Finding purpose and happiness (post #4)

Today, I got to be part of the school assembly. I had forgotten that it is just such a beautiful way to start the morning. It began with a prayer song in Sanskrit, followed by a student reciting a verse and its meaning from Bhagwad Gita and Ramayana. This was followed by two students introducing two new English words, their meaning and usage in a sentence. This was followed by ‘thought of the day’ given by one student, news headlines by another, and another student leading the pledge of allegiance for the country. Then, they call out the names of students celebrating their birthdays that day and wish them Happy birthday in Sanskrit. Morning assembly ends with everyone singing the Indian national anthem. This assembly is conducted in all 4 languages - English, Hindi, Malayalam, and Sanskrit once a week. It was really beautiful!?

The thought for today was whether ‘courage’ should be defined as absence of fear. If you don’t feel the ‘overcoming of fear’ while doing something, you are not being courageous, the student said. This was such a beautiful way to explain the meaning of this word, especially since it is so important to enact in life. With the assembly being led by students in different grades each morning, it was such a great way to improve the organization and leadership skills of these young children, and for them to practice courage. I wish I could start every day seeing this!

Today, one of the girls I was coaching mentioned how she was keen to become a urologist because she was battling a related disease. She said it with a smile on her face, a true symbol of courage and conviction! I was again left in amazement at how we as adults are constantly complaining about so many small and big things in life, while these children go through complicated problems with a smile on their faces.??

That said, there are things which cause concern for all students. Tenth grade is the first time in India many students take their first board examinations. To prepare for this cross-country examination, the first of its kind in their student life, it is quite common that students receive advice not only from? parents and teachers, but also extended family, extended friends of their parents, and others on how to tackle it.? Schools give them more frequent class tests in tenth grade to help them prepare for the same. Given the intense competition for college admissions and finding a good job (high population in the country has its disadvantages), any mark they score in these exams seems to be inadequate for most parents. These children are under so much pressure and stress that it seems completely crazy that they are subjected to this at this young age of 15.

Today, the children in my Grade 10 group received their marks for a recent class test. Some were disappointed about not scoring 95% or above marks in some subjects. One girl was in tears because she had not done well and was really worried about the reaction to these marks at home from her parents. She is generally a good student, a house captain of the school; but this one test had completely shattered her self-confidence. I really wish that more of our parents would use positive reinforcement to prepare these children for their first board examination instead of instilling fear and punishing them if they score poorly.?

Constant comparison to other children breaks the child’s self confidence. As a parent, if we can understand the unique circumstances the student was in before the exam (sickness, inadequate rest the night before etc.) and ensure they learn from their past to do better next time, that is what matters. Parents only want the best for their children, with worry and love undoubtedly, but fear as a mechanism to bring out the best hinders these children’s abilities to keep fighting through. Alternatively, when everyone else seems to be pressuring them, parents can provide them the support and encouragement they need to keep going, knowing that their worth and value is more than these tests alone, and reinforcing their faith in their child’s abilities to succeed in life.

Nobody wakes up in the morning to not be their best self that day. When children already have such strength to face each day, why should we, as parents, be the ones to break it? Using positive reinforcement with these children will boost their self-confidence, enable them to enact that courageousness in facing their first public examination, and help them do their best.