Finding Strength in Resilience

I have not fallen apart this week. This is a new and exciting development.

I've realized that problems - whether it's my personal fears, insecurities, worries, or actual start up problems - will not go away.

It's not hard because it's early stages (even though it is), it's not hard because I haven't done this before (even though it is) and it's not hard because the problem we're solving is so huge and important (even though it is). It's hard because that's just how this works. Startups are hard by design. That is why most of them fail. It's not going to get easier, it's just going to be different.

And that's OK. That no longer scares me.

As the great Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In the gym, failure doesn’t equal defeat, it equals success."

When you lift until failure, it means you have found your edge, and you are now becoming stronger. Next time, you will push that edge a tiny bit farther, and then -farther still.

I've gotten into a rhythm of whack a mole-ing, and now I just have to keep up the pace. But it's good - I've trained these muscles before, in various ways, big and small, over decades. I've had to unlearn some bad habits and harmful self-conditioning for sure, but overall - problems we can deal with. They just need a good whack.

This is a marathon, and there will always be something to deal with. That is outside of our control.

What is under our control is how we interpret the problem and react to the situation. It's like there are alternate, parallel universes and if you find that little magic moment when you have a choice - you can take the other option.

Asking - what if I did not let this get to me? What then?

Sometimes, these moments are easy to catch. A thought, a worry, a conversation that didn't go the right way. You can quickly reframe, and move forward in a way that avoids a lot of wasted time and energy.

Other times, it may not be so simple.

Negative feedback, for me, is really hard.

And don't get me wrong, I love feedback. I assume I am potentially wrong about things all the time. Especially when it comes to designing our products. I have a lot of assumptions, and I am open to other options, ways to improve, or to completely pivot. I love feedback from customers. I want to build something people love.

But there are times in which people say certain words that cut deeper than that. Words that are harsh, direct and bypass the filters.

They feel like a big, hairy, ugly, wet sweater.

The reaction to this kind of feedback is not my mind playing the "overthink" game, or stress encroaching on me like a black cloud. This is different.

This kind of feedback I feel in my body. Heavy and uncomfortable.

This week - since I'm experimenting with new ways of dealing with problems - I just sat in the feeling. I didn't push it away, or push it down deeper, or ignore it. I couldn't catch it before it sank into my bones. Reframing it didn't help.

So I just sat it in. I let it feel uncomfortable.

I reflected on why exactly those words cut so deep. I took a walk. I didn't wallow in the feeling. I didn't get it escalate, but I allowed it to run it's course.

And then I set it aside.

I don't like this sweater. Thank you, but I'm just going to leave this here. This hairy, ugly gift you gave me, doesn't serve me well. I'm not going to wear it.

And this "sweater put down" exercise is also training a muscle. I want to say I hope it will get easier in time, but I'm not sure it will. I will always be in training, and I will always feel things deeply, because I care, deeply. I am human.

But I am resilient. Or at least - I am learning to be.

?? If you're an early stage founder, know that you are not alone. If you know an early stage founder - reach out to them. Let's support each other as we build the future together. Let's not go alone.