Finding Your Authentic Voice

I was jealous, even though I shouldn’t have been. I was at a conference in San Diego last year watching Dr. Britt Andreatta give an inspiring talk to a packed audience that was hanging on her every word. And with good reason – she is a widely recognized thought leader on the neuroscience of learning, the author of several books, and an internationally sought after keynote speaker. She’s also been my close friend and mentor for nearly 25 years, so I should have been happy for her success – and I was! In that moment, though, I was also feeling a little jealous, because she’d found a way to live her dream and I hadn’t.

Early in my career, I had grand visions of writing books, traveling the world, speaking to huge audiences, making a lasting difference. That hasn’t come to fruition. Don’t get me wrong – I have a great life and career, and I don’t regret any part of my journey. Yet I still feel that desire to make a bigger impact, to share my ideas more broadly in the service of helping others, and I still feel frustrated that I haven’t been able to bring that dream to life.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, and I know not all of us can be the next Oprah Winfrey or the next Deepak Chopra or the next Britt Andreatta. But lately I’ve realized that it’s not really about having a huge audience, although that would sure be nice. The real challenge is for each of us to share our ideas in ways that make sense for us, and the key to doing that is to find our own authentic voice. That’s harder than it sounds – it’s not just about sharing whatever unfiltered thoughts come to mind, it’s about doing the work to get clear about what we really want to say, and finding ways to communicate our ideas that benefit and resonate with others.

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” -Audre Lorde

It’s hard, but it’s worth it. We all have amazing ideas and unique perspectives, and I believe there is a path for each of us to share our thoughts with those who will find value in them. This path may be different for each of us, but it exists nonetheless. I’m no expert in this, as I’m still working on it myself, but I thought I’d share a few insights I’ve had over the past few months as I’ve been practicing sharing my own thoughts more openly in my writing.

Get started and see what comes. 

I have found that the very act of writing helps me clarify what I actually want to say. I had thought I was pretty clear on my own thoughts, but sitting down and starting to type somehow allows my thoughts to evolve into a form that might actually make sense to others.

Look for opportunities to be vulnerable.

It takes courage to be vulnerable, to share aspects of your life and journey that others may misunderstand, or that show a side of yourself you feel self-conscious about. Of course I don’t recommend airing all your dirty laundry, but I’ve found that thoughtfully including personal stories can go a long way toward expressing yourself more authentically.

Have compassion and be gentle with yourself.

I am my own worst critic, and my inner skeptic is the voice that does the most to hold me back. Taking a deep breath, slowing down, and getting grounded helps me treat myself and my work with greater sensitivity – although this is a lesson I seem to have to keep learning!

Trust that your thoughts are worth sharing.

I won’t say that others’ opinions don’t matter, because when we’re trying to find an audience their opinion DOES matter. But we can start with building trust in ourselves that our ideas are valuable. If we truly believe this, we’ll find people who value the ideas we share.

Start slow and seek support.

Rather than committing to writing a whole book or doing a speaking gig every week, try taking a smaller step first. This will help build confidence and momentum to take on bigger challenges. You can also ease anxiety about how your work will be received by first sharing it with a few people who you ask to provide encouragement instead of critical feedback.

In retrospect, that twinge of jealousy I felt while watching Britt speak was a blessing in disguise – it helped me renew my motivation to find and share my own voice. In that spirit, I’ll leave you with this quote from the expert herself, from her book Wired To Grow:

“Within each of us is unrealized ability waiting to blossom into the fullest expression of who we are meant to be.” -Britt Andreatta

From right to left: Britt, me, and our friend Teresa at ATD ICE 2018 in San Diego.