Finding Peace and Happiness Again

Are you still off-kilter since your divorce and feeling anything but peace and happiness? Don’t give up. There’s little that is worse than being in misery and having no hope of it ever changing! Just keeping peace and happiness in your sites will do a lot to get you through.

I was in the misery for a long time, too. I don’t know if it was really a long time, I guess that’s relative, but it felt like forever. The space between the relationship ending and a new life beginning takes a while to navigate. And unlike a lot of journeys there are no markers along the way to give you any idea where you are. I cried a lot over the sheer frustration of having to hang out way longer than I wanted, in a place where my feet couldn’t find solid ground.

It’s All Different

The first thing to remember when seeking peace and happiness is to give up the notion/vision/memory of the way things used to be. Your life will never be that way again and hanging on to those old memories won’t allow you to embrace the good that is coming your way right now. I know that sounds harsh, “Your life will never be the same again…” but you know what? Even if you were still in that relationship it would never be that way again. Everything changes… always.

Moving Along

Life moves and we have to move with it. It’s just that when we experience something like a painful relationship ending it gets marked in our nervous system as  a line of demarcation: I was happy before this and miserable after it, therefore the obvious conclusion is to go back to when I was happy—or at least happier. Even if you could time travel back to that point in your history it wouldn’t be the same. There’s a part of you that knows this. If you want to be happy now, give up that expectation that you can go back to a magic time. It doesn’t exist. Create from here.

Create Something New

So, if you can’t go back, then what? Yikes. The future always looks scarier because it’s so… well… empty. That’s good news and bad news though. An unformed future is like having a blank sheet of paper and a new box of crayons. It’s your future. What do you want to make of it? I hope you will use this as an opportunity to color outside the lines, color softly or scribble boldly, use all the colors of the rainbow plus some more. A future worth having takes some effort. I once heard that if a great life were easy everyone would have one! Hmmm. I think that’s true, how about you?

Where to Start?

It all sounds good in theory doesn’t it? But I hear you having the same questions I did. How the heck do I start creating this great happy life? What I know is that setting an intention is huge. That’s why I suggested the words “finding peace and happiness” at the very beginning of this writing. Did it resonate? Then claim it. Tell God/Spirit/Universe that’s what you want. And then hang on. You will be challenged, inspired, supported, sometimes goaded. I promise there will be times you’ll want to quit because it just seems too hard. But don’t. Life will bring you exactly what you need to grow you into the person who can have this life you seek. Don’t give up on it. Don’t give up on yourself!

Jeannine

I have triple certifications as a life, relationship and grief recovery coach, with extensive training as a relationship systems coach, mediator and collaborative divorce facilitator. I know the heartache of leaving a life you love, and leaving a family without its container. I am divorced, just like you. My divorce came after 30 years of marriage. I was “in it” (the pain, turmoil, confusion, blame, guilt, etc) for a number of years, since it took us nearly 5 years to get divorced. (It was a big decision that I didn't take lightly). One of the remarkable surprises, and one that I totally did not expect, was who I became through the process. Pain changes us. It makes us kinder and gentler and more aware. I became all those things. I love the person I have become, and you can love the new you, too. I can help with that. I fully believe in your ability to get through and get better. You can lean on my faith in you, and my faith in the process, until you find your own.

www.beyonddivorce.com