Finding Peace With Uncertainty

Being Human

Vulnerability is the dominant emotion we experience during times of uncertainty. That feeling of being exposed emotionally, raw, bare, at risk in some way. I can feel my stomach lurch and my skin prickle just at the thought of it. I can relate to the “state of doubt, want of assurance or confidence” in the Oxford Dictionary 'uncertainty' definition. It’s not a feeling I welcome or enjoy, and yet I’ve had to learn to find peace with it. Another ongoing work in progress as a human being, being human.

When facing uncertainty we are faced with:

• imperfect or unknown information
• not being able to predict future events
• not knowing what will happen next
• being in a state of unsure

When we can’t control the outcome, what will happen, it can take a lot of courage to still show up and do the best we can. When we just don’t, we just can’t, know, or be certain, be sure. Yet somehow we continue.

The Irony

At the same time there is something we can definitely be sure about. And that is, as the mathematician John Allen Paulos wrote: “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is” and? “Knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”

Without a doubt, the world in itself, and a lot of what is happening around us, is uncertain. Especially in these unpredictable times. So how can we feel more secure, more safe, less adrift during times of uncertainty and, indeed, become more settled with being somewhat upside down?

Making Peace

I have learnt a lot about what happens with my thinking, physical sensations and behaviour during times of uncertainty. I recognise my patterns and have developed ways to let peace exist between me and uncertainty. Peace being a more stress-free state of safety and calmness, rather than resisting and pushing against the uncertainty; a way to coexist with uncertainty in a more accepting and freer place.?

Here are the top 3 methods I utilise in the way I think, feel physically, and actions I take:

Think

WHAT IS, NOT WHAT IF

Rather than worrying - “a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future”, Brene Brown - I focus on what is true and going well now, not what could go wrong; I deliberately catch my ‘what if’ thoughts and consciously think about ‘what is’ instead.

WHAT IS REALISTIC

Rather than catastrophising, imagining the worst case scenario, and getting things all out of proportion, I pull myself back down to earth, and ask myself what is real about this situation, what am I imagining, and what is actual; I find this gives me a reality check and a more realistic perspective.

WHAT I DO KNOW

Rather than focusing on what I I don’t know, what I don’t understand or ‘get’, I list things in to two columns: ‘I Definitely Know’ and ‘I Don’t Know Yet’; the act of realising the things I do know helps me to see I am not starting with a completely blank page, and the introduction of the word ‘yet’ reminds me these are things I can potentially get to grips with in time, it IS possible.

Feel

DEEP BREATHING

Rather than letting physical sensations in my body run riot, I start with my breathing and use the simple and effective method of taking several breaths, where my out breath is longer than my in breath (e.g. count to four as you breathe in, and to six as you breathe out); this begins to kick in my parasympathetic nervous system and a more relaxed and physical state.

BODY SCAN

Rather than feeling disconnected from my body which only adds to the feeling of fight or flight, I sit down, bare feet flat on the floor, and follow a guided body scan meditation; this adds to me feeling back in the present, grounded and back inside myself.

MOVEMENT

Rather than staying somewhere I feel safe and want to hide, I know that getting outside and walking, even if just for twenty minutes, helps me to feel calmer; I find the air and open space helps me to step back and away, and gives my brain something else to think about, I get out of my head physically which invites me to also do so mentally.

Act

REDUCE THE DISTANCE

Rather than staying stuck in a state of freeze, I look at ways I can reduce the gap, whether this is a gap in knowledge (I ask questions, read, research), predictability (I consider what’s likely to happen, what are the odds), and what’s the one next step I can take even if I don’t know all of the steps ahead; taking action and doing something helps me to take my power back and feel I am back in the driving seat even if the journey ahead is not fully known.

CONTROL THE CONTROLABLES

Rather than accept everything as beyond my control, I accept that some things aren’t. And I get clarity on what aspects are in my gift to own and do something with. Rather than procrastination and avoidance - “not showing up, spending energy zigzagging around and away from that thing that already feels like it’s consuming us”, Brene Brown -? I get super clear on what bits I can control and focus my time and energy on those.

BUILD CAPACITY FOR UNCERTAINTY

Rather than reacting when I’m knee deep in uncertainty, I aim to build my threshold for uncertainty by practising. This involves putting myself into new situations. Sometimes saying ‘yes’ and then thinking about how I do those things I’ve just said yes to. This one is the hardest for me, and one thing I do know for sure, is often the things we find most difficult are exactly the ones to help us with the difficulty itself.

Standing Upright

We are wired to be on guard when things are uncertain as we constantly scan the horizon to decide how best we respond - fight, flight, freeze or fawn? It’s a natural and human state to be in - we are human beings, being human. And sometimes uncertainty can be prolonged and start to impact us more negatively, when our own innate self-protection can start to work against us rather than for us. Notice the situations when this is the case for you, start to recognise the patterns in your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Establish the practices that work well for you when you’re upside down and want to feel the right way up.

And if you’d like to work through this with someone who understands what it’s like, please book a call for us to have an initial chat: https://calendly.com/thestarsarealignedcoaching/li