Finding Shelter in Uncertainty

Once upon a time called now, I find myself sitting in a street level apartment home office in San Francisco. My home office to be exact, which sits across the street from the Third Baptist Church on the North end of Alamo Square. What some still refer to as the Fillmore District.

My particular block is relatively quiet compared to other parts of the city. On typical work from home mornings I can hear birds chirping mixed with the street noise one would expect to hear in major metropolitan areas. Conversations in various languages of tourists passing by, Lyft and Uber drivers speeding to get their next fare, and the unfortunate sound of smashing glass as another unlucky tourist’s rental car finds itself as the newest part of the smash and grab epidemic that has plagued the city for years. These are the days of our lives.

The new epidemic, scratch that, pandemic of SARS-CoV-2 has drastically changed the day to day sounds emanating from the streets into my home office. The initial Shelter in Place ordinance enacted on St. Patrick's Day made the city eerily quiet. The birds still chirp, but the conversations in languages I don’t understand and speeding ride-share drivers were much fewer.

New sounds and conversations have started to take their place. I definitely noticed more people coughing, and a drastic uptick of un-housed substance abusers screaming at other people in the street. Our neighborhood is lacking the SF street people that you might know as a stereotypical knock some make on the city, so this was very unexpected. Perhaps this community who had already been socially distanced by other inhabitants of the city was feeling even more isolated. Perhaps they were afraid because they were one of the most at-risk societal groups to the disease, or perhaps they were just having fun and taking advantage of empty streets.

The conversations I could understand were mostly people talking on the phone while they escaped their apartments to stretch their legs and get some fresh air. As we go further into the SIP ordinance many of those overheard conversations had to deal with the people getting laid off, while others were actively pivoting their start up business model to stay current with the desperate times. One sad young woman told her confidant on the other line that she had just been laid off, and "this is the worst year of my life.” Her words, not mine.

I’ve started to wonder if someone like me noticed similar things during the 1918 flu pandemic. Surely many things have changed since then, but as I learn more about the present situation the parallels to the past are striking. Blaming the cause and spread of the pestilence by a foreign entity, social restrictions placed on large populations mandated by municipalities, and the disproportionate toll the low income, immigrant and non-white communities bear in terms of overall cases and deaths.

I’ve started to wonder a lot of things actually. Am I going to die from this? What about my family and loved ones? How will I handle being stuck in a 900 square foot apartment with my schoolteacher wife who had to adjust to a completely different workday? The answers to all of these remain unknown, but I’m fairly certain my marriage will survive despite a rough first two weeks of the new normal. My wife is a gem and I would be in a much darker place if it was not for her and her divine sense of humor.

Another thing that has definitely weighed on my thoughts since the beginning: will my business survive the shutdown? For a little over three years I have been a natural foods broker in the booming Away From Home (ie Foodservice) channel of food sales. This channel is probably the biggest bucket of all classes of trade in the food world – encompassing corporate campuses, colleges, restaurants, meal kit deliveries, hotels, casinos, resorts… you name it. If it wasn’t a traditional grocery store, convenience chain or amazon.com, it was a potential customer for me and the brands I represent. Since 2010 more meals were consumed away from home than at home in the US, and the trend seemed to increase every year with no end in sight.

That is until now. With the closure of almost all of the above it makes the sales prospects pretty slim. As a veteran salesperson for one of the biggest distributors in the space put it best, “It’s hard to sell in the Away From Home channel when everyone is forced to be at home.”

The timing could have been better. I had just stepped into a partnership role with a successful and respected brokerage firm Natural Source Sales, owned by my mentor the venerable Greg Arz. Aligning my five-year plan with the company’s would bring me full ownership when Greg retired, and then the sky was the limit. All of my efforts and thoughts were to strengthen our foundation, establish supports and then expand into eternity. Eventually reaching Valhalla, or whatever the equivalent is for outspoken and successful food salespeople who have gloriously passed on.

Kind of hard to think about expansion during a recession caused by this current health crisis. It has been likened by industry experts as a plague and/or an atomic bomb due to its catastrophic impact on the restaurant, hospitality and leisure industries. Lucky for me being headquartered in Silicon City, my biggest customers and their thousands of hungry employees will reopen their palatial offices and come back, but when? Like all good businesses we have squirreled away a rainy-day fund for lean months, but like any business we need income to keep the doors open.

Ahhh, the uncertainty of it all. It seems to really be weighing on people, myself included. Undoubtedly the staggering death counts and images of body bags being loaded into the back of reefer trucks has led many to describe these as dark times.

Ironically, I cannot help but think of SARS-CoV-2 as a very bright light. One that is currently shining into all the dark places of society, the food industry, and my personal life. Areas most of us have been too busy to focus on while the general speed of modernity surged ahead and distracted us with shiny things and hopes of a payout at the end of the race.

Currently the biggest gift the pandemic has given me is a forced containment in my cozy apartment with lots of time to reflect. I have always led a very active life both physically and socially and am situated in one of the best areas in the world if you like to get outside, socialize and have fun. My job is demanding, but enjoyable as I am paid to travel locally and all over the Western US to talk shop about food, one of my biggest passions. I am, for the most part, putting something out or giving something of myself all the time. The only way I manage is by feeding my soul what it craves the most: good healthy food, a regular yoga practice, and connecting with my loved ones.

Turns out, I don’t need to leave my house to get these things. I’ve always loved to cook, but these past three weeks have unleashed a wellspring of creativity in the kitchen, which has spilled out into all aspects of my life. The time I am making for my yoga has been essential as it is keeping my body fit while simultaneously putting me in a good headspace. I am reaching out via video chat to friends and family members I typically do not get a chance to see.

These things have always made my spirit strong, but they have now been identified as essential to getting through this epidemic. My ego currently cannot be satisfied by the thrills and adventures of the outside world, and I have withdrawn internally to find more than satisfaction of endless desires – a greater sense of calm.

From this place I am not only starting to grasp concepts better but understand them on a deep, personal level. Years of studying Taoism and yoga mystify you with concepts of the Void, the Self and Consciousness. Like the sun lighting up the moon on a cloudless night, I am starting to feel my internal nature illuminating my thoughts. Giving me clearer vision in the present, and a clearer direction for the future. 

I have always said the best part of my job is the connections I get to make with other people, and that is one thing that has gotten better work-wise with the recent change. Despite the lack of sales, I am having some of the most meaningful conversations across my customer and client base. A captive audience with more time and fewer distractions proves to be a boon in this regard. Being open hearted and honest with each other is always freeing and helps you share the most unique thing about yourself: your own personal perspective. Not the perspective of your ego mind or expert opinion you have formed, but the internal essential part of your being that has always existed. Honed over the years by your environment and individual experience.

So what is it that I have to share? 

First and foremost, essential workers in the food industry like delivery drivers and grocery store employees should be given the proper protection and support from their employers and the nation of people that depend on them. The only thing that is going to get us through this is a healthy spirit, which requires a healthy body. We all need access to good, healthy food to keep us alive and well.

An extra $2 an hour might help feed your family for the week, but if your job puts you at a greater risk of getting sick and you can’t afford health care or to take time off, what good is it when you eventually need to leave work and go to the hospital? Without these people, we would not be able to feed ourselves. Like doctors and nurses, we need them to be kept safe and healthy for our own survival.

My deepest gratitude and respect for everyone on the frontlines working to keep us healthy and fed.

Secondly, everyone needs to start listening to health experts. Actually, all experts in their given fields. I understand the concept of freedom of speech, but it seems like the rules of debate have been completely thrown out the window in recent years. If someone says something you don’t agree with or don't want to believe, your counter argument needs to display proof that highlights the fallacy or flaws in the other's argument while at the same time supporting yours. If you can’t do that then you might have to accept the other person's point of view until you can prove otherwise. Trust me, as someone who is always right I know it’s hard.

We need to separate facts from opinions. Like assholes, everyone has opinions – but not everyone has the facts. Subsequently, if you have strong opinions but don’t have the facts to back it up – you end up the asshole.

Everyone, including myself, needs to be better at doing the hard work and research that goes into the pursuit of truth. Yes, even well-meaning experts can be corrupted by the lure of personal gain, but this dovetails into my next sharing…

A critical view of the sources of information is needed now more than ever. Just because you see something on the TV, read it the paper, hear it on the radio, or come across it on social media does not mean it is the truth. We need to look at the who, what, when, where and why behind the article, post, or segment to determine (through our own intellectual discernment) if it is one that deserves to be regarded as truth. The idea that people will believe someone just because they like their style or personality seems insane, but it’s a scary reality we are all living in. What makes it scarier is that people say they read an article, when in fact they might have just read the title or opening paragraph of a “news” update.

Finally, I really hope that people realize their health, their family’s health and the health of the planet are all interconnected. Despite the typical selfishness of the modern American, this crisis has shown me that for the most part people will do the right thing when faced with their mortality, and will work together to survive something that threatens us all. While this wave of pestilence tearing around the globe is terrifyingly horrific, it pales in comparison to the looming threat of climate change driven by human consumption habits. We are all seeing the impacts it has been having: both close to home in the unusual patterns or conditions in the weather and seasons, and far away in the polar ice caps which are melting at an alarming rate.

The Yoga Sutras say the biggest cause of suffering is avidya, or ignorance. May this terrible health crisis provide you with the same light of wisdom it has given me – to further us all along our path in health and happiness.