Finding your power in powerless moments

Of all of the articles I tried to write last year, this one was the hardest. I have started, finished and deleted it many times, not because it was bad but because I chickened out and chose not to share it. The irony of me choosing to hit delete and hide, rather than buying in, is not lost on me and so I'm starting 2020 as I mean to go on by publishing it now. I hope that it serves you in the spirit in which it is intended and that this helps you find your power in the year ahead.

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It's hard having a surname like Steel. The number of times that people have come up to me and said "You have a really strong name" or "You must be a really strong woman" amazes me. It's easy for many to assume that strength is literally a part of who I am.

In case my surname wasn't enough, not one but two of my parents were in the military. It was inevitable that I would grow up to be a strong-willed, military kid, with a British stiff upper lip to go with it. I was a pro at dealing with change and disruption even when I was young, and it was no surprise when I became a dab hand at leading it too. I've often found myself at the forefront of change, dealing with uncertainty and politics, where I felt empowered one minute and helpless or frustrated the next. It is in these moments of powerlessness that even the strongest steel can break.

Twice in my life, I have ended up there.

Once was when I was leading a large digital transformation where unrealistic demands were set outside of my control.

The second relates to my #MeToo story and being sexually assaulted when I was 16.

These are both very different stories that affected me in different ways. I understand the sense powerlessness in both and I know that I'm not alone too.

I regularly hear stories from people who feel powerless about a situation. Their stress levels are often through the roof, their confidence has taken a hit and many question their own self-worth. In short, they don't feel in control of their own destinies.

Without knowing how to navigate the situation many of us experience problems such as stress, disengagement or problems with health and wellbeing, with our main stressors at work in particular often being:

• Organisation culture
• Bad management practices
• Job content and demands
• Physical work environment
• Relationships at work
• Change management
• Lack of support
• Role conflict
• Trauma.

All of these have the ability to create powerless moments in our lives, the question I'm often asked though is what can we do about it.

Identity

Feeling powerless often feels incredibly personal. It calls into question who we are, what we stand for and makes us question how others see us too. We might find ourselves wallowing in self-doubt, thinking that the situation is helpless and that there is nothing we can do. But just because the situation feels helpless, it doesn't mean that you are too.

You are who you have always been, find your power by owning that.

Awareness

When we feel powerless it often has more to do with the environment we are in or other people than it does with us. Understanding what is happening and why is key to seeing the bigger picture.

If it's not about you what other dynamics are in play? Find your power by figuring that out.

Values

We all stand for something, sure they might not be written down, but we know what we stand for and more importantly what we won't accept. Yet we often find ourselves putting up with things anyway. We shrug it off, walk past it or ignore it in the hope that it will go away only often it doesn't.

The more we live our values, the stronger and more in control we feel, we're living the life we are meant to. Find your power by acknowledging what your values are.

Vision

We all have aspirations and goals in life. Whether you believe in destiny or have ambitions to get there by yourself, we all take confidence and strength from progress. The more we feel like we are moving forward, the more we keep moving. When we feel powerless, we feel stuck.

Find power by revisiting where you going and reviewing your plan to get there. Difficult situations don't mean that all is lost, we just sometimes need to take a different path.

Learning

None of us knows everything. We're not ready to deal with every situation and chances are we need to learn things along the way. Rather than putting things in the "too-hard basket" we can focus on what we need to learn to navigate our own way out.

If you're feeling powerless and like you're not in control ask yourself why and what you might need to learn. Find power in getting help, be it a course, a mentor or friend.

Choice

No matter how powerless we feel, few of us ever lose the right to choose our response. We are all free to make our next move. Do we choose to let the situation get to us, or do we choose to navigate our way out?

Find power by focussing on and choosing what you can do next.

Until next time,

Julia

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If either of the stories in this article has affected you in any way please consider support through the following:

The National Sexual Assault, Family and Domestic Violence Counselling Line – 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week for any Australian who has experienced or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault. 

Beyond Blue provides information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best possible mental health. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 Hours/day x 7 days a week.

Alternatively consider having a confidential conversation through your Employee Assistance Program.

About the Author

Over the last 20 years, Julia has seen many people struggle to realise the change that they really want - both at work and at home. A lot of people tell her that they feel stuck, not realising that to really change, they have to be willing to change themselves first.

She now works with organisations, teams and individuals to help them find their power. To move from feeling stuck to significant and do what they are here to do.

Visit her website for more info: www.juliasteel.com

You can sign up for Julia's musings in Nerves of Steel 

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