Finding Our Soul in Civility

It can be dispiriting to live in an age when what makes news is less about what matters and more about who got the better of whom. This dictum is the rule in politics and sadly often spills over into "real life," where friends and family relationships are sundered due to differing points of view.

We need recognition of mutual respect, comity, courtesy – in a word – civility.

The Soul of Civility?by Alexandra O. Hudson is an excellent place to begin to think about where we are now and what we could become if we abided by what Abraham Lincoln called "the better angels of our nature."

Standing the Test of Time

The subtitle of Hudson’s tome says it all:?Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves. The lesson Hudson draws reach from the?Epic of Gilgamesh to Curb Your Enthusiasm. Throughout the book, there are rich dollops of writings from Marc Aurelius, Epictetus, Thomas Aquinas, Chaucer and Hannah Arendt, to name just a few. It is Hudson's skill as a writer that she weaves these insights into her chapters so seamlessly that we keep wanting more, not less. Philosophy was made easy and, more importantly, accessible.

As Hudson notes, civility does not preclude civil disobedience. Citing the examples of the Abolition movement, which championed the eradication of slavery to the modern age of civil rights, she argues that civil disobedience in the pursuit of righteousness—in keeping with the principles of integrity, freedom, and democracy she explores—is necessary to create a more just and more civil society.

Hudson writes about forgiveness. Just because we have been wronged does not mean we should succumb to bitterness. Forgiveness belongs to the one harmed, and what they do with that ownership is up to them. Yet fundamental to civility is the power to forgive, not to forget, to move forward. Acting relies upon magnanimity, a rising above to embrace the greater good.?

Action Items

At the end of each chapter, action items bring the stories and philosophical debates into sharp focus. Here are some examples:

Integrity: “Avoid rewarding spectacle with our attention, and instead choose to elevate substance.” (Focus on the issue, not the noise.)

Civil society: “Consider creating a ‘third space’ that can be a place of building relationship and community, and be refuge from our divided space. This can be a front lawn, a living room, a park, or a front porch.” (Safety breeds connection and community.)

Education: “Remember that the goal of education should be cultivating a love of our fellow persons, ordering our passions, and curbing our self-love so that our social natures might flourish.” (It all begins with what we teach our children.)

Polarization and Tolerance: “Remember the difference between civility and politeness, and that true friendship requires civil truth-telling in love, and not patronizing politeness.” (In short, be honest with those you love.)

Of particular joy to me was Hudson’s analysis of?Curb Your Enthusiasm,?calling creator-star Larry David “television’s favorite curmudgeon… the most astute modern observer of civility… Curb reveals the social norms we take for granted by having its characters constantly?break?those norms." Larry and his cast are serial offenders who make us laugh but reinforce what we know to be true. We aspire to be kind, courteous and civil, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. (To which I can see Larry, the character saying, "Not so fast," and Larry, the creator, wink.)

Fittingly, the book closes on a note of hope. In the final chapter, Hudson includes this quote from Bobby Kennedy: “Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.”

First posted on Forbes.com 4.17.2024

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