Finding the "Middle Way" by using Both/And approach: Balancing Happiness and Contentment in a Materialistic World

In my journey of adapting my 4H-SWELL (STATES OF WELLNESS)? Leadership Well-Being Model to meet the needs of women leaders, I recently stumbled upon an enlightening article titled "Contentment and Self?acceptance: Wellbeing Beyond Happiness" by Dr. Cordaro and the team. The article opened with a profound quote from Siddhartha Gautama, also known as Buddha, stating, “Health is the greatest gift; contentment is the greatest wealth.” As a Buddhist practitioner myself, I deeply resonated with the article’s mission to highlight contentment as a cornerstone of well-being.

However, in our modern, materialistic culture, I've come to realize that advocating solely for contentment is challenging. In Western societies, happiness often revolves around immediate gratifications like indulging in a delicious meal, engaging in intimate relationships, or pursuing fleeting pleasures through activities like shopping, social media, or video games. These experiences are commonly labeled as sources of happiness, yet they are transient and often tied to external validations.

Reflecting on our culture’s emphasis on materialistic pursuits, I recognized the impracticality of altogether eschewing these sources of short-term happiness in favor of perpetual contentment. Instead, I advocate for a middle way. In this balanced approach, individuals strive for contentment in the long term while embracing and managing the transient pleasures that bring moments of happiness.

Striving for Balance by adopting "Middle Way" approach: Integrating Happiness and Contentment for Optimal Well-Being

In our modern pursuit of a fulfilling life, the concepts of happiness and contentment often play central roles. Yet, they represent distinct emotional states with unique impacts on our well-being. This article explores how integrating both happiness and contentment can lead to a more holistic and enduring sense of well-being, drawing on psychological, philosophical, and neuroscientific insights.

Understanding Happiness: The Role of Short-Term Boosts

Intense positive emotions typically characterize happiness and are often triggered by external events or achievements. These moments of joy provide immediate boosts to our mood and motivation, enhancing our overall subjective well-being (Diener & Oishi, 2005). However, the relentless pursuit of happiness can lead to dependencies and anxieties when expectations are not met, perpetuating cycles of suffering (dukkha) as observed in Buddhist teachings.

Benefits of Happiness Bursts:

Short-term bursts of happiness play a crucial role in boosting our well-being. Research indicates that experiencing positive emotions can broaden our perspective, enhance creativity, and build psychological resilience (Fredrickson, 2001). These benefits contribute to overall psychological health and adaptive coping strategies in challenging situations, inspiring us to seek joy in our lives.

Example from Professional Life:

For instance, celebrating a successful project completion with colleagues can foster a sense of camaraderie and accomplishment, boosting team morale and individual satisfaction. Similarly, achieving a personal goal, such as completing a challenging task or receiving recognition for your work, can also lead to a burst of happiness, enhancing your overall well-being.

Example from Personal Life:

Enjoying a leisurely vacation or engaging in a favorite hobby can rejuvenate the spirit and provide a temporary escape from daily stressors. These joyful experiences replenish emotional resources and promote well-being, highlighting the value of occasional happiness bursts in life satisfaction.

Embracing Contentment: The Foundation of Long-Term Well-Being

In contrast to happiness, contentment offers a deeper and more stable form of well-being. It is characterized by a profound sense of satisfaction and acceptance of present circumstances, independent of external achievements or conditions. Cultivating contentment fosters inner peace and resilience, contributing to long-term subjective well-being (Veenhoven, 2008). This understanding can empower us to find satisfaction in our current circumstances.

Example from Professional Life:

Finding contentment in one's current job, despite its imperfections, leads to greater long-term satisfaction. Appreciating aspects such as job security and work-life balance provides a stable foundation, reducing the need to seek external validation or the "perfect" career constantly.

Example from Personal Life:

Cultivating contentment in relationships involves appreciating everyday moments of connection and support. Embracing the ordinary aspects of life with gratitude strengthens emotional bonds and enhances overall relationship satisfaction.

Equanimity in Buddhist Teachings: Finding Balance and Inner Peace

Buddhist philosophy emphasizes the importance of equanimity (upekkha) as a balanced approach to emotions and life circumstances. It encourages maintaining mental composure amidst both favorable and challenging situations, avoiding extremes of pleasure and pain. This practice of equanimity supports sustainable well-being by promoting inner tranquility and reducing emotional volatility (Davidson et al., 2003).

Example from Professional Life:

Practicing equanimity at work involves staying calm and focused during stressful projects or receiving constructive criticism. This balanced approach enhances resilience and minimizes the emotional rollercoaster often associated with professional challenges.

Example from Personal Life:

In personal relationships, embracing equanimity means accepting the natural ebbs and flows of emotions without clinging to moments of joy or being overwhelmed by periods of conflict. This acceptance fosters deeper emotional connections and strengthens relationship stability.

Neuroscientific Insights: Unraveling the Brain Mechanisms of Happiness and Contentment

Neuroscientific research provides valuable insights into the distinct neural processes underlying happiness and contentment. Happiness is associated with the activation of brain regions involved in reward processing, such as the nucleus accumbens and ventral striatum (Kringelbach & Berridge, 2009). These areas respond to pleasurable stimuli and are responsible for the immediate feelings of joy and satisfaction experienced during happy moments.

In contrast, contentment involves the activation of brain regions associated with emotional regulation and cognitive control, such as the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex. These regions contribute to maintaining a balanced emotional state and supporting long-term emotional stability and resilience (Davidson, 2004).

Neuroscientific Implications:

While happiness provides immediate rewards and mood boosts, contentment engages deeper cognitive processes that promote sustained well-being. Understanding these neuroscientific foundations helps elucidate why contentment contributes to greater overall life satisfaction and resilience compared to fleeting moments of happiness.

Conclusion: Integrating Happiness and Contentment for Holistic Well-Being

Achieving optimal subjective well-being requires a balanced integration of both happiness and contentment into daily life. While happiness offers immediate gratification and motivation, contentment provides a stable foundation of inner peace and satisfaction. Embracing both aspects allows for a more harmonious emotional landscape that enhances resilience, reduces stress, and promotes overall life satisfaction.

By cultivating mindfulness, gratitude, and emotional regulation, individuals can foster a balanced emotional state that supports their well-being across professional and personal domains. This integrated approach encourages a healthier and more fulfilling existence, where inner peace coexists with the pursuit of meaningful goals and experiences.

MY TWO STRATEGIES FOR INCREASING QUALITY OF LIFE BY USING BOTH/AND RATHER THAN EITHER/OR APPROACH

While working in my private psychiatric practice, with patients with alcohol and cocaine use disorders, often described in lay terms as being dependent, I noticed that the main reasons for relapsing into unhealthy behavior were the level or intensity of cravings. These cravings often involved thinking about the pleasurable aspects of substance intake and contextual factors, such as being with friends while using the substance. Long-term recollection of "what it was like to drink or to inhale cocaine" also played a significant role.

To address these challenges, I have developed strategies that aim to increase the quality of life by balancing happiness and contentment. These strategies can be beneficial not only for individuals struggling with addiction but for anyone seeking to lead a more fulfilling life.

1. Increasing the Duration of Contentment

By prolonging the state of contentment with practices that cultivate contentment, such as mindfulness and self-and other-compassion meditation, yoga, chi gong, gratitude practices, and journaling for self-reflection, we can decrease craving levels, meaning the time spent on "happiness daydreaming" (thinking about past and future opportunities to re-experience moments of happiness).

2. Fostering Mindfulness and Self-Awareness of States of Happiness

Increasing mindfulness and self-awareness during moments of happiness enables individuals to savor the "present moment happiness better." It eventually enhances our ability to enjoy moments of happiness in a less "compulsive" way, thus allowing us to have more fulfilling and satisfying inner happiness experiences.

Practical Takeaways for Boosting Everyday Happiness and Cultivating Contentment

1. Mindful Moments: Incorporate mindfulness practices into daily routines to cultivate present-moment awareness and reduce stress. Pause to appreciate simple pleasures like a warm cup of tea or a walk in nature.

2. Gratitude Journaling: Start a gratitude journal to reflect on regularly and appreciate three things you're grateful for each day. This practice enhances positive emotions and fosters a sense of contentment.

3. Engage in Acts of Kindness: Perform random acts of kindness, such as helping a colleague with a task or offering support to a friend in need. Acts of kindness promote feelings of connection and boost happiness.

4. Savor Positive Experiences: Take time to savor enjoyable moments, whether it's relishing a delicious meal, enjoying a favorite hobby, or celebrating achievements. Mindfully savoring experiences enhances happiness and satisfaction.

5. Practice Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to cultivate a positive mindset and boost self-esteem. Repeat affirmations that resonate with you, such as "I am capable and deserving of happiness."

6. Embrace Physical Activity: Engage in regular physical activity that you enjoy, such as yoga, dancing, or jogging. Exercise releases endorphins and boosts mood, contributing to overall well-being.

7. Connect with Loved Ones: Nurture meaningful relationships by spending quality time with loved ones. Schedule regular gatherings, phone calls, or video chats to maintain social connections and foster happiness.

8. Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to maintain motivation and celebrate progress along the way.

9. Prioritize Self-Care: Practice self-care rituals that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as adequate sleep, nutritious meals, and relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises.

10. Learn and Grow: Engage in lifelong learning and personal development activities that stimulate your mind and passions. Pursue hobbies, attend workshops, or read books that inspire and enrich your life.

11. Unplug and Recharge: Take regular breaks from screens and digital devices to reduce stress and promote mindfulness. Disconnecting allows for mental recharge and fosters a sense of inner calm.

12. Practice Gracious Acceptance: Cultivate acceptance of life's inevitable challenges and setbacks. Approach difficulties with resilience and a growth mindset, seeking opportunities for learning and personal growth.

13. Express Gratitude: Express appreciation to others through heartfelt gestures, thank-you notes, or acts of reciprocity. Gratitude strengthens relationships and enhances feelings of contentment.

14. Create a Sanctuary: Designate a peaceful space in your home or workplace where you can retreat for moments of solitude and reflection. Personalize this space with comforting elements that promote relaxation.

15. Laugh and Find Joy: Seek out opportunities for laughter and humor in daily life. Watch a funny movie, share jokes with friends, or engage in playful activities that lift your spirits and boost happiness.

16. Reflect on Achievements: With pride and gratitude, reflect on your personal and professional accomplishments. Acknowledge your strengths and resilience in overcoming challenges, fostering a sense of fulfillment.

17. Practice Forgiveness: Release negative emotions by practicing forgiveness toward yourself and others. Letting go of resentment and grudges promotes emotional healing and enhances inner peace.

18. Connect with Nature: Spend time outdoors in natural settings to recharge and reconnect with the world around you. Engage in activities like hiking, gardening, or simply enjoying a scenic view.

19. Volunteer and Give Back: Contribute to your community through volunteer work or charitable activities. Giving back fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment, enhancing overall life satisfaction.

20. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories and milestones in your journey. Recognize your progress and achievements, no matter how minor, to boost motivation and self-confidence.

References

Pavlovic, Z.M. (2011). Lamotrigine Reduces Craving and Depressive Symptoms in Cocaine Dependence. The Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences. 23. E32.

Pavlovic, Z. M. (2010). Long-Term Treatment and Relapse Prevention of Alcohol and Benzodiazepine Dependence with Lamotrigine. The Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 22(2), 247.

Dehghan M, Malakoutikhah A, Kazemy H, Fattahi Toqroljerdi MH, Mokhtarabadi S, Zakeri MA. (2023). The relationship between beliefs in substance craving and quality of life among narcotics anonymous: a cross-sectional study in southeastern Iran. BMC Psychology. 20;11(1):126.

Kharb R, Shekhawat LS, Beniwal RP, Bhatia T, Deshpande SN. (2018). Relationship between Craving and Early Relapse in Alcohol Dependence: A Short-Term Follow-up Study. Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine.40(4):315-321

Why we crave: The neuroscientific picture of addiction overlooks the psychological and social factors that make cravings so hard to resist https://aeon.co/essays/why-the-pull-of-addictive-cravings-is-so-hard-to-resist.

Pavlovic, Z.M. (2024). The Noble Path Of Leadership: Buddhist Insights For Holistic Leadership Part 1 – The Transformative Power Of The Four Immeasurables. BRAINZ Magazine

Cordaro, D.T., Bai, Y., Bradley, C.M. et al (2024). Contentment and Self-acceptance: Wellbeing Beyond Happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies 25,15.

Davidson, R. J. (2004). Well-being and affective style: Neural substrates and biobehavioral correlates. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological Sciences, 359(1449), 1395-1411.

Davidson, R. J., Kabat-Zinn, J., Schumacher, J., Rosenkranz, M., Muller, D., Santorelli, S. F., et al. (2003). Alterations in brain and immune function produced by mindfulness meditation. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65(4), 564-570.

Diener, E., & Oishi, S. (2005). The nonobvious social psychology of happiness. Psychological Inquiry, 16(4), 162-167.

Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218-226.

Kringelbach, M. L., & Berridge, K. C. (2009). Towards a functional neuroanatomy of pleasure and happiness. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 13(11), 479-487.

Veenhoven, R. (2008). Sociological theories of subjective well-being. In M. Eid & R. J. Larsen (Eds.), The science of subjective well-being (pp. 44-61). The Guilford Press.

My Short Bio

ICF Certified ACC Coach

Certified Executive Coach by the Henley Centre for Coaching Henley Business School

Fellow Institute of Coaching McLean Affiliate of Harvard Medical School

Columnist for the Clinical Researcher Official Journal of the Association of Clinical Research Professionals (ACRP)

Executive Contributor BRAINZ Magazine (by invitation only)

Former Member of Forbes Coaches Council (by invitation only)