Finding the mind — heart sweet spot

Simple becomes profound sometimes, and the most obvious can present itself as a precious pearl of wisdom.

Maybe these moments of understanding and lucidity happen all the time — at the same time even.

Maybe they’re all around us and we just need to open our eyes to see.

Maybe we need triggers to help us remember.

Truly memorable experiences

Not so long ago I developed a series of courses for up-market resorts based around the concept of Creating Truly Memorable Experiences (CTME.)

It was very customer centric; it was focused on care, creativity, spirituality and empathy.

It was focused on love.

When these elements were understood correctly, something magical seemed to happen and the resort’s customer experience levels went through the roof.

Guests didn’t understand how the resort’s staff just seemed to ‘know’ when it was the right time to do or say something that made their stay that little bit extra special.

To be honest, I don’t think we totally understood it either; it just seemed to work somehow. It was rewarding and it was fun.

Love was the driving force as far as I was concerned. The most powerful force in all of the universes, I used to say. Nothing else mattered and life was good. I just wished more people had the same mindset.

The more people thinking love could change the world, the better. It was all I could think about.

Mindset was my buzzword. It was my distraction. I didn’t know it at the time but I was moving into Ego-Land.

Friends got bored.

Changing mindsets

Before too long I developed a series of classes based around motivational mindset. There were a lot of aspects to this but very simply I was focused on the idea that life was an inside to outside experience you could manifest and manipulate.

This in turn, was controlled by a set of beliefs — created by your mindset — so first defining and then consistently reinforcing those beliefs was key.

The idea made a lot of sense, to me as well as those in my training programmes. We all uncovered some home truths about who we perceived we were and worked on ways to become better, more successful people.

We believed we could create realities. We started to become accountable for the choices we were making and stopped being ‘poor me’ victims.

By simply thinking we were successful we were.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!

We looked back at what had been slowing us down and we learned to work with both our strengths and our weaknesses.

The 80/20 Principle meant we could slow down some, because we discovered most things didn’t make any difference when it came to actually achieving our objectives. They were distractions from our primary focus.

And in that sense, less was certainly more.

We needed to remove our limiting beliefs and change negative thoughts into positive actions. Henry Ford’s immortal words that “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!” were framed and hung on the wall. Thanks Henry.

Conscious learning became a daily experience. We were moving from being unconsciously incompetent to becoming unconsciously competent.

Consider that for a second.

Your first experiences doing something new, like learning to drive a car for example, are done with unconscious incompetence — you don’t know how to drive a car yet and you’re not very good at it. Obviously.

But the more you practice the better you get. You become conscious of this progress to the point you become just about competent enough to take your test. You do. You pass!

After a few years of doing the school run and office commute though, you start to run on autopilot. Your driving skills are at such a level you’re not even thinking about changing gear and checking your mirrors anymore. You’re just doing it naturally. It’s second nature.

You’re doing it unconsciously. You’re unconsciously competent.

Looking at the greater good

I was also keen to share the idea that business (it didn’t really matter what business) was all about helping people; contributing to a greater good, a cause much bigger than ourselves.

Central to this was the idea that first we did good … then we did well. It was all about doing the right thing, even if it meant taking a hit for the team.

I would write the word ‘believe’ on the whiteboard and break it into two; ‘Be’ and ‘Live.’ We had to ‘be-living’ all of these aspects of mindset for them to have the greatest impact.

It had to be something we were, something we be, something we did all the time.

It wasn’t an idea that could be switched on and off depending on what mood we were in and how we were feeling. It had to be unconscious and competent and loving.

My days were filled with finding motivational examples of things to support these ideas of mindset.

I watched videos, dived into books, took notes on podcasts, engaged in chat rooms.

It even went as far as to incorporate the idea of doing business with like-minded souls into my own company’s ethos.

As far as I was concerned I was doing everything possible to ‘be-living’ what I was preaching about mindset. I admit, I was preaching.

Friends were still bored. 

It’s the heart that makes the biggest difference. It does the greatest good. 

Then something changed. It resulted in a subtle difference of perception but ended up having a profound impact.

It was my trigger.

“Maybe it’s not the mind, but the heart,” said one old friend. “Because it’s the heart that makes the biggest difference. It does the greatest good. You get that?”

It was late and I looked surprised at the depth of the premise.

“But doesn’t the mind control the heart?” I replied. “I mean, what you think is what you say is what you do, right? It’s all about thinking even if I don’t know exactly how we do that.”

Old Friend looked at me with sympathy and spoke with patience in his voice.

“Our ego-conditioning would have us believe that’s true. Being in control feeds it. It protects it. But it’s only one side of who we are. Don’t forget we live in opposite world. Truth is, it’s the heart and its emotions that shape your thoughts and perceptions. The real important driver here is the heart. The heart is the real you. It’s the heart that’s key.”

I just stood there, eyes wide shut. No words.

“Change mindset to heartset. Change mindful to heartful,” said Old Friend. “See how that makes a difference to you (and your ego) and the people in your courses.”

I thought about that for a while. Actually, it was more than a while — I’m still thinking about it today!

Ego-conditioning? Mindset to heartset? Mindful to heartful? How does that work? Does it really make a difference?

Let’s work backwards

Does it make a difference? Yes! I believe it does.

How does it work?

Well, maybe it works because it’s the mind that thinks and the heart that feels. Which comes first? Does it even matter?

I got to thinking that we don’t need to really ‘believe’ or ‘be-living’ something to have the same mindset as someone else. It helps for sure, but it’s not a deal breaker.

Mindset is great (and super effective) if everyone thinks the same thing. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re believing the same things, or doing things for the same reasons or with the same impact. There can be many variations around that.

Live to Ride. Ride to Live.

I love to ride Harley Davidsons for example, and a brother and sisterhood of like-minded souls who also love to ride, connect with me and I with them.

We tend to wear the same ‘uniform’ of dark sunglasses (even in the rain), black T-shirts, blue jeans and heavy boots. We’re from different walks of life, all of which are left in the parking lot when we ride into the sunset.

We live to ride and ride to live. But we’re not all nice folk.

Most of us are but some of us aren’t exactly the sorts of people you want to introduce to your mum on a Sunday afternoon.

Same minds, different hearts.

Heartset is how we feel, not so much how we think. It’s more of an intuitive sense of being and of doing what’s subconsciously and emotionally right for you and the people around you.

It somehow connects what some would call ‘soul’ with what others would call ‘body.’

Here’s the twist; feelings are often associated with guts and sometimes these can get twisted and be terribly wrong.

Even if they are, they shouldn’t be ignored however, just as we shouldn’t dismiss the logical and analytical mind that tells us no matter how much we love riding bikes it might not be such a good idea to go for a midnight spin to the wrong side of town with a bunch of heavy guys carrying machetes looking to settle an old score.

It seems balance is the key

I’m blessed to live in Bali. I’m surrounded by a culture that accepts the idea of balance and addresses it on a daily basis, through ceremonies, offerings and a deep sense of peace that’s difficult to grasp and totally wonderful to experience.

If there was ever anywhere in the world that personifies balance, it’s Bali.

The people who live here believe in something called Tat Twam Asi. Roughly translated this means ‘I am you and you are me.’ It’s like do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

That should sound vaguely familiar and I hope quite comforting.

Imagine what it would be like if someone just punched you in the throat for no reason. In First Class no less. I mean you wouldn’t ever even think of doing that, so it makes no sense that someone you don’t know and never met before would. Or does it? Life goes on.

Checkered sarongs are a common sight in Bali. They’re used to dress shrines and for devotees to wear for temple ceremonies. They represent life.

There is good (often depicted by white squares) and bad (often depicted by black.) After all, you can’t have one without the other.

But the Balinese also believe in 50-shades of gray (excuse the pun) because nobody’s completely perfect and not everyone’s a totally evil bastard either.

They believe most of us live our daily lives playing in those gray shadows between the good and the bad. We juggle.

We are the universe experiencing itself

In the same way, I believe we need to learn how to comfortably juggle mind and heart to live balanced lives.

If we accept that the universe is experiencing itself, then awareness of mind and heart, is in itself, awareness.

Being aware of the world around us (the mind) is tempered by being aware of self (the heart) just as being mindful about our feelings is balanced by being heartful about our thoughts.

I don’t pretend to know the answers. I’m glad I don’t. And to be honest, the more I explore and learn, the less I seem to know. I guess the universe is humorous after all.

But I love to engage in conversations around subjects that make me think as much as they make me feel. The more I do, the more convinced I become that the place to find better understanding and awareness is within each one of us.

For some this is a truly scary place to go looking. Ego doesn’t like to be recognized for what it is so it creates fear, which in turn builds walls, excuses and prejudice.

Maybe it would be easier if we just learn to breathe consciously and control our ego-chatter by simply being aware and recognizing it for what it really is — distracting ego-chatter.

Sounds simple because it is. Rocket science it ain’t.

Maybe deep down we already know this.

Maybe finding that balance between hearts and minds is waiting to be re-discovered.

Maybe we just need triggers to help us choose to remember.

My first work of fiction, Powers That Be, is a journey of self-discovery. It’s an adventure of consciousness set in Bali and attempts to combine spiritual messages with the odd conspiracy and a touch of the dark side of the human condition. Having moments of lucidity without being distracted however is often much easier said than done and in this respect, Powers That Be is an insight into my own struggles and conflicts on my path of conscious evolution.

 I also write for Seven Stones Indonesia and Gapura Bali.