Finding Your Place of Healing

Dr. Zan’s Thoughts:

Being in proximity to the ocean is restorative for me. It is a thrill when my arrival in a coastal area allows for that distinctive salty air smell to waft into my vehicle, inviting me to deeply breathe in its deliciousness. But then, and this is key, my in-breath is followed by a slow, decisive, complete exhale. Each and every time I arrive anywhere in the vicinity of a beach town, this first exhale serves as the signal to my entire being that it is time to let go, to relax, to just be. I can literally feel my shoulders release and relax in a manner that feels inaccessible when I am further from the shore.

What a gift it is to experience this immediate relaxation response!  From my perspective, my body is providing evidence that I have found my healing place. Naturally, I have pondered whether those who live at the beach full-time are better able to sustain a sense of calm and peace than those of us who dwell further inland. Does the ocean provide her residents with a continual reminder that balance is important--not too much work, not too much play, but always a focus on relationships? Can these lucky shore dwellers apply the visual of the ocean’s never-ending cycle of waves--ever changing and yet undeniably reliable--as a prompt to release the illusion of being in control? Do they apply sand castle lessons to daily living--accepting that one day’s labors may be washed away but trust that new and different opportunities will emerge the next day?

I suspect that the vast majority of those residing in coastal communities learn to take their proximity to the ocean for granted in much the same manner that the rest of us eventually stop seeing the wonder that continually surrounds each of us. For a place or an experience to be healing--perhaps we seek for it to be different, an anomaly, special. We presume that healing must occur within the context of grandeur, profoundness, or in a sacred space. And yet, perhaps the power and access to healing is truly always with us. And maybe, just maybe, the power for healing lies squarely within us. 

I‘m certain that I am not alone in falling into the trap of believing that I would be magically transformed if I were just able to situate my life near an external source of healing and tranquility. Simply put, this is part of the common human longing to be somewhere that we currently are not. Believing that our experience should be something other than it actually is--that’s the definition of suffering, according to my Mindful Self-Compassion training. If it feels like I bring this notion back frequently, I admit that is true, and here’s why: 1. It rings true. AND 2. I need to keep reminding myself of this notion. Hoping you don’t mind if I offer you the same reminders.

Dr. Nadine’s Thoughts:

Are there ever too many reminders of how we can heal from life’s difficult moments?  And are we ever excessively prompted to be aware of how we sometimes unintentionally cause our own suffering ?  I think not!

Trying to make life different than what it is, and our subsequent attempts to avoid its difficulties is, in itself, a cause for suffering. That notion has ancient roots in Buddhist philosophy, and was echoed by the psychotherapist and theorist, Carl Jung.  He believed that our “neurosis” (that is, our mental distress) was actually caused by our attempt to avoid “legitimate suffering”.  Jung proposed that our mental distress over time became MORE painful than the suffering it was meant to avoid.

Thus, the idea is to acknowledge and move through the troublesome times.  Avoidance doesn’t work. So, instead, find what heals you from the wounds of life.  What is your balm? Is it the brisk, salty sea air? Is it the cool dampness of the mountain forests?  Where are your secret places; what are your unique strategies; who are your trusted people; when are the best times to take care of yourself?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says it elegantly and succinctly: “How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences.  Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe.”

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly.  Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.  New York: Harper & Row, 1990.