Finding Your 'YES' in a 'NO' World

By investing in meaningful relationship capital, you will increase your self-worth and relationship wealth.?

I first met Patti Brownsord when we partnered on a diversity project. We hit it off right away and I gave her a copy of my book,?Release Your Brilliance.

At the time, Patti was a longtime employee of an advertising agency while attending graduate school. She feared she might be in a?dead-end relationship. She blamed her dysfunctional relationship on her crazy schedule and stressful life.

Once Patti completed her master’s degree, she decided to make a career change and shifted into a different yet related field. I discussed the difference between meaningful and performance-driven relationships in “Facet: Invest in Relationship Capital,” a chapter in my book.

Patti considered her current relationship, which had not improved despite her life being on the upswing in all other facets.

In authentic relationships, you don’t have to worry about what others think about you or where you stand. Your fulfillment comes from within as you add value to another person’s life. However, in performance-driven relationships, your fulfillment comes from external sources. You constantly feel the need to please others and want to know where you stand with them.

Patti re-examined her life through this new lens. She knew that she wasn’t really to blame for the bad relationship, so she closed out that chapter.

She started over with a newly streamlined life and began saying “YES” to everything, treating this change in perspective as a gift to her future self.

Once Patti got in tune with herself, she decided it was time to take a leap from corporate America. She had been feeling the pressure to change within her career. Given the rapid changes in her industry, she really didn’t know if her job would still exist in five years. Rather than let it negatively consume her, she decided to view it as an opportunity.

Deciding to strategically put herself in the best position to help herself and others, her company was born.

Changes and global shifts are taking place constantly, impacting cultures, products, systems, and the way we make decisions on a daily basis. These shifts require us to change our mindsets in order to cope, or, simply put, vujá dé everything we do.

Your mindset is critical to your success. Today, I’m offering you three ways to find your “yes” in a “no” world.?

See differently

When you begin to see things differently, the opportunities before you change. To shift, you must examine everything you do and ask yourself if you are creating the tomorrow you want.

Ignite a fresh vision

Shifting yourself and creating your future is a marathon, not a sprint. To ignite your vision, you must do the inner work to discover the source of the energy that motivates you.

Become a ‘yes’ person

To yourself, that is! You’ve heard “no” too many times. As a result, you tell yourself “no” even before you give others a chance to tell you “yes!”

Your life will move in the direction of your most dominant dialogue, rising or falling based on your own words. If you say it, it becomes real, for better or for worse. If your life is not in alignment with what you truly desire, you must change the conversation.

If Patti could go back in time, she would tell herself this:

Health and happiness are all you’ve got. If these two critical areas are negatively pressured by your job, situation, or relationships—let them go.?

Don’t sacrifice your happiness—ever.

Dr. Simon T. Bailey, Author of Ignite the Power of Women: A Guide for Men