Finding your personal power – breaking through conditioning that is holding us back

Personal power is somewhat of an unspoken component of our consciousness in the workplace, personal relationships and community. In fact, it’s probably one of the most important components that offers us personal happiness, balance and the confidence to bring forward innovation. Ever feel like you were punched in the gut when someone shames you or tears down an idea you shared (and you thought was great)? That feeling was your personal power being drained by yes the person who challenged you. Why? Because we have been conditioned to fear the result or reaction and end up questioning ourselves creating doubt. We took the feedback personal and gave away our power.  The word ‘power’ is typically associated with certain titles, influence or scope of authority. In reality it’s a lot more than that and does impact our opportunity to find, activate and keep our own personal power.

One of my goals is to use power in refined and elevated ways. How can we find love in power? I’ll address ‘power programming’ and dive into why authenticity is so critical to personal power. Then we’ll jump into the components of personal power and how to activate your personal power.

‘Your personal power is not something that is going to reveal itself at some later date. Your power is a result of your decision to reveal it. You are powerful in whatever moment you choose to be.’ ~ Marianne Williamson

Addressing our power programming

I think we should address a couple of things on the topic of power. Your ‘beliefs’ around power should be cleared before you can find your personal power in an aligned way to your authenticity. Thinking back to childhood what did power look like to you? What have you been conditioned to believe about power? Power over people, power is evil, power is above all? Yes of course power can be all of those things if not used in the best light, but it can also be beautiful, loving and quiet. Power comes from truth. It can nourish people, projects and plans allowing us to give what is needed, when it is needed and in appropriate amounts. Power should not be presumed to be only hierarchical or based on status, title or financial position. It is more than that and important to address before journeying to finding and keeping your personal power. 

Let’s look at what healthy personal power is and how it can be used. Important considerations you may not link to the impact of your personal power includes being supportive, collaborating, using tact, influencing situations or others, compromising, cooperation, setting healthy boundaries, being vulnerable, connecting with our inner authority, using gentle power and persuasion. 

When our personal power goes to shadow is when we control, use forceful displays, showcase entitlement, directness, confrontation, victim mindset and manipulation and money power over others.

Finding and using our personal power in the most aligned way will provide us with the ability to keep it.

Authenticity unleashes your gifts

Authenticity is really the key to personal power. It allows you to build confidence. It allows others to trust you. It allows for healthier relationships. It’s aligned to your values, beliefs, personal stories and boundaries. It unleashes your gifts! When you are not being your authentic self you will suffer. 

‘Authenticity and self-trust are about 1) knowing and owning who you really are and 2) removing everything that you are not and liberating your true self.’ ~Violetta Push

Tony Robbins sets this question at the core. ‘who did you have to be to feel loved or accepted as a child?’ How does that inform who you have to be today? A good exercise to do right now is think about what areas of your life you feel you cannot be your authentic self. Where does it sit the most? Work, home, relationships, community? Pick the one area you’d like to dig into first. 

There are some key areas to focus on in order to feel your authentic self. Have compassion for yourself and others. Positive words, actions and feelings through nurturing. Vulnerability is a good thing! You are not expected to know everything. Vulnerability creates trust with others. Perfection is not a strength or weakness, it’s an outcome of fear and feeling a lack of control. Releasing attachments to outcomes and perfection in getting there is important. Listen to your inner guidance, your intuition. We already know everything we need to know – trust it, listen to it. Learn to be assertive. I don’t mean be an ass, find ways to own your message in a way it does not get lost. Work to find and connect to your purpose. I can do an entire blog on this alone because so often we are seeking a purpose in a backwards way. Life purpose is closely linked to authenticity and living authentically displays your life purpose (hint hint). 

Growing thick skin is fine as long as at the end of the day it’s still your skin

Many times situations and challenges form our growth, enable our confidence and/or give us our voice. I like to call this boot camp. These experiences ‘thicken our skin’ and we either only want to survive or we look at it as an opportunity to grow. The most important thing to keep in mind is to stay true to yourself. Keep YOUR skin.

Emotional intelligence is an important key to personal power and as we shifted from our minds ending the ‘age of reason’ (late 1700’s) into our emotional intelligence we are still evolving. Examining our true self is a life-long process.

Components of personal power

Personal power is an energy and energy source at its foundation. In some practices and beliefs dating back thousands of years in India it is located in our 3rd Chakra (Solar Plexus or Manipura chakra). It provides a source of personal power and relates to self-esteem, warrior energy, and the power of transformation. There are more modern concepts like Human Design which recognizes our G center or Self Identity Center. In this concept we will attract into our life the experiences that will teach us how to expand. To love ourselves more deeply, to stand in and embrace our personal power, to express ourselves authentically, to let go of the past while simultaneously learning from it. When we are out of alignment the Self/Identity Center attracts in lessons and tests that will push us back into alignment.

Back to the question in the first section ‘who did you have to be to feel accepted or loved as a child?’ How does that show up for you as an adult? Do you have patterns of self-sabotage, comparison shadow or dimming who you are to fit in? There are two challenges that may have continued this programming.

One of the challenges we are up against whether intentional (society/advertising) or unintentional (parents/teachers) is the conditioning that has kept us small, thinking lack, not good enough or too much!

Another is fear. Finding courage to face our fears is foundational to finding our personal power. Are you afraid of rejection, looking bad, being shamed, embarrassed, making a mistake or other fear that you feel holds you back?

It’s so important we continue to check in to this programming and address it to allow us to not only gain our personal power, but keep it too!

Your personal power

Personal power is an ability to access and own your true potential where you recognize yourself as an individual who is the best version of who you are. It is realizing your authentic self with all your strengths and weaknesses and accepting yourself for who you are and then defining for yourself how to use this power to achieve your goals.

Here are some key components to finding and keeping your personal power.

Growth mindset is important to develop. Looking for the positive, being open to new ways of thinking/doing/being, learn from each lesson and pay attention to those lessons.

Identify your needs, values, beliefs so your actions align with your core. Align yourself with your values and act consistently with what you believe and who you believe you are.

Speak your truth and just tell the truth, make it a habit. Vulnerability is such a trust builder. Don’t bullshit your way through conversations. You are not expected to know everything.

Self-discovery is something you can continue to evolve through investigating those earlier questions, your area of focus (least authentic self) and determine why you feel you can’t be your authentic self. I view this as a never-ending process.

Self-acceptance is one of the biggest issues most of us have mainly because we are taught growing up and in corporate environment to fit into a check box of how we show up, behave, perform and just be. We are taught to be small, think small, don’t show up too much or we need to tone it down. We are fearful of making a mistake, being shamed and not accepted because of who we genuinely are. I’m quirky, geeky, share much of my personal likes (not mainstream) and get excited about the little things in life. I’ve accepted these things about myself although fearful of not being accepted as a young adult. I honestly don’t care anymore. I find by accepting myself and not hiding who I am has given permission to others to do the same. I also try to embrace these qualities in each person in my world. It’s what makes us unique!

Self-awareness sounds like a well-used term (blah, blah, blah). Typically though it is utilized in conversations that are actually negative based. Be more self-aware of how you speak your message or of your behaviors. Negative, negative, freaking negative! Instead, let’s use this as a super power to ensure we are being our authentic self. Is what we are saying and doing matching up to what we believe and with who we are? If not, then it can be used positively to get us back on track. Identify your passions, strengths, talents, gifts and build on them. Understand more about how others see you.  It’s important to be present and have value-added connections with family, friends and co-workers.

Self-reflection and evaluation is crucial to deciphering the complexities of your authentic self. You can equip yourself to focus on building yourself up on qualities that distinguish you and your personal power. Train your brain to ask Why, What, When, Where, Which, Who, Will?

Self-adaptation is also important and necessary as you evolve, based on your environment and your personal stories. Your personal power is strong based on who you are currently so ensure adaptation is in alignment with your authenticity and emotional intelligence.

Self-activation of your personal power depends on the work you have done (above topics).  What emotions do you feel when your personal power is strong? Is being threatened? This is something I physically feel. Typically, I feel upset in my stomach area (Solar Plexus Chakra) or tightening in my throat (Throat Chakra). Here are some key areas to activate your personal power

1.    Define and state your goals, desires, intentions

2.    Be aware when you are being negative about yourself

3.    Set healthy boundaries -maintain them

4.    Speak up and share your ideas and thoughts

5.    Maintain a growth mindset

6.    Self-reflect daily

7.    Advocate for yourself and others

8.    Acknowledge and accept your fears – don’t brush them under the rug

9.    Ask for help and support – be vulnerable

Keep things moving forward continually growing both mentally and emotionally. This will help you to keep uncovering and strengthening your personal power. The satisfaction you achieve at work, the connections you make and personal relationships you improve are worth the effort. Feeling more balanced and authentic will not only give you peace of mind, but allow the full you to show up every day. 

#loveyourgifts