Finding Where You Belong

One of my favorite things about working in reentry, helping formerly incarcerated individuals survive and thrive in their life out of prison, is the inherent community building that comes with it. Each year, I lead a handful of groups, usually of five to fifteen men and women in each, where we have weekly classes talking about entrepreneurship and personal development. Time and again a special kind of magic happens in these rooms.

At the beginning, these individuals know nothing about one another. But besides their justice-involvement and interest in bettering themselves, they universally share a desire to connect with like-minded people. As the cohorts progress, these connections often transform from peers in a program to close partners, friends, and members of their own grassroots support group.

The lack of opportunity and resources which harms the underrepresent communities in the United States permeates their lives post-incarceration. For one, there is a psychological barrier just as there are tangible ones. The "Entrepreneurs in Training" who I work with often have no other outlet to talk about their entrepreneurial ambitions or personal growth. The classes act as that safe haven.

But this challenge is far from limited from the formerly incarcerated population.

We hear about it constantly now about how we are in a crisis of loneliness. Last year US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared it an epidemic saying that, "The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day." A Meta-Gallup survey from 2023 found that 1 in 4 adults globally reported feeling "very" or "fairly" lonely. According to Pew Research, 30% of adults have 2 close friends or fewer.

For thousands of years people have relied on community to function in society. Primates were very much social creatures. Modern research continuously shows the strength of our relationships as one of the strongest indicators of overall happiness in people. Yet so many of us struggle with this piece.

We work "remote" and have all of the necessary entertainment options and lifestyle requirements accessible on our devices at home. It used to be where only a vacation to a tropical island or deep into the wilderness would be described as "remote," but now it's representative of our whole way of life.

Tribalism is something that has a negative connotation in today's political climate. But tribalism in large part is not bad for us, in fact it's quite the opposite assuming it's not used for hatred or zero-sum purposes. We need to be a part of positive tribes. Communities, support groups, networks, tribes, and whatever other name we want to give them, help us cultivate a sense of purpose.

In David Brooks' book, The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life, he talks about how all of us face two mountains in life. The first mountain is about "the self," the pursuit of success, personal freedom and ego. This often leads to a sense of emptiness. The second mountain is the one that offers true joy, being the one about the pursuit of building relationships and focused on what we can give to others.

Regardless of whether we are currently climbing one of these mountains, at one of the peaks, or in the valley, this framework shows us how the true power of the second mountain and the need for someone (or something) to catapult us on the path towards righteousness.

The cohort-based model like reentry programs and Alcoholics Anonymous, can be incredibly effective methods for building pro-social relationships and creating a sense of belonging. But these kinds of groups should not be dedicated just to those who have reached a breaking point and are looking to rebuild their lives. This kind of work can and should be embraced by all of us.

One of my focuses for this year has been to find new groups to tap into to gain a greater sense of belonging. So far, new additions have been joining a book club and a local yoga studio.

If you're thinking about how this could apply to you, below are some other ideas:

• Athletic groups
• Arts and craft-based classes
• Cooking classes and clubs
• Learning a new language with others
• Acting, dancing, and related classes
• Intellectual groups for creative writing, philosophy, etc.
• Gaming communities
• Volunteering in support of a good cause

There are plenty I'm not thinking of.

Whatever it may be, let this be the spark for you or someone you know to find the sense of community that each of us deserves.

Until next week, have a wonderful day.