Finding the Right Mentor by asking what a "mentor" does (?)

The term, mentor, has been tossed around for so long, it’s almost void of meaning. While there is a growing literature in psychology on effective mentoring for youth of color, there still isn’t a lot of good research on mentoring for adults (even within the professions).

The task of finding a true mentor begins with defining what a “mentor” is, and asking, where did the concept originate. Imagine someone from another galaxy arrives on earth and asks, “I hear you people down here have this thing called a “husband,” can you explain that to me, I mean, what it is? You see, I have a friend back home, named Oui, and well, Oui wants one--you know, a “husband.” You might question this visitor, “Well, what kind of husband is she or he looking for? There are good ones and then there are some really bad apples.” The visitor then says, “Well, I don’t know. If I can explain to Oui what IT IS, then maybe Oui will know what kind she-he wants.”

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Same goes with “mentor.” A lot of people are called or labeled a mentor, but we don’t have good criteria to determine if they qualify or not. What you don't want is to link up with someone believing they are you mentor, then later, get hurt or disappointed. The desire for a mentor goes back thousands of years, to before the industrial revolution in Europe, and as far back as the ancient yogis in India. Before the Industrial Revolution in England, parents sought out a mentor (i.e., master craftsman or craftswoman) for their son or daughter, and that master would train and socialize their apprentice until they were ready to go out on their own (e.g., open their own shoe shop, or dress shop).  

Some years ago, I was invited by a former doctoral student from Taiwan to come to his country to give lectures at three universities in Taichung. He took me to meet his aging parents, who treated me with warmth and great deference (because in their eyes, I was his son’s professor, his “mentor.”) Then we visited the president of his university, and again kind and sincere deference. Then I walked into my former student’s office, and I saw photos of me all over the place. "Wow," I said to myself. When we visited his colleague’s office next door, this faculty member had photos of her dissertation chair all over the walls of her office. Then, I thought, “We’ve lost something back in the US.” 

So first, I would say, let’s be clear about what a “mentor” is—working with criteria. How much commitment of time and energy will you be seeking from such a mentor. What kind of resources and knowledge does she have to offer? What kind of support do you want from your mentor? Is she generous? Patient? What experience does she/he have being a mentor to others? Does she/he have a ‘mentor resume’?  : )

If she or he says, “Yes” to being your mentor, why is she (he) doing it? What’s in it for her or him? What does s-he want in return? Is there a mutual emotional connection?

I wrote a paper published in the journal Youth & Society (2011) where I laid out some of this criteria—I don’t call them mentors, I call them, “empowerment agents.” I also provide an almost comprehensive list and classification scheme for all the forms of support such agents or mentors can possibility provide. No one mentor can provide all forms of support; but you study the list, so you know what to ask for, AND can recognize the type of support you receive. Then the next task is to figure out how you appropriately show your appreciation; maybe ask advice from others who have a long history/herstory of mentorship. See URL below to download article (free). 

https://33193857-ac81-4a30-ab43-d8fea95509fa.filesusr.com/ugd/07cd42_4f2c1d26a6944e159ad9a3d268a779d2.pdf