Finding hope in a f*cked up reality

My wounds appear randomly, with a life of their own, some like waves, others are a f*cking tsunami, that defy all reason, rationale, counselling, hypnosis, medication, meditation, standing on your head, tree hugging, or any other method known to mankind, to try and mend our broken bits.

Because here’s the thing, we are not broken, there is nothing to mend. We are simply human beings, having a human experience and that means we get hurt, we f*ck up, we hurt others and we develop wounds, lots of them, just like the circles on a tree that tell you how long that tree has been alive.

And the point of being human is not to avoid the shitty stuff, but to face it, head on with courage, fear and a deep knowing, from the depths of our soul, that somehow, we will get through it.

Because that is the essence of the human experience – you want to know joy, then get intimate with sadness, you want to know love, then take a look at hate, you want to belong, then get used to being an outcast, you want to feel safe, then understand fear, you want to understand mortality, the point of life, what living really means, then watch someone you love die, knowing there is f*ck all you can do about it.

Life can be sh*tty and the irony is that without her harsh lessons, that will often bring you to your knees, you will be unable to truly recognise or experience the real beauty that life brings in-between the shitty bits.

If everything was ok all of the time, nothing would ever be ok. If you were extraordinary all of the time, you would never actually be extraordinary at all. If life were simply a straight line, with no ups and downs, you would simply die of boredom, having added f*ck all to this world and eventually we would all just die, because whilst the world around us would progress, evolve and adapt, we would wither, regress and end up being eaten by some sabre tooth tiger, with really bad breath, as we would be to lazy to actually off our arses and run away to safety.

So, the good news is, the sh*t you go through in life has a point to it. And that point is not to label you as broken, crazy, weak, biologically inadequate or difficult. The point is to stop pretending we all live in some pink, sparkly reality and face the god damn f*cking truth.

Sh*t happens, life is unfair, people can be twats (including ourselves), everyone we love will die at some point, nothing is fixed and there is only one certainty and that is death. Once we can get our head around that, life becomes a whole lot easier. It becomes easier because we are no longer shocked when all of this crap comes our way, we can talk about it, we can reach out to others who have trodden the path ahead of us, to hold our hands as we navigate our own way through, we can love ourselves even when we are twats, take responsibility for our actions, do something about them and forgive ourselves, Hiding parts of ourselves, allowing shame to fester and poison our soul, using our energy to change the unchangeable, distracting ourselves from our true reality, will simply kill us from the inside out.

We have to change and the world has to change. And everyone of us has the power to be that change, because there sure as hell is not a knight in shining armour on their way to do it for us.

And that change starts today, as you read these words and as you look at your world. Stop buying into the bullsh*t optical illusion of a reality based on distraction. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop listening to the judgement and expectations of lives less lived. Trust yourself, find the silence, listen to your soul, invite the fear in but do not allow it a voice, but most of all, own your story and own yourself – every single beautiful, ugly, joyous and shameful part of you. Because once you can do this, no one can harm, reject or define you. You become whole in your own right and it is then and only then that you can be the change this world needs.

The change starts with you and it ends with you. Every single one of us has our own path to walk, sometimes alone and sometimes not.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me”.

Life is the valley of death, some will believe it is God that holds their hand, for others such as myself, it is my soul that holds my hand, my belief in myself and within that valley, whilst fear may walk alongside me, it does not get to lead or divert me – it only serves to remind me that fear will shackle, not liberate me.

So, I feel the fear and do it anyway. I face my truth. I share my truth. I learn from my truth. And in doing so, I hope to help others to do so to. To enable us all to become whole, to be the change, to create a reality based on love, compassion and hope.

All that I share - my stories which are chaotic, raw, unfiltered, honest, uncomfortable, heart-wrenching, joyous, but most of all, full of love and life, are simply a re-iteration to myself and others, of the lessons I am presented with, what I can learn from them and therefore what I can pass onto others - in the hope that in some small way, they will help us all get through this mad thing called life. .

And when their knocks come, which they will, we may bend, we may fall, but we will not break and we must remember that whilst all things come to pass, hope and love are the foundations which will walk faithfully by our side, for all of time, should we allow them to.

I hope my stories will help you love yourself, warts and all and be the change we are all waiting for.

With love

Nik x

A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh?t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I'm a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website www.nikdavis.com.

My alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found at www.lillyisabella.co.uk.

I love people, I love life and I love to talk, so please feel free to reach out and let's have a conversation.