Finding Space – A Personal Purpose Journey

Do you remember when it was popular in job interviews to ask “What’s your biggest weakness”? I was given the advice that my response should be something like, “I’m a perfectionist” because that’s a way to get around the question. Well you know what? That was terrible advice.

Perfection is often drilled into us starting early in life. Trying to get 100% in school, performance in sports and activities and even many work assessments only reward people if they achieve 100% or higher. 100% had been how I operated. In fact, I remember many coaches use the common phrase, “You need to give 110%.”

It was just recently that I realized the myriad of problems when trying to always operate at 100%. I was stressed to the point that I had fast-paced breathing, I was frustrated when people asked for help because it ate into my time, and I struggled to step away from work for fear that I wouldn’t be able to respond immediately to incoming inquiries. This would cause me to sometime go into ‘do’ mode rather than stopping to think about the bigger picture. Yes I got a lot done, but output volume I realized is not the best measure of success.

Thankfully, two things happened that changed my ways and my life. First, a mentor of mine told me to try operating at 75% because my output at that level would be just as good. After years of 100%, someone finally told me it was ok – in fact better – to do less. I started to block time on my calendar for reflection and thinking and was unwavering about moving that time. I also set more realistic expectations with others on when calls could be scheduled, when I would respond or complete something. I looked at opportunities to set boundaries. Second, I was encouraged to find a whole day in my schedule that I could use to only focus on myself. I called it my Personal Purpose Day (PPD) and it was truly self-care for my mind.

Both of these things made me realize I’m now a recovering #perfectionist and that finding space is the solution. This enables me to take care of my own wellbeing and in turn to show up better in my personal and professional life.

In hopes that I can give some practical advice, as I had received, I will share three obstacles that must be overcome to find space.

1.?????Doing

Henry Ford said, "Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it." I believe it’s much easier to do than to think. I’ve spent many years putting my head down, getting things done and checking off items on my list (oh, I do love a good list). It’s this sense of accomplishment to complete your tasks. And then what happens? You add more tasks. We never write thinking, reflecting or space on our to-do list. Usually because it’s hard, just as Henry Ford said. We avoid the space.

What to do? Stop. Yes, that’s right, simply stop. I know, I know… it’s hard to stop when there is so much to do! That means put the electronics away, turn off the phone and ignore the list (my 20-year-old self would die hearing that). For each person, this is going to look a bit different. For me, I did my PPD and I put it on the calendar and told someone the day to hold myself accountable.

Running is another way that I get my mind to stop being focused on doing and it helps me find space. For some, it might be yoga or meditation or sitting with some blank sheets of paper. For others it could be a walk or bike ride. Whatever it is, you need to give it a try, even if you start in small increments.

2.?????Distractions

Along with my love for having a list to check off, I would fill my time with meetings, emails and tasks. These can make us feel busy and accomplished by doing. But these are often just distractions turning our attention away from space we need. I’ve probably checked my email 10 times while writing this article because the notification went off. (Cut me some slack, I’m still a recovering perfectionist!) In our always on, notification filled world, distractions close off or cut short many wonderful thoughts in our minds. If you’ve even seen a storyboard for a show or film, it purposefully has a lot of white space so that notes can be added. There’s a lot filling up our storyboards right now as we navigate returning travel, but we need to ensure there is white space left around the story.

What to do? One approach is to take five minutes at the end of each week to assess how it went and where you could have made time for space. I could share a number of approaches I’ve used or read about to limit distractions, but this is not just about finding a few more minutes each day or spending less time just responding to emails. This is about finding time do deep thinking, which might require a few hours a week or every other week. The repetition is key.

3.?????Directed

While we are busy with our doing and distractions, we are also being directed. Our goals are often directed for us, making it hard to commit to finding space.

In many organizations, you are given goals based on your responsibilities. You might have goals related to promotion and advancement. I found that many of our goals have to fit within a set framework or structure, therefore making them directed. These goals can have limits and a cycle of achieve and then reset. If you lack goals that relate to your values and your purpose, your desire and motivation to find space can be challenging.

What to do? This is a bit of the chicken or the egg, but you need to find space and time to set goals for you. A great exercise to kick-start this is the Brené Brown exercise on setting values. Once you set your values, you can then set goals that align to those values (not tied to roles and responsibilities) and you’ll be more likely to find space to advance those goals, knowing they’re truly your own.

What are some outcomes of finding space and overcoming doing, distractions and direction? The more I gave myself space to think, the more strategic and thoughtful my approach to work became! What a novel idea that something you do more often becomes consistent and easier. Yes, read the sarcasm in the last sentence as I shake my head at myself for not realizing the simplicity of needing to practice thinking if I wanted to bring more valuable thoughts.

My PPD gave me so much clarity on my personal purpose and the drivers of that purpose. Along with the values exercise, it enabled me to set goals that I felt excited about and that I truly own. When I do my weekly assessment now, I know what to measure against to determine if I’m working toward my #purpose.

Lastly, the biggest outcome of finding space is realizing what you can bring to others. I like the term “turning your cameras out.” None of what I do matters unless I’ve made an impact and thought about what people need from me. Operating at 100% left little time to consider outcomes and the reasons for all of my doing.

So if you’ve made it to the end of this article, well done for giving yourself the space to read and think about this topic! And bonus points if you didn’t get distracted while reading. I hope the lessons I learned and continue to learn as a recovering perfectionist will help you if you struggle to #findspace.?