Finding your Purpose: Coaching Mental Models for Clarity

Purpose Coaching

This article is about how to approach Finding your Purpose.

As a coach, I've been helping now dozens of people with this challenge, and I can assure you with full confidence - clarity can be attained. There is a method to the madness.

There is a certain methodology and specific tools of thinking that you can apply to gain clarity on what your purpose in life may be.

The approach we are applying here involves deploying several systems of thinking, but really, essentially what we do here falls into the category of self-coaching.

Throughout this article I want you to think about this question: ?? How can I be my own coach?

You can become your own coach by asking deep, intelligent questions and use the tools that I am sharing with you to navigate your mind and find the answers that are already hidden within it.

Let's begin.

Understand the Nature of Purpose

First, we need to start by just meditating on the very concept of purpose itself.

Entertain this thought for a second: the purpose can only exist within the context of others. If there are no others, there is no purpose.

Imagine you are Will Smith in the movie "I Am Legend". A deadly virus devours the whole planet and you are the lone survivor who just happens to have the immunity. Everyone is gone. You are the last human on earth. What purpose do you have?

The only purpose you have at that point is to go through life watching the world go by. That's the only thing you have.

Probably the most disturbing part of your new existence would be hope - that hopeful thought that maybe there are some other survivors out there will be slowly eating your mind from the inside. So you will be wandering the earth searching for people like you and maybe that would become your purpose.

But what if you knew that there are no other people? You're completely and entirely alone.

You see. Any conversation about the purpose becomes nonsensical at this point.

This thought exercise helps you see clearly:

Purpose can only exist in the context of others - doing something for their sake.        

To live a purposeful life, you need to live a life of service, generating some kind of value for other humans, and solving problems for them.

The only way to have a Purposeful life is to help other people.

And just like Dalai Lama said, if your choice is not to help, at least don't hurt. Do no evil.

So how does this understanding help you?

This understanding makes things easier because you start to realize that the more you refocus from your own self, your problems, anxieties, and fears, and really focus on helping others the more purpose and meaning you will be infusing into your life.

The question is now: ?? How do you want to help?

There are several approaches to thinking about it.

One way to approach this is to identify a problem that you've overcome yourself.

This is how many businesses start really:

• you solve a problem for yourself
• then start solving that problem for others
• then you scale the solution.

I will take transformation coaching as an example. All the problems I am helping people with I was struggling myself.

Zero confidence, non-existent relationships, shitty discipline, poor habits, fears and suicidal depression, substance addiction, smoking, alcoholism... You name it.

Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt.

My life was in complete chaos.

It got to the point where I realized that I had to do something about it. I needed to start crawling up. There was a thought ringing in my mind - if I don't start changing, someone somewhere will find my dead body in a dirty motel.

At that time, of course, it was not a super-conscious process. I wasn't extremely self-aware. It was more of a primal, animalistic instinct: ?? you are going to die, pal. Do something about it.

And so I crawled... And I fell... And crawled again... And then I learned how to walk... And then eventually I started running.

I failed more times than you can imagine but I solved these problems for myself, bit by bit. Iteration after iteration, I have reprogrammed my mind to the point where now my old self looks like a stranger to me. That person is long dead.

It took me decades to get to the level of understanding where I am now, but then to my own surprise, I found myself in a position where something I have developed on the way became something people need. On this path of self-destruction, self-reinvention, self-knowledge, and self-observation, I picked up tools and knowledge that help me guide other people.

My Problem became my Purpose.

So that is the question I want you to ask yourself:

?? What was that version of Me 3 to 5 years ago? What was I struggling with?

That version of You, that persona, could be your primary audience. You could serve this group of people who are in the same phase of personal evolution you were three to five years ago, but help them to get to your current state faster. Be the catalyst of their personal transformation.

Those people are out there waiting for someone to tell them:

"Don't be scared. This is what is happening with you; I know because I was there. This is where I am today, and I can get you there faster. I will hold your hand on this journey, and be the conduit of the knowledge you are yet to receive. Let me be the supporting system for you. You are not alone."

That someone can be you. ??

?? How can you be so sure they want my help?

Because you know it yourself - you've been there and these were your exact thoughts at that time. You needed help. You wanted someone to save you.

Solve Problems That Matter to You

Another way to approach Purpose is to think about the problem.

When we talk about value delivery, value is basically a solution to a problem - you are solving somebody else's pain.

So, what is the pain in the world?

Look around yourself; there are thousands of problems that you can solve.

The question here is:

?? What is the problem that I really care about? What is the problem that I care about enough to dedicate ten years of my life to?

I'm not talking about dedicating your whole lifetime just yet. Your Vision can be but doesn't have to be grandiose.

Your understanding of the problem set and your problem-solving ability will evolve and change every year as you are working through the problem set you will choose to concentrate on. All I want for you is to get started.

While you are meditating about the problem set, identify patterns and look into things that already exist in your life that you really care about.

Some people want to save whales, some want to solve world hunger, some want to battle gender inequality, and some want to help others create meaningful careers.

It does not matter what you do. Help in a way that brings joy to you, and helping others always brings us joy. Humans are hard-wired that way.

Your purpose is to find your unique gifts and talents. And then give them away.

Normally there would be an existing pattern: you would care a lot about the problem you have experienced firsthand. That's why your past experience would be the primary source of your self-investigation journey.

Observe Patterns. Examine your Natural gravitation.

Start looking into patterns.

Patterns are something that's already present in your life.

Look at your browser history.

?? Reflect on these questions:

• What websites do you visit?
• What do you research?
• Where does your attention go naturally?
• What kind of books do you buy and read?
• What kind of podcasts do you listen to?
• What kind of thought leaders do you gravitate towards the most?

The latter is important because the nature of the people you gravitate towards will be very indicative of your true nature.

For example, if you gravitate towards techies who solve world problems with technology and are interested more in the economy of scale, that can be a piece of the puzzle ??.

I am just using myself as an example here. That's why I am currently spending my time in the tech space. Developers' way of solving problems and thinking in systems and patterns resonates with me deeply.

Find what resonates deeply with you. Find the ecosystem with the highest density of players you want to be associated with who play the games you want to play.

The core principle is to observe the existing patterns in your life because they will point to your core.

Let's take a look at your Core.

Complete a Core Values Exercise

Do the core values exercise.

It’s very simple, especially with new technology like ChatGPT.

My Coaching Question to you is: ?? "What are your Core Values? What is important to you in life?"

Here is how you can journal on this fast in 3 simple steps:

1. Use a Loom video or audio on your phone or PC. Record your unfiltered stream of consciousness. Speak your mind. Talk about everything that comes until you are empty.

2. Open your Loom file on the web and go to the Transcript tab.

3. Copy-paste the transcript into ChatGPT and ask it to summarize it. Prompt:

?? My coach asked me the question: "What are your Core Values". I have recorded my answer as a video. Here is the transcript from that video. Analyze the transcript, extract the patterns, and summarize for me - what is important to me in life and what is the list of my Core Values.        

Your answer doesn’t need to be organized; make it a pure stream of consciousness, just let it all out.

Talk about all your values: success, freedom, autonomy, independence, money, health, family, whatever resonates deeply for you.

Go deep and try to formulate your own system of definitions for each Core Value. How do you define all these things for yourself? What do they really mean to you? What is your definition of Freedom? What is Success? What is the meaning of Money? What is the Ultimate Health for you?

The core values exercise is important because your core values will likely change throughout your life. They will serve as a compass ?? toward your purpose, vision, and mission.

In a similar way, you can invert this exercise and find out more about your Anti-Values.

My Coaching Question to you is: ?? "What really annoys you? What do you want to walk away from and leave forever behind?"

Follow the same framework.

• Record your stream of consciousness
• Plug the transcript into ChatGPT

?? Now I want to create a list of anti-values. I want to create a list of things that I do not want in my life. I have recorded my thoughts on this question in a video.  Here is the transcript from that video. Analyze the transcript, extract the patterns, and summarize for me - what are my Anti-Values.        

?? If you want to learn more about the Core Values exercise, HERE is a detailed breakdown.

Build Your Vision

Next, gain clarity on your Vision.

The Version 1 of your Vision will not be perfect nor it has to be. You will evolve, and your understanding will evolve. It’s an iterative process. For now, you just have to write down something.

It doesn't have to be too long-term either—5 years is a good horizon.

The Coaching Question to you is: ?? What is your vision? How do you see yourself five years from now?

→ Reverse-engineer your ultimate vision and lifestyle.

?? HERE you can find the detailed breakdown of the Vision Exercise.

What's important here is that once you understand your ultimate lifestyle, your ultimate day, and your ultimate system, you can start incorporating these elements into your present.

For example, I can be a multi-millionaire but my ultimate day wouldn't be very different from what I do now.

I’d still wake up early, and follow my routine. I would still be spending time organizing chaos into order through writing. Privately for myself, publicly for others. I would still coach people, and guide those who seek my counsel.

All these are things I can do right now. I don't need to wait for my "perfect tomorrow", I can incorporate all these elements into my life today.

No matter what my net worth is, I’d still exercise, fast, read, and meditate. All these elements can be incorporated into your day right now to make your day perfect.

In continuation of that thought, here is an interesting concept I would like to introduce to you.

Minimum Viable Day

You've probably heard about the concept of MVP (Minimum Viable Product). In tech, MVP basically means an initial version of the product that is enough to validate the idea, and ideally attract early adopters.

The concept of MVD (Minimum Viable Day) is building up on the idea.

An MVD, or a non-zero day , is about asking: ?? What's the bare minimum I need to do today to make this day a Non-Zero?

Not all days will be perfect. Some days your energy battery will be low.

What's the minimum checklist that you need to do to go to sleep feeling accomplished and knowing that you have done something for yourself?

A non-zero day could be as simple as reading 1 page, doing 20 push-ups, and meditating for 5 minutes. Minimum contribution to your bank of intellectual / physical / spiritual development.

This is a simplistic example. Define the MVD that works for you.

?? What is the MVD that still moves you in the direction of your purpose?

Put those blocks in your calendar.

Focus on Systems

The book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, can be summarized in one sentence:

"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."

Everything in life is about systems.

It does not matter how ambitious your goals are. If your systems are failing, you will not achieve your goals.

A System is the vehicle that is moving you toward your vision.

Focus less on the goals, and more on the vehicle - build the Vision, reverse-engineer it into a system, and then follow the system.

Your discipline will become your destiny.

Reverse-engineer Your Reputation

Another Purpose question to ask yourself is: ?? What is my Ultimate Reputation? In the space I'm operating in, what do I want to be known for?

Initially, while answering this question, you'll have some generic fluff coming out of you e.g. "I want to be known as a kind person, I want to be known as generous, I want people to know me as someone with high moral principles."

This is all good stuff. You need that stuff to really define for yourself what it means to be a good human.

Go further. Ask yourself: ?? What craft do you want to be known for?

Solving problems and delivering value is always some kind of change. Every person living a purposeful life is living a life of service and is effectively an agent of change for some people in some shape or form.

?? What kind of change do you want to see in the world?

Go be that change.

Champion it.

"The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men."

Engineer Your Identity

This self-reflection exercise will push you into the area of discomfort - you will need to think about your qualities.

For men: ?? What does it mean to be a real Man?

For women: ?? What does it mean to be a great Woman?

If you don't like the adjectives "real" or "great" you can change them, it's not about how you formulate it. It is about the essence of the question.

It is baffling that the majority of the human population never ask themselves these foundational questions.

You see, if you have not crystallized these definitions for yourself, the world will tell you what to think and you will believe it.

?? What is the Ultimate Version of your Future Self?

At this point, you might not be that person, that's the level of brutal honesty that I want to see, and that's a great starting point.

We all have to start somewhere.

In 5 years you will arrive. The question is: WHERE?

That version of your Future Self is inevitable.

Correction: it becomes inevitable once you make a decision it is inevitable.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."

So make a decision.

Making something of yourself will hurt. I don't promise that to you. I guarantee you - there is so much pain that is waiting for you on this path.

But it is either that pain of building yourself up or the pain of looking at yourself in the mirror when you are old knowing that you have wasted your time on this planet losing your one and only shot at self-realization.

Even if the question of Purpose eludes you at this moment, fret not.

Make it your Purpose to become the person who has Clarity of Purpose.

It might take you much less time than you currently anticipate.

As Buddha said:

"If there is intention, there shall be insight."

Summary: ?? Quick Checklist for Finding Your Purpose

Take your time to journal/reflect on these things:

Self-Inquiry Questions

1. Understanding Purpose: What does purpose mean to you in the context of serving others?
2. Personal Struggles: What problems have you overcome in the past 3-5 years?
3. Meaningful Problems: What problems in the world do you truly care about solving?
4. Natural Gravitation: What topics, people, or activities do you naturally gravitate towards?
5. Core Values: What are your core values? What’s important to you in life?
6. Anti-Values: What annoys you? What do you want to avoid in life?
7. Vision: How do you see yourself in five years? What’s your ultimate lifestyle and system?
8. Ultimate Reputation: What do you want to be known for in your field or community?
9. Identity Engineering: What qualities define the ultimate version of your future self?
10. Blockers: What is stopping you right now from executing on the above?

Exercises to Complete

1. Self-Coaching: Ask yourself deep, meaningful questions and seek answers within.
2. Core Values Exercise : Record a video/audio about your core values. Transcribe and summarize the key points using ChatGPT.
3. Anti-Values Exercise: Record a video/audio about what you want to avoid in life. Transcribe and summarize the key points using ChatGPT.
4. Pattern Observation: Examine your browser history, books, podcasts, and thought leaders you follow. Identify patterns and areas of natural interest.
5. Vision Exercise : Write down your vision for the next five years. Reverse-engineer this vision to incorporate elements of it into your present day.
6. Minimum Viable Day (MVD): Define the minimum tasks you need to do daily to feel accomplished by the end of the day.
7. Systems Focus: Develop systems that support your vision and goals. Calibrate systems to ensure efficiency and effectiveness.
8. Reputation and Identity: Reflect on the reputation you want to build. Engineer your identity to align with your desired future self.

Last words

"I feel like a different person compared to 6 months ago. I will forever be grateful to you for the work that you have done with me."

I have just received this message from one of my coachees and it fills my heart.

This is my Purpose. This is my Ultimate Why.

Reprogramming your mind will not be easy. Nor it should be.

The job is to demolish old Identity.

It will hurt. It should. That's the whole point. The old identity must die. So that the new version of you could emerge from ashes.

People who are not familiar with coaching do not fully understand the role of a coach.

My role is to be the catalyst.

6 months seem like a long time but this is how much I need to get you to the level of understanding that would normally take people decades.

Some people never arrive.

They spend all their lives using their inaccurate maps of reality. And they suffer. Living with the old identity - that has never been their True Self in the first place. Layers and layers of beliefs that have been formed early in life but serve you no longer. A concept of Self that was manufactured by external conditioning.

The whole world's been lying to you.

Come find me when you are ready to ask serious questions.

??