Finding Yourself Re-Rooted in Your Destiny

For the last couple of months, I have found myself preoccupied with watching this one tree in my home. It’s the other being, in our house, with visible trauma marks and infection beholden to its leaves, trunk, and surface. In my reflection, I actualized how both of us can be the model of strength and vitality yet be debilitated by something that can’t be easily recognized by the untrained eye.

Generally, I am a pretty joyful and animated soul. Each day is a gift and I work at doing my part to add positive value to the lives I encounter. As a school leader of a community with mostly Black & Brown scholars, I consider it a privilege that I can serve as a role model and shaper of their academic ecosystem.

However, the throes of twin pandemics, while serving as a Black male leader of a school community has tried to?break my soul ?more times than I would like to admit. It’s a harrowing feat to reassure students, their parents, and our staff that you can keep them safe when you can’t control the unapologetic winds of racism and COVID. Furthermore, I feel despondent and anxious. I am not dreaming or beaming like I once was. And I fight more often to stay present, make deadlines, and follow up with people who are looking to me for support.

Over the years, I have tried to remain vigilant in working out three or more times a week, investing in consuming more plant-based subsistence, while feeding my mind with spiritual nourishment support from beloveds in my own village. Lately, I have been exploring more?holistic ?and?therapeutic? guides to?help me actualize a *me* that thrives–not just survives.

In counsel with one of the great leaders, in my village,?Nikki Barnes , she posed this big question to me that I wrestle with today–

What are the conditions I need in order to thrive?

This question makes me both optimistic and bewildered. It’s a new question that inspires me to advocate for what I believe I deserve. However, I am too emotionally exhausted to really travel the journey to the enlightenment that I am assured will free me from my current circumstances.

A great friend,?Evelyn , and green-thumb, visited me and saw the tree and immediately stated that I must scoop out the calcified infected soil and treat the entire tree before adding new topsoil. So, I followed her advice and watched for results over the next week or so. In the back of my mind, I wondered what remedy folks could offer me to help me grow healthily more vibrant over the days to come--yet I remained silent as I listened to her counsel.

Aija Simmons , another valued member of my village, reminded me of a?scriptural passage in Exodus ?when Moses and the Israelites traversed over what they perceived to be barren lands. In a desire to quench their thirst, they never considered what was underneath their feet–that their source of nourishment may not have been readily visible but was already with them.

Aija challenged me to turn over the topsoil in my life to relentlessly seek vibrant seeds of possibility within me. The sum total of who we are and are destined to be is not relegated to the traumas we have experienced in yesteryear. A spiritual excavation is underway so that I can find renewed inspiration in the wellspring of goodness within me.

Money, my apple green leafy companion, will continue to serve as a guide and reminder that I am on a quest to welcome an unknowing bliss with the next chapter of my journey. I deserve to thrive, not just survive!

Lessons I am learning on the journey:

• Find nourishment in a beloved community that holds you, dear, in all of your imperfections.
• Engage in?deep reflection ?and?contemplative practice? for 40 or more consecutive days to experience growth, healing, and revitalization.
• Invest in your own self-care journey. Meet with a therapist or holistic healer or beloveds who add light to your life.
• Be relentless in?the pursuit of your own truth . Face the fear. Sit in the discomfort of the unknown. Invest the time into unpacking a big life question that may drive you to clarity in your purpose.