Finding and making meaning

It takes sometime 4.5 months to come around an idea!

The idea that the lockdown is working for me far better than what used to be earlier! Even though I hugely miss the light-hearted banter and laughing and smiling around when meeting people, I think I will look back on this year as one which catapulted me into doing things that I had been avoiding for years inspite of having interest. 

In the rush to reach office, finishing chores at home and then having to spend mandatorily nine hours at work I was left with hardly any energy by the end of the day to do or even think about doing anything more.

I had brought in quite a few plants when I moved in this house last year, but in between some of those got infected and then most of them eventually died. Now with time at hand and no rush to go anywhere, the first thing that I do after getting up is tending to my plants, looking closely at every leaf, checking soil, shifting them here and there so that they get some Sunlight. Sometimes I just keep staring at those sprouts with brush in my mouth and silently praying that they grow. In the process, what I have also realised is it’s not just water and sunlight that plants need, they need a lot of love and attention too! I hope my garden grows and blossoms. I started reading also quite a bit about how to care for plants and came across the term “re-potting shock”. This resonated with me on so many levels and I wondered if the essence of who we are is just the same in all of us, we have a lot of fancy terms to define how we accept change but to put it simply, most of us go through repotting shock and if we are resilient enough and taken care of, we take to the new soil and new environment! 

I also picked up so many interesting books in the last few months on Enneagram (Thanks to Santhosh for introducing me to this) and healing, that my world view has altered quite a bit after that. Instead of looking at someone with judgement, I am able to look at them as someone who is battling pain in their own unique ways. I read a statement somewhere that a lot of held up anger and resentment will dissolve away if we come to terms with the fact that we are victims of victims themselves. To be able to look at life and stream of thoughts and realising that they are just choices available to me, and I pick what I like and let go of the rest is something that came about because of this immense space that is suddenly available to me and am still figuring things out but it surely seems like journey from doing to being.

One of the biggest shifts that i made because of this lockdown is i started daily practice of exercise, yoga and meditation after dilly-dallying for so long. And doing it persistently, now for the last two months. Thanks to my ex-colleague who kept persuading me to join her 4-day course, which I finally did because I wasn’t able to take the headaches anymore. I thought there is no harm in trying once and what it did for me was to put me in a routine which I have now found to be very beneficial, specially, when the need to maintain sanity and immunity both are high.  

One of the most exciting journeys that am looking forward to now is learning Kathak virtually. I held this wish in my heart for so long, I carried ghungroos also with me for so many years. Did join classes a couple of times and then left them, sometimes due to some constraint, sometimes due to my own inertia. When I finally chanced upon this option again, it was too tempting an opportunity to let go of. Thanks to my good old friend who connected me to the teacher. I never really thought I could learn something like Kathak virtually. And now I do intend to put my heart and soul into it. They say when your heart jumps up when you hear something, that’s how you know you got to do it. I guess you also need time to listen to your heart and not submerge that little beat in ifs and buts and popular opinions. 

We have lost a lot in 2020, and there is nothing that could compensate for that but who says you can’t give your very own meaning to the events that occur. I have read this statement by Victor Frankl so many times now but finally it makes sense to me today.

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness." 

I learnt three real things in the last four months

1)   It is important to move into body from mind to get a better grip of things and to be more mindful.

2)   It is important to say yes to events that occur to us and making it a habit of believing that things will unfold for our own good and if they don’t, we will have enough strength to bounce back. 

3)   It is equally important to connect and keep sharing with others, our thoughts, feelings and perspectives. We have no way of knowing how a passing conversation or remark can lead to a breakthrough, an opportunity or a major wish fulfilment. 

Do share what you have learnt!