Finding the Right Therapist: Red Flags versus Green Flags

Seeking therapy is one of the bravest things you can do. It takes immense courage to open up and trust a stranger with your deepest struggles. Unfortunately, not every therapeutic experience lives up to that trust. Some can even be traumatic.

Hearing countless stories of painful therapy journeys breaks my heart ?? and fills me with indignation on behalf of those who’ve suffered. Yet, their resilience and determination to keep seeking the right fit inspire me—it’s a true testament to their strength.

This post is my way of offering some guidance on recognising good matches and avoiding potential pitfalls.

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?? Feeling challenged by your questions: You absolutely have the right to ask about the therapists' qualifications, training, and experience—even how many years they've been practicing. It's important information!

?? Qualifications aren't everything: While advanced degrees are great, the real measure is the therapeutic alliance, namely how safe and comfortable you feel in sharing your truth. Trust your gut on this one!

?? Feeling diminished: If you leave feeling smaller, confused, blamed, or demoralised—by direct comments or even subtle implications—that's a major red flag.

?? Lack of emotional safety: Therapy should be a safe space. If you feel judged, coerced, or unsafe, it's not the right match for you.

?? Unsolicited advice and impositions: A therapist shouldn't impose their personal experiences, values, or beliefs without your explicit consent.

?? Over-identification and hidden agendas: Be wary if your therapist seems overly invested in your feelings or pushing his/her own agenda onto you.

Green Flags: Signs of a Positive Therapeutic Relationship

? You feel motivated, curious, and empowered. A good session leaves you wanting to explore yourself more deeply—whether during or after the session.

? You feel inspired to take action. Even if the actions are small, the desire to move forward is a sign of progress.

? You feel safe, accepted, and heard. The ability to express yourself without fear of judgment is fundamental to a healthy therapeutic relationship.

? Gentle confrontation of unhelpful narratives. A skilled therapist will challenge you, but in a way that feels kind and constructive—not harsh or shaming.

? “Truth bombs” delivered with kindness. Hearing hard truths is easier when it’s done at the opportune time, with tact and with compassion.

? A growing sense of hope and clarity. Over time, you should feel movement toward positivity, hope, and a clearer understanding of yourself.

Remember, therapy is deeply personal. What works for one person might not work for another. Your instincts about the therapeutic relationship are incredibly important.

If something feels off, it probably is. Your wellbeing is paramount, and you deserve to feel cared for and respected.

Don't hesitate to speak up if you have concerns. Talk to your therapist, or seek a second opinion from another professional.

And feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or need guidance. I'm here to help.

Sincerely,

Winifred