Finding the Sweet Spot

Finding The Sweet Spot

by Gretchen Smith

Originally published in July of 2015 in Rosarito Mexico

So we can't change other people...or can we. I wrote this article in 2015 while working with young women who were restarting their life after being victims of human trafficking in Mexico. They often had a lot of bad business ideas that would have resulted in failure and more discouragement and could have propelled them back into the life they had been left behind. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is block someone's bad idea and keep them focused on their sweet spot and give them a push.

So...you want the CHANGE THE WORLD! Great! That starts by affecting change in the lives of the people around you. We are often taught that we cannot change others...that is utterly false. A lot of people will say that you have to first make the changes in your own life before you can help someone else but in my experience this is not always the case. For example, you might be trying to quit smoking and failing but have the skills of a brilliant business person. While you probably can't help someone quit smoking you may be able to help them with business matters so don't let your own failures stop you from sharing your gifts. There are many many ways to affect change in the lives of others. Ultimately it is up to the individual to actually make the change long term but world changers must choose to step up and do the dirty work to help bring that change in the lives of those that are in there circle who are serious about getting to their sweet spot in life.

20 years of community development and transformation has taught me that most people don't really want to change. There are many reasons for that and some of those reasons are valid such as they need to keep their day job to put food on the table and simply don't have enough energy left to make the necessary changes to get into their sweet spot. In that case the focus should be to help them put down strong boundaries and become more efficient. Unfortunately many of the reasons people don't want to change are mostly based in fear. They may fear that the stress caused by the change will be too much for their family. They may fear that they will fail and more commonly they may fear that they may succeed and that they will actually have to live a life that is completely foreign to them which often means leaving old friends behind and moving in a new direction.

The biggest and most important job of a world changer is to discern who really wants to change and who is not serious about it. NEVER invest time, resources or energy into someone who does not really want to change. Once you find a person who is seriously interested in getting out of their old patterns and moving into their sweet spot the next step is to try to understand where that sweet spot is and what needs to happen to get them there. This step is a lot harder than it sounds because the individuals often don't really share what is really in their heart because it sounds so absurd to them..instead they may choose to share what they think is the next step in the process. You need to block that and get to the bottom of what makes their heart sing.

As an example, perhaps their sweet spot is to go live with the birds in the amazon and create a documentary about that but what they will tell you is that they want to start a photography business and sell their photos (this is one step of the plan they have made to ultimately get them to their sweet spot.) Your job as a world changer is to BLOCK this. It is a shitty plan and they need to think bigger and take greater steps of faith. Instead of starting a photography business (which won't produce the resources they need) they may need to go work their ass off in a construction job for 4 months, save every penny and then get a plane ticket to get their ass on location where they can actually start achieving their real goal. Ironically most people have no real understanding of where they will function best so they just keep trying to fit in to the existing mold which is a time waster. If they stay in that plan they will fail.

Another example might be a single mother who has a heart to work with women who have been trafficked by building a home for them. This is also a false track. This person need to think laterally and form partnerships. They should NOT try to build a new home for women they should try to find an existing organization to partner with and someone who has an existing structure that can be loaned to them. Unlike the independent birder they will need much support from the community and they will need to learn to partner partner partner. They should take their family, move into a small home that is loaned to them and move one or two women in with them and start there. They will have to get used to living in cramped crowded conditions with hurting individuals and that will ultimately be the most life changing experience for them and if this is their sweet spot they will find a way to stick it out through thick and thin.

The irony of being a world changer is that most of your work will involve BLOCKING BAD PLANNING. There is a false idea that we need to be open to new ideas, open minded and open hearted. That is the last thing someone needs to be to get to their sweet spot in life. To get to their sweet spot they need to have extreme self-discipline, set strong boundaries, and they need to work very very hard to eliminate all non-essential activities that are a suck on their time and energy. As a world changer you will need to take great care to identify and address their fears which they probably can't even identify themselves. Never accept the first answer they give you and get to the bottom of why something is not happening...there may be a legitimate reason like a sick child or their may be a whole lot of excuses like I don't have the money or resources or time...that is a lie. This world is full of money and resources and their time can be invested more wisely. What they might really be saying is that they don't think they deserve it...then you have a real problem because if they don't believe in their right to get to their sweet spot then you have to stop everything and address the spiritual issues that are affecting them and that often takes a specialist...not your everyday average world changer but a kick ass mentor who won't take their shit and will remove the spiritual blocks from their lives. The truth is that most won't submit to the necessary spiritual work which is far more difficult than the physical work. If you get to the point where you identify that they are not making in the necessary changes due to a spiritual block then consider doing the following until they are willing to face it and remove it.

1. Remove all support

2. Go silent in their life

3. When asked why you are no longer supporting them respond that you are waiting for them to face some of the spiritual blocks in their life and that you will be happy to continue to assist them once there is true repentance.

4. Wait, watch, and pray. You might be surprised, every so often someone you have written off as hopeless might step up and make the necessary changes to get to their sweet spot.

5. Position other people who have different personality than you in their life to expose the truth in a different way. The truth usually has to be presented to them multiple times by at least 12 different people with 12 very different personalities before they finally get it and make the real change...remember you are just one of many people that God will send to walk with them on their journey.

6. Do NOT bend. Do not give in until there is serious and real repentance at which point you can cautiously step back in and continue with them on their journey to their sweet spot.

7. Give them space and time to change and keep observing from a distance.

Remember, God did not give up on you and he won't give up on them. He will keep patiently calling each individual into their sweet spot over and over again. Most will resist for a very long time (For me it was about 7 years of struggle before I even set one foot into my sweet spot and occasionally I still stray from it. When helping to direct someone to their sweet spot your job is to be the wall that blocks them everytime they step off the path and head in the wrong direction and God will give you discernment to know when to walk and when to block. Most of the side steps they take will look like wonderful opportunities to them...they won't like being blocked..do it anyway. They need to be trained to stay on the path, to develop self-discipline, discernment, and focus in order for them to get to their sweet spot in life. You will look like the enemy to them for most of the journey. Later, after they have swallowed their pride many will come back and thank you and some of them will even walk with others as they journey to their sweet spot.

We often hear the phrase by Mahatma Ghandi, "Be the change you want to see in the world." To me that means stepping up and doing what needs to be done which is true but the most powerful thing you can do is to help someone get into their sweet spot. Interestingly once they are square in the center of it God will expand their territory so rapidly that their sweet spot will become larger and larger and more and more gifts and blessings will be showered on them and their territory enlarged. I am not sure why God set it up this way and when I get to heaven we will probably have a conversation about that but the bottom line is that the journey to the sweet spot is most likely full of challenges so that once we arrive we have the strength of character and abilities needed to function in our sweet spot. This verse is a constant reminder that we must be in our sweet spot to receive our blessings.

"Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them." Matthew 13:12 NIV

the New Living Translation reads.

"To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them."