Finding Your Leadership Spirit Animal Object (Huh?)

When I was younger, I was obsessed with L. Frank Baum's Oz. Not Wizard of Oz, the movie. I mean... yes, that too. But, I am talking about the world created across dozens of books. In 1985, Return to Oz was released. In that movie, all of Dorothy's friends were enchanted into objects in a cave full of gaudy ornamental pieces hoarded by a rock king. She had to touch the objects she thought were her friends to return them to their normal state, and she had only so many guesses. This required her to sense the ESSENCE of them in the objects. I've thought a lot about this fantasy trap over the years. What object would I have been? Would I have known my loved ones in their inanimate, ornamental shapes?

So, when I attended an executive course where we were asked to bring an object as a way to introduce ourself, I was INTO IT! My time had finally come to put all of that early mental training into practice. I considered a few objects. Even held them in my hand Konmari style to see if they sparked some joy or recognition for me. But, I wasn't feeling connected to any of the objects in my random hotel room.

When I remembered I had a small pocket mirror in my bag, I knew I had hit upon the right thing. The exercise, which admittedly frustrated me at first, became a lesson that ended in self-discovery. 

If I asked you to look around at the objects you have nearby, and select one item that best represents yourself, what would you select? How would you choose? Would you feel your choices were too limited, and wish you could hunt for another object? Would you lazily grab the closest thing, and passively refuse to try?

So, for me, why the mirror? (The fact that it said Boss Lady and was a gift from one of my team members was bonus points.)

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First, a mirror reflects without bias. It shows you what is real. It does nothing to influence what you see. 

As a leader, part of the job is to playback reality, as objectively as possible. Sometimes gently and without many words, sometimes candidly and with tough love. This kind of unbiased truth-telling is what builds trust. 

I believe people don’t want a leader who shares every detail, burdening them with knowledge they can’t act on or impact (else, what is your job as the leader?); however, they don’t want a leader who obscures, hides, or colors facts either. People want a leader who is in it with them, someone who shares enough context they can understand struggles or gains. A good leader reflects broader realities, as well as personal realities. 

When you know someone is providing you with observations in an unbiased, non-judgmental way, and that person - like a mirror - has no expectation of how you should receive those observations, you can listen without static. Often, I have found, these are real moments of growth.

During a particularly difficult time years ago, when I was part of a leadership team with vastly different styles, there was a hugely promising member of the team caught up in conflict - we will call him Joe. One of my executive team members was sharing details down to personal opinions and viewpoints on direction of the company, and Joe was led to feel those TMI intimacies were somehow elevating Joe's status. My style was to stick to facts related to the work, to the scope Joe could influence, without any of the interpersonal aspects that belonged to the executive team. While initially Joe wondered why I wasn’t confiding in him similar to my counter-part, later, Joe thanked me for showing the kind of leadership that kept focus on what mattered, for being an unbiased mirror.

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Second, a mirror provides visibility to other angles. You can hold it up to see behind you, to the side... you can tilt it to refract the light. While it reflects with honesty, it also expands the view.

Helping people consider ways of thinking they hadn’t considered is a mark of leadership, in my mind. Note that I said “helping people consider” not “telling people” - the mirror doesn’t provide judgements on expanded views, it helps people see for themselves. As a leader, we lead people to think differently; we don’t tell people what to think. One of my favorite questions to ask people when we are problem solving is whether there is a side door or a back door... people always want to pursue unlocking the front door (often battering it down destructively). Simple provocative questions can be enough to fire up different neurons. Watching someone’s face light up when they realize their creative, resourceful minds can rescue them from problem-solving treadmills is a treat. 

Recently a member of my team was banging their head against an issue updating digital content that could potentially both cause client issues as well as a degradation of SEO and findability. Many urgent fire-drill conversations, and many team members were involved. As they explained the conflict to me, I asked the simple question, “Why are you doing this?” The answer was “Because SoandSo Exec asked us to.” (Aaargh, that deserves an entire post.) So, I asked, “What is the goal?” They explained the goal was to get to consistent language for our clients and more frictionless experience. I challenged them again, “Do you think reducing findability and confusing existing clients serves that goal?” No, of course not. Think differently. The team came up with a new solution to provide an intermediate page with an impact-reduction plan, and the team heaved audible sighs of relief. The mirror in front of them showed one path, the path with a single solution. Tilt that mirror, and new paths reveal themselves. 

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Which leads me to the last, and most important, reason a mirror is my leadership spirit animal object: an ideal mirror provides a reflection to see yourself in the best light. The best version of yourself. Not “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” style where you are asking the mirror to lie, but rather the one where you genuinely inside see a reflection that makes you FEEL GOOD. 

One of things I believe is most rewarding as a leader is showing someone a version of themselves they didn’t even know was there. I love to examine people to find the shining lights inside of them. There is a scene in Pan when one of the Lost Boys smooshes grown-up Robin Williams’ face around, searching for the boy leader he knows, and with a joyful tone of recognition and relief finally says, “There you are, Peter!” This is what it is like when you help someone find the authentic version of themselves, and show them how to bring that version to their team, to their work. 

At the company I led, one of our rally cries (legitimized by a widely adopted hashtag - that’s when you know people really mean it) became #ListenToYourWeird because we so strongly believed in bringing our real selves to work. 

During a tough client situation, I had a team member doubting whether they could facilitate through the crisis. This guy was intensely creative, and an amazingly empathetic user experience designer. But he wasn't comfortable guiding people through tough discussions to arrive at solutions. I knew he could do it. I went with him to the meeting, and I said, "I will be here to help. But you are doing the work." He NAILED it. I left the meeting early, stepping away saying the team had it handled. That little bit of safety net is all he needed to find in himself something I could see was there. Later, he posted on his own social media, "This is what it feels like to be empowered to do your best job." I took a screengrab of that post, because there is No. Better. Feeling. than seeing someone else feel that kind of goodness about themselves.

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For me, this exercise helped me crystallize a few tenets of my leadership belief system. As a leader, I should offer:

• Unbiased candor
• Creative perspective
• Authentic inspiration

So, I encourage you to think about what is your Leadership Spirit Animal Object? Maybe you are a wine glass, a toothpick, a soft snow hat... have some fun, see what comes to you. Even meaningful leadership inspiration can come in playful forms.