HUMILITY & HEALING

Let’s talk about it!

It wasn’t until I took on the role of doing hospitality that I began to go through many feelings regarding it. There have been days where I’ve felt so good from “getting the job done,” making my boss happy, and leaving the guests with such pleasant experiences . . . that I wasn’t really tapping into the real reasons why I decided to say yes to this volunteer position. It was bigger than wanting to make a difference. It was primarily due to feeling unwanted in the spaces that I always existed in—in the States. So, when I found out that volunteering in exchange for housing was an option in Korea, I immediately said yes. I also considered that I needed time to heal from all the trauma that I experienced years past and months before. However, now that I’ve been in this role for 2 months, I’ve come across some intense feelings . . .

The first being: Does humility come from doing hospitality? Or does internal healing come from doing hospitality?

I believe that the answer could be both—or there can even be no connection at all.

Most often, people view doing hospitality as just a job, a job for those who have no other skill sets. For those who are struggling financially . . . the marginalized groups. In America, mostly those in the Latin community are known for taking on the roles in hospitality. Black women are usually seen as nannies for the rich. Asians are usually seen as the epitome of hard work academically. And white people are always the ones placed on a pedestal for us to aspire to be like. And, of course, there are a plethora of stereotypical roles that various ethnic groups either need to take on or are born into.

Nevertheless, my experience is a tad different. I’ve accomplished many things in my life, as an educator and artist, but at this current juncture . . . life seems to be slowing me down, helping me to reflect, feel grief, and tap into parts of me that I never have before.

Often, when I’m doing the laundry, I feel a sense of pride because I’m great at it! And it may seem minimal for most, but I give the same care for the guests that I would want given to me if I were a guest. Ensuring that every task is completed and executed the correct way, so there’s never any question about my work ethic or ability.

Then, there are those days where the guests offer me conversation and the connection that I’ve been yearning for. I learn about them, their travels, and reasons why. However, I’ve noticed how I either don’t know how to answer: How long are you going to be in Korea? What made you stay in Korea? What’s your background story? It’s been quite difficult to answer because—my reasoning is just much more complicated than most would care to know or even understand . . . for me, as a Black woman, from big cities, in the education and entertainment sector . . . mistreatment, navigating grief, the loss of self, career, family, and friendship changes . . . all while processing getting older and hiding my age, on top of it all! Whew! That’s a lot, just from me typing it out for you.

Nevertheless, let’s reconsider my first question about HUMILITY and HEALING.

I’m guessing that the humility side of hospitality being linked to humility is . . . I am someone who felt what succeeding in my desired spaces once felt like. I was known. I was sought after. I was highly respected.

BUT Now, it feels like I’ve lost that. And life is bringing me back down off my high horse, to WORK.

BUT My question for the universe is: did I not work hard before? Did I not do a lot of volunteer work previously, with the same high standards that I placed on myself? Did I not already contribute tremendously to other people’s success: their businesses? . . . at an age where I should be secure enough to not need this type of assistance?

HUMILITY

Google describes it as:

a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.

Collins Dictionary describes it as:

Someone who has humility is not proud and does not believe they are better than other people. Synonyms: modesty, diffidence, meekness, submissiveness

The description that I agree with is from Positive Psychology:

Humility has nothing to do with meekness or weakness. And neither does it mean being self-effacing or submissive. Humility is an attitude of spiritual modesty that comes from understanding our place in the larger order of things. It entails not taking our desires, successes, or failings too seriously.

And you know what Wikipedia says:

Outside of a religious context, humility is defined as being “unselved”—liberated from consciousness of self—a form of temperance that is neither having pride (or haughtiness) nor indulging in self-deprecation. Humility is an appropriate inner, or self-regard.

What’s interesting is that I never thought about HUMILITY in this way. I always saw this word as more of a good thing, more so being willing to “step down off your own pedestal” of expectations and internal arrogance, that you can either do work that you are confident that you can do, even if it doesn’t really align with the fullness of your worth . . . The reason being, it’s assisting you in other ways. Or, being humble and having humility means that you walk in another person’s shoes, in order to develop a different level of care and compassion for others.

And with that, I don’t look down on myself, as the other definitions above allude to. It doesn’t lessen my importance. I’m not—not proud, meek, or submissive. However, I do believe that it is an attitude of modesty and inner, self-regard.

Doing hospitality, at this point in my life, holds a plethora of deeper emotions. The breakdown would be:

? Excitement because I’ve added another skill to my list.

? Appreciation that I have an attentive, understanding, generous, and personable boss! ? Exhaustion because this work is no joke!

? Compassion because now I have an inside look at what is done before I travel to a place and book accommodations.

? Joy because I’ve been able to connect with so many international guests & have some amazing moments and conversations; I actually smile more. lol

? Pride that I’ve been able to do my hospitality work WELL—I’m really, really good at it, and the most important thing is that I know how to multi-task and process any given concern.

? Peace in having a secure place to sleep and re-examine my thoughts and “find myself.”

Then, on the flip, I question:

? Mid-Life Crisis or am I running away from life’s challenges or am I finding myself? ? Fear—is this the “end” of the career I gave years to?

? Anxiety—do I still have the ability to find work that makes me genuinely happy? Will I ever be able to monetize my business efforts?

? Micro-managing anyone who covers me on my days off, trying to make sure they do things “right!” ? Insecurity—how does my boss respond to my white co-workers? Does he like them better than me?

? Arrogance—I know I’m great at this position because I have so many other skill sets, and I get the job done!

? Numbness because I’ve procrastinated on my other responsibilities and began to run on auto-pilot!

I can go on and on, but all in all . . .

Is this the true start of my journey or the end? Have I succeeded because I’m at least in another country, or have I failed because I chose to leave America?

So, I AM unofficially/officially the Manager of a Guesthouse where I do hospitality work—in Seoul, South Korea.

BUT

Let’s go back to my initial title of this entry: finding myself in HOSPITALITY: A reflection on Humility & Healing.

Would you say that these two things go hand in hand?

And would you say that our mental health is both positively and negatively affected because of it?

What are your thoughts?

~deeply

PS. Shout-out to my workers in hospitality—I see you! :)