Finding My WHY

For a long time now, I’ve been seeking answers. I’m a strong leader who can easily communicate and facilitate. I know I’m an introvert by nature and an extravert when needed. I’m self analytical, extremely passionate, and highly motivated. 

But WHY do I enjoy doing the things I do?

A lot of people talk about success and money when they talk about WHY. 

This in itself, isn’t a WHY. 

It’s a side effect. 

Both these factors create endorphins we can become addicted to and chase to keep getting those highs.

But on their own – these are not a WHY. Why do I need to be successful? Why do I need to make money?

These are the sorts of questions that lead us to our true passion in life. 

Once you understand what inspires you, then it’s a much easier task to go out and chase down jobs that resonate with you.

I’m fortunate enough to have found a job that resonates with me before finding my why. That’s what started me wanting to find out why it ignited me so much, and so passionately. Sure, there is an energy within the team. It’s an SME – there’s lots of different hats to wear, lots of learning to do, no comfort zones to sit in, and it’s very entrepreneurial in lots of different aspects.

Sure, there’s a talented team, led by an enigmatic and interesting leader who, in my opinion, is right up there with some of the great visionaries. He even wears Steve Job’s polo neck sweaters to emphasise the point on occasion.

All that is great, but it’s not part of my WHY.

To look at that, I need to go deeper and look at my past. What has led me to be me? What inspired who I have become? What stories have motivated and moulded me?

At a young age, I was academically talented. Not in a straight A kind of way – I was never that interested in it to achieve those sorts of grades. But in the sort of way that I didn’t really have to try very hard to gain good grades, or articulate what I was saying. I knew I was lucky to be able to do that, and I’ve never seen it as something to be proud of – I’ve never worked at it – and in fact I would go as far as to say I’m lazy because of it.

I’d pass exams with an A or a B with zero revision, while my friends seemed to struggle. Unfortunately, that attracted a lot of attention – both from teachers and my ‘friends’. As I got a bit older, this attention became physical and I often found myself, despite being the oldest and tallest in my year, being bullied in the playground.

Put away the tiny violins – I’m not going for sympathy here! But it certainly did feel like an injustice – I was being victimised by the teachers who were supposed to be protecting me, and mocked by them, as well as my classmates. 

I hated it, and vowed one day I’d do something about it.

As I got into comprehensive school, I realised that rather than go running to tell people about injustices, what was far more effective, was to use my size and strength. So I did. Then things went the other way for a year or so – I almost got myself into serious trouble a few times. But the bullying stopped. 

Once that was done, I found myself. I found my personality, I settled into who I was, and accepted myself. 

I got comfortable in my own skin.

As I finished school, I decided to follow my older brother’s footsteps into computers – he was/is my idol, and so I wanted to be like him. I was really introverted, and didn’t have many friends. Sitting behind a desk seemed like a great idea for a career.

Fast forward a few years, and I was at university, realising that actually, people weren’t all that bad. I married at 19, and divorced at 21… before I’d even finished university! I was working at a call centre, and developing some great communication skills and self-belief that would never leave me.

I bumped into an ex-colleague from my work placement one day. He was a Special Sergeant (Volunteer with full policing powers) at the local station, and was running the patrol at the local carnival. We got talking, and he asked me to apply to be a Special Constable myself.

To cut a long story short – I did, and I was successful. 

It was one of the most amazing moves I’ve made in my life! I spent nearly 10 years in the force, working every type of policing, from neighbourhoods to response team, dog section to traffic. 

I loved dealing with the conflict, and having the professional responsibility of sorting good actions from bad actions, and helping to uphold the rights of those who couldn’t do it for themselves.

During this time, I’d decided that I was no longer planning on sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life – that I enjoyed speaking to and talking to people. Simultaneously, the DotCom bubble burst, and I was left with a degree that was irrelevant.

So I used it to spur a career in retail management. The combination of all my experience meant I was a strong leader from the start, and I really began to enjoy my role. Shortly after, it led me to get involved in Loss Prevention, and to start shaping the future of the role within that business. 

Combining with my policing investigative knowledge, it worked really well for me, and I was passionate about it.

I became massively passionate about my teams, and L&D in general. I coached, facilitated and ran training courses. I changed so many lives. I also found I had a deep rooted passion to change education after watching a Ken Robinson TedTalk – he inspired me. I realised that I’d felt let down in my own career guidance and the education I’d received. I had been told to study “maths maths maths” for software engineering. So much so that I’d ruined my A level grades chasing something I wasn’t amazing at. Ultimately, when I got to uni, I’d realised two things – I hadn’t needed that much maths, and software engineering wasn’t the degree I thought it was!

Fast forward a few years. I’d learned so much in 15 years in retail. I’d become a very successful and respected leader in my field. I’d done great things within Loss Prevention for the business. I’d left the police due to needing more home life balance. 

I felt deflated. I felt tired. I felt stressed, and yet the business hadn’t changed. I had.

I have a 3 year old son, Leo. He’s changed me and my fiancée so much for the better. This was when I realised my life values had changed and it was time to move on from retail leadership.

And so, here I am. 

Working as a retail consultant for a tech consultancy who use AI to help people make better decisions, faster.

So what’s my WHY?

As I write this, I’ve managed to move from having two, into having one. Originally, I had a WHY around helping people become the best version of themselves (thinking around coaching and education, mentoring and facilitating self-discovery). 

I also had a separate one for wanting to be a force for good against evil, and helping people stay away from the path of wrong. 

What I realised as I began to write these out, is that they are the same thing, just different viewpoints.

"I want to inspire people to be the best version of themselves so that they can make the right choices in life and find fulfilling work in jobs that inspire them, too."

So how does this play into my current role?

It’s simple.

Part of the TMAC brand is around helping to educate people about misconceptions surrounding AI and Data Science. 

It’s often overpromised and underdelivered. 

We are going to change the world and fix that.

If that's not enough on it's own, I work on Loss Prevention consulting. 

We lead this with the belief that it is within our powers and moral obligation as employers to prevent dishonesty from the team in any way possible, and ensure they stay on the right side of honest. 

Whilst there is an element of detection of ongoing theft – it’s also necessary to try and predict patterns that may turn into theft or fraud, and create prescriptive actions to prevent that happening. 

This is another reason why I’m so excited to work with the Behavioural Sciences nudge theory with Cowry Consulting – as their work can push this even further in a more personal and environmental sense.

Aside from that, we’re doing a lot of work with the team at House Hack, and working to help students gain real world experience of business challenges that will be vital to them as they progress out of academia. 

I’ve also had the opportunity to speak to university students as a guest speaker and many other exciting opportunities along the way.

My point is this – what I’m doing fits with my own goals and energy. That’s why I respond so well to it. That’s why I give more. That’s what everyone should be aiming for.

If I found myself in the jobs market again now that I know this – I can use this information to look for jobs that may well be outside of my professional experience, but that I know I could achieve highly in due to it being within the bounds of my WHY.

And it’s also why I wrote this. It’s been a very personal experience to write, and it’s still abbreviated so you don’t get too bored – but I hope that it inspires even just ONE person to go and find their own WHY. 

To understand why it’s important to them to know their own WHY, and to start working towards it.

Because it means the world to me. 

I found it on a cold, grim January morning in 2021. Walking with a head torch on at 6.45am to shift the weight I’d gained over Christmas. Walking with my own thoughts playing through my head. It didn’t take weeks. It didn’t even take days. It just took inspiration.