradually in a global sense, maybe it also can happen that way with us, no matter what tragedy we might face. Maybe we can heal too.

Here is a story. I know a father who tragically lost his child. In fact, it had been a brutal killing, had made national news, and there have even been years of pain since then as well as litigation and strife. At the same time, there is a memory which is not as painful. His child loved horses and regularly rode or showed horses, even taking awards. The father told me that after his child died, it was so awful on a different level because her horse was in deep shock and mourning too. Yes, tragedies affect animals too.

Now this story is still an ongoing suffering for one family, but I want to say this. In years into the future, there will be a time that this dad, an amazing man, will see a horse on an open countryside – or maybe even he will see his daughter’s horse that he still takes care of. In a moment, a smile will dawn on his face and wide, and he will just think of how glad he is that his child while with him was able to have and love horses. This story is not a perfect ending to a hallmark movie, but rather a single moment of future comfort across the darkened landscape of losing a child. Still, it is a glimmer what happens when we choose to turn pain into gratitude.

Other Really Bad Circumstances

You know many other types of unfortunate events and so do I. They happen in life either by surprise or even in groups. Agatha Christie lost her first husband due to his infidelity and at that time said that there are times in life where not only does one thing go wrong, but instead everything goes wrong. When we are inside tumultuous events, each minute seems difficult to bear. Agatha Christie went on to become the most published author of crime fiction in her lifetime, and holds the Guinness record for world’s most prolific author, with over 2 billion books sold. You could say that she turned a negative into a positive, and that would be quite an understatement!

But what is gratitude? It is saying that better things are coming. It is saying that we are better than the negative or unfortunate circumstance that has temporarily invaded our life. It is saying that we will recover, regain control, remain established, reprove people who spite us, and repair any harm done no matter how long it takes. In other words, we will survive and succeed!

I don’t know what negative circumstance you face and I also do not know the next one I will face. But I do know this. In many a hardship, I rely on knowing that God cares for me -I have too – because nothing else can make a difference in this life.

Finishing Your Gratitude Retreat

If you are still finishing your week of gratitude, I have a great closing day of gratitude activity that promises to disrupt your sense of normal even more.

Here is how it goes.

DAY 7 Gratitude Retreat Activity: Free-Flowing Gratitude and Uplift

Start a list that is self numbering. Most word processing programs can do this, or if you are using a journal just count the lines and then make columns. Time permitting, you should aim for 100.

Write down a single word or couple words for every thought you have. This will grow progressively, and here is an example. You will quickly see that not all the thoughts are positive. That is okay, but thee will be an extra step I will show below. Here is a sample list, showing only the first 5 items.

A BASIC GRATITUDE LIST

1. Good health *
2. A poor night’s sleep ++
3. Good results from being more grateful this week *
4. Need for more gratitude connections each day ++
5. Such an awesome family *

To help make an illustration (To see this, you need to view this in the DollExaminer.com version), I have put the positive thoughts in blue* and the growth areas or ‘improvement needed’ thoughts in red++. Now, as you make this list, you will skip by each blue item. However, for the red ones, you need to add an area of uplift, or positive thing that has come out of an area needing improvement. Below, I have also added #6 and #7, which I will explain below. Lastly, #8,-#10 continue this journey.

Note that in the new items, #6 and #7 I intentionally added two areas that were not good. Without much trouble, we could all add some negative areas and its a good thing because we will then start using a Gratitude Mindset to envision some uplift for them.

I want you to practice and get to 100 items on your list. Feel free to write brief areas, as well as ones like the longer sample items I have shown for illustrative purposes.

AN EXTENDED GRATITUDE LIST WITH UPLIFT ADDED

1. Good health
2. A poor night’s sleep SO WILL BE SURE TO LISTEN BETTER TODAY AND GO EASY ON OTHERS
3. Good results from being more grateful this week
4. Need for more gratitude connections each day BUT IT IS GREAT TO BE LOOKING FOR THEM
5. Such an awesome family
6. Have heartache because a friend has a debilitating disease SO I WILL SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM
7. Feel concerned that my growth target it not being reached BUT I WILL BE POSITIVE AND MAINTAIN HOPE
8. An awesome home
9. Very nice and enjoyable neighbors
10. Safe transportation each day

… (up to 100)

I encourage you to get to 100. The first time I did this, it took about 90 minutes. I started it at the end of a week after work and had a fairly glum looking disposition at the beginning of the list. I noticed that my attitude lifted over time. When I was on the home stretch (above 70), I was actually grinning and felt a positive buoyancy that anyone nearby could see!

Today, I made a quick ascent to the top of the gratitude list of 100 items. It’s a great cap on a week of being thankful.

In closing, I want to encourage you. Joy is a direct output from being grateful. Also, joy is available every day.

We all can practice more gratitude.

I wish you all the best in your gratitude retreat and the journey toward more joy.

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