Finding the thing you can say no to in order to say yes to yourself.

I know you’ve heard me say this before, but I’m going to say it again anyway:

I’m a lifelong people pleaser.?

Scratch that.

I’m a recovering people pleaser.

For years, I thought the only way to succeed was by pleasing everyone else, neglecting my own needs in the process.?

I had a tendency to say “no problem” to everything that came my way.

In fact, I had a manager once say to me, “Tracy, not everything can be a ‘no problem.’”

Did I turn beet red when he said this to me? Why yes, yes I did. ??

But after my initial embarrassment waned a bit, I realized he had a valid point.

I did a little soul searching, and realized that there were a couple of reasons why I always said yes right off the bat:

1?? I was too scared to get clarity around requests for fear others would think I didn’t want to help

2?? Even worse, I thought others would assume I didn’t know what I was doing and they’d question why I was in a leadership position in the first place.

I had always strived to be someone others could trust, who could get the job done no matter what, who always made others’ lives easier.

Therefore, whenever a request came my way, I didn’t even take a breath before saying yes.

And by doing so, these were the results:

?? I’d waste time, running around in circles trying to figure things out on my own.

?? I’d lose sleep due to the stress I was putting on myself.

?? My own priorities fell by the wayside.?

I thought this was just how things had to be.

When my manager brought this up to me, he helped me realize that it’s okay to ask for context, to get help with priorities, and sometimes, believe it or not, to - GASP - say no!

Case Study:

Just a few weeks ago, I had a call with a client, we’ll call her Angela, who is responsible for hundreds of people. Her department is going through significant changes. She is overwhelmed.

Angela has a hard time delegating because there’s simply too much work and no time to train her staff.

She has spent years catering to others, to make sure they have what they need, often at the expense of her own needs.

Angela will often work through lunch because so many DRs come knocking on her door for support during that hour.

She rarely leaves the office on time.

And her health, which she used to prioritize, has been put on the back burner due to her packed schedule.

In our session, as we worked through this, something clicked: Angela realized she doesn’t want to let others down, yet by saying yes to them and no to herself for so long, she was in fact letting HERSELF down.

She hadn’t been including herself as one of the most important people in her life.

Through our coaching, Angela committed to making some actual changes to her daily routine so that she can start taking steps to get her health back on track, including taking a little time out of her lunch hour to go for a walk each day.

Yes, this will take time away from those who come knocking on her office door.

But Angela is excited to see how her energy shifts, both in terms of her physical health as well as the renewed energy she’ll be able to bring to her leadership role.?

In fact, she’s hopeful that by taking time out for herself will lead to taking more time out for some delegation.

And the last thing she said to me was:

“I’m not being selfish by putting myself first.”

Personally, I can’t wait to see how things continue to shift for Angela.

How are you prioritizing yourself? What’s one thing you can say no to in order to say yes to something you want or need?

Cheers, Tracy

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