Finding Funny in Your Fear? Yes and, You'll Also Find Self-Compassion

"What would you do if you were less afraid?"

"How much life and joy does fear rob you of?"

I have been asked these questions so many times and most recently by a comedian friend who pushes me a lot. Good. We need those friends. Keep them - they push you to be better. I am sure you've been asked these or asked yourself. You should. Good mental housekeeping!

I realized how much fear there is when facing new things. If you feel this way, I feel it, too. You are not alone. I face fear with new stuff, too. Usually I jump. Not saying without fear.

New things are scary. Change is scary. Fearless is like certain shades of blonde in my world - they doesn't exist! Ha! We can fear less.

I think this is where the adage, "follow the fear" is sage advice. The thing we're most afraid of - that's probably the thing we need to do to grow. What do we do with that fear, though? So you've followed it? Then what? "The cave we're afraid to enter holds the treasure we seek," according to Joseph Campbell.

Yes, and...then what? A staring contest with fear? A game of chicken? How do we wrestle with real fear in a fun way that doesn't feel like we're also denying that reality?

I think we own it. We lean into it and laugh at the human stuff. Everyone has fear. So why do we deny it?

It's as human as anything else - sadness, joy, pain, laughter.

Find the Funny in the Thing We're Afraid to Do / Say / Change

One of the biggest things in my life that I've discovered is that when I am afraid, that fear is bigger than I am until I 'yes and' it, accept it for what it is, and yes, find funny in it.

Find funny? What, Kathy?

Change is hard because of fear. It's real. It's what keeps us stuck. It's what keeps us from moving forward with the truth. The truth is hard to face. What if we could laugh at that very reality?

We can.

Humans are funny. We do and say funny things. And we all have that giant-ass "Truth Gap" - that gap between what we say and what we do; the gap between what we want and where we are. Here's the thing. It's flawed just as we are and filled with funny things that are so human - it's where comedy lives!

• That novel you want to write? Sitting watching NetFlix is fun and it's not getting us to our goal
• Wanting to date more? Swiping away potential matches on Tindr and complaining to our friends isn't getting us closer to finding a mate.
• Working on that 'project' for 10 years and can never seem to finish it?
• Knowing too much sugar is bad for us and keeping a drawer of secret donuts and candy (I am just saying...I am saying for a friend! Ha!)
• This is a big one....being engaged for YEARS with no engagement date? Um yeah! This one is a funny bit with comedian friends. We all view it differently and yes, we all laugh.
• Getting in shape? Well, wearing sweatpants and headbands and making Insta reels is fun; and it's not exercise! It's an exercise in avoidance!

Humans do funny things and say funny things. We're flawed flesh-bags who most of the time want to do the right things and sometimes our best intentions go one way and our actions go another. We're not bad people. We're just human.

Time to lighten up. And if we cut ourselves more slack, how much more empathetic would we be towards others?

The Truth Gaps - Ouch, Eww, Yuck, Say What?!

One way to go into the cave is to look at your fears and your truth gaps - the gap between where you are and where you want to be - with compassion, self-love and tons of humor. Find the funny. You are not alone. If you are procrastinating; others are too.

Beating yourself up doesn't work. Guilt doesn't work. Shame doesn't work. Finding the funny and humanity in our truth lessens the fear. Have you ever been scared and then found something funny and you couldn't help but laugh? Exactly. In that moment, our brain is less scared. Humor is oxytocin and we're brought back to our own humanity.

Next time you're afraid of something, ask yourself..

• What is the truth gap for me on this?
• What's human and funny that I can use to find self-compassion (me saying I am cutting back on social media and then I can't get off Facebook.....Where is "get the hell out of my FaceBook? I need that platform!"
• How does laughing at it lessen that fear?
• What compassionate steps can I take for myself now that I am seeing it in a new light that doesn't beat myself up?

We talk a lot about empathy. It starts at home, towards ourselves. Self-compassion is empathy turned inwards. Once we do that for us, it's much easier to give that to others.

Next time you're faced with fear, I challenge you to find the funny human stuff in it. I promise you it's there.

We all have junk drawers - small ones or big ones. We all have psychological junk in that trunk! And by accepting it (yes!) and adding on (laughing and sharing it), you lessen that fear.

What's in your junk drawer that makes you laugh compassionately at yourself?

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I am on a mission to help people unlock their natural humor and inner improviser for their own transformation. Humor is bigger than you think!

An ex-tech marketing / communications exec who led teams for 16 years and an improviser and stand-up comedian for over 24 years, today I use improvisation and stand-up comedy techniques to transform leaders into impactful human communicators who show up, speak up, and story tell playfully and powerfully so they can change their worlds (via my Brave Bold Story and Comedy bootcamps). I am a keynote speaker, Founder of Keeping it Human? and Author of "Stop Boring Me!" I still perform and teach stand-up comedy and improv. My 13 yro used to laugh at my jokes. Now I just knock on his bedroom door, throw red meat in, and run!

From Silicon Valley / Stanford to Second City and Stages beyond - I (and you) have a story to tell and humor is human AF.