Finding hope in our connections in life #2

Did you know that loneliness is not about being alone. It's all about your relationships and how you handle your expectation. You can be surrounded by 20 workmates and feel so alone. You feel out of place. Like no one understands you. This also can happen in your marriage or even in unhealthy friendships. One interesting fact is the highest number of people who feel lonely are not the elderly. Adults between the ages of 18- 29 are number one. Why is that? Leaving for college is one aspect and social comparison is another. She or he is smarter than I am, has more friends, better looking. It is a brutal time in many young adult's lives. Are you feeling lonely? Here are a few questions to ask yourself. The stronger you feel about your reaction, the clearer your insight will be on the subject.

How often do you feel unhappy doing things alone?

How often do you feel you have no one to talk to?

How often do you find yourself waiting for people to call you?

How often do you feel starved for company?

How often do you feel shut out or excluded by others?

A whopping 78% of people distract their feeling of loneliness by watching TV, playing video games or being on the computer.

What is the answer?

Plain and simple it starts with YOURSELF. We are a work in progress, and it will never stop until our life ends. To tell you the truth, I love being by myself. To me it is freeing. Being on my own timetable, going places when I feel like it and exploring my world that fits my alignment with my core inner needs. Mind you, I enjoy having people around me to share in the fun times, but too much of a good thing, turns ugly. Ask yourself this. What would your perfect day look like? What do you need to make yourself happy? A loving mate, being super busy, being popular on Facebook? The key is to discover what truly is right for you. Some people actually have to learn to be happy.

Give yourself a break.

We are so eager to pay a compliment to a good friend or even a stranger. When was the last time you practiced self-compassion. Loving and comforting thoughts only directed to YOU. Supporting ourselves is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. It leads to handling stresses better. Talk to yourself saying, Anne, it is OK to make a mistake. I will do a better job next time. It's kind of like rewiring your brain. It takes awareness and practice. As you master this concept of self-loving language it gives you the foundation to handle those lonely times. I require all my clients to journal. Writing is a powerful healing tool, for good self-esteem, overcoming grief and understanding anger. Mirror work is important also. Every morning, I look in the mirror and try to say positive things about myself. At first, I felt odd. We are taught at an early age not to act conceited, but this is different. You can start by gently looking at yourself and saying, I am so lucky to be alive. I made a good decision yesterday. I am strong, I have a voice, I am worth being and feeling loved. When I go to bed, I quietly pull out my gratitude thoughts. It keeps me balanced, calmer and pulls out nasty thoughts that limit me from achieving all that I want to be. Exercise is also important. Just going for a walk with a friend, neighbor or by yourself. It refreshes you. Hate exercising, then do it only once a week. Start with something that gets you away from your ordinary environment.

Limiting or freeing. You decide.

I never skipped out on school or work. I was too chicken to do it, but several people I know did. It was their first step in loving themselves. Yes, they got into trouble, but for them it was worth it. They took off on an adventure. An adventure that gave them a taste of what was calling in their soul. There wasn't one thing they regretted or didn't feel natural to them. I used to envy them for having the guts to go out on their own, even for one day. What happens when you get older, and you meet someone who pulls you in a direction you really don't want to go? We do it for love. Really? Deep down inside we know it isn't right, but we take the risk. Why? Well for the most part, we want to please the person, or we don't want to be alone. A lot of people do this in their 20's. We haven't established strong roots yet, and our careers haven't hit that higher salary level. It takes maturity to ask questions of our partners and ourselves when in your heart, you understand this was the wrong move to make. It's time to bust out of your pleasing phase, even if it means you might be alone or hurt someone's feelings. That is called personal growth.

Picture this.

You are sitting in your car. You just broke free of a situation that was basically killing you inside. You feel heartbroken, happy, and uncertain. You put the car in drive and take off. What comes next.? This is your time to shine but you might need some help to make that happen. I am a big advocate of getting therapy. Pick a therapist that you truly feel comfortable with and will challenge your beliefs about many things in life. Change your attitude at work. If you are the boss, start by praising your workers for a job well done. Be nice to them and start listening more. Great leadership was born from these traits. Here comes one of the most effective ways to not feel lonely. Tell YOUR story. Tell your story through public speaking, teaching a class or in your support group. It is the most powerful way to grab someone's attention and make you and themselves feel like they are part of the process towards healing. Trust me you will never feel lonely after expressing your story in the right environment. Remember, the world is filled with so many people we will meet but never truly know. Lighten their load with your stories. You never know how your impact on others will help spread kindness and compassion onto others.