Finding Your Voice In Meetings

I have been to many meetings where I have been the only woman in the room. That feeling of being ignored, trying to make your point only for it to be drowned out, has been a common occurrence too.

Often, when I did eventually make my point, the moment had passed, or my comments got lukewarm responses. God forbid I had an opposing view, as this would reenforce that I'm from another planet too.

As many meetings progressed, when I did have a good idea, often it wasn't mine for very long. It got bounced around the table until someone would say "Great idea, David", although sometimes the recognition went to Peter or Steven as well.

And don't get me started about the meetings where someone put me in my place with "shhh", the palm of a hand, or other microaggressions.

Like these would inspire anyone to continue talking anyway?

The Importance of Finding Your Voice

I write all of this as a woman who has been part of many leadership and project teams over the last twenty years, but I often speak with people from different cultures, ethnicities, and other minorities where their experiences have been the same too.

The reality is that, even if our meetings are increasingly diverse, they are just not inclusive yet.

Hardly ideal given how much time we spend in them!

At it's worst, when we feel like we don't have a voice in meetings, we feel ignored. Because we're quiet others might think that we are hiding, that we're not contributing or lack confidence. It feels frustrating and disempowering, in a "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" kind of way.

Slightly better than people thinking that we're hiding is our own imposter syndrome. We've made it to the table, but we're the only person like us around it and our bid to be heard goes from there. We doubt our accomplishments, don't speak up as often as we should, ironically making being an imposter a self-fulfilling prophecy. We actually don't encourage others to include us in some way!

The reality is that, if we want people to hear us, the onus is on us to find our voice.

Sure other people should be more inclusive, but that is an article for another day.

In the meantime, we need to do the work required on ourselves so that others are willing and want to hear what we have to say.

Confidence

If we don't believe in ourselves and what we can contribute, why should anyone else? You wouldn't trust a hesitant doctor, so why should someone listen to you if you don't believe in yourself?

For others to hear us we need to be able to quieten those little voices in our heads.

Clout

Many of us think that we need to be powerful to have a voice or lead the conversation in the room. We push harder which is often mistaken for being "assertive", "emotional" or "pushy" rather than understanding and influencing the conversation with questions.

It's often not just about what we say, it's the way that we say it that speaks volumes too.

Courage

If speaking up in a meeting feels like sticking your head in the lion's mouth, this is less about you, and more about whether you trust the lion. Look at courage as a way of taking calculated risks, rather than just sticking your head in and seeing how it works out.

If you sense that you're going to get your head bitten off, try other tactics before or after the meeting to test the waters first. Do your homework, solicit feedback on your ideas prior, and ease people into the conversation too.

Oh an never underestimate the power of a pre-meeting. It's not like other people don't have them too.

Conclusion

For the meetings we attend to fully benefit from us being in them, we need the courage to speak up and understand what makes others want to hear. It's not easy, leading anything seldom is, but its crucial if we want to be seen as an effective leader too.

Hopefully one day what we are won't influence the role we can play - in meetings and out.

About the Author

I always enjoy the opportunity to talk about all things related to buy-in, and how winning people over and getting them onboard with our ideas, ultimately starts with us.

Here are three ways I can help get us moving:

• I coach executives and emerging leaders on how to find their voice and be more effective using strategies focussed on confidence, clout and courage. To learn more, please arrange your complimentary 30-minute leadership consult to discuss your personal, team or organisational needs.
• Participate in my regular online events where I host an open dialogue on the challenges we face getting buy-in to strategy, projects and change, as a group.
• Sign up for my "Nerves of Steel" weekly email, and receive a free chapter from my book “Buy-in”. The emails are short reflections, no more than a couple of minutes to read and I will always treat your support with respect. 

You can also contact me at [email protected] and let me know how you think we can work together.

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