Finding Flow in Your Business (& Your Life)

What do you think of when I say “Flow”?

“Go with the flow” is probably the most common quote or saying that comes to mind. But what does that really mean? What do they mean by flow? Is it possible to really just go in the direction your life is flowing? Even if that’s possible, should you?

You might be a person who thinks going with the flow is, well, just a little lazy.

Maybe the idea sets you on edge a bit.

Maybe your mind starts asking questions like “What about focusing on goals?” or “What about aiming for the moon and at least landing in the stars” or “You can’t just float along and let life take you wherever”.

It can almost feel like, at best, you’d end up not fulfilling your life’s purpose or worse, being a bum on the street. There a fear underlying the words “Go with the flow” for a lot of us. In fact, that fear that I felt is exactly why I chose the word “flow” for my word this year. I wanted to find out what was underneath that fear and to find out—what did “flow” really mean for me–my life, my happiness, my relationships, and my business. 

Learning about Flow

When I first set out to learn more about flow I found that there are some different interpretations of what flow is, depending on who you talk to. I wanted to find out what it meant for me and why it mattered. 

The Hungarian's Opinion

I wasn’t aware of one concept of flow that was first coined by Hungarian psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Csikszentmihalyi began looking at this idea of happiness throughout history, within the art community, with CEOs he interviewed and in his studies to learn more. He explains his theories in this TED talk which I found fascinating. In this instance he is talking about being so immersed and involved in what you are doing that it is basically a state of ecstasy—you aren’t aware of time passing, the troubles of life, even your own hunger or thirst. Flow, he says, “…is being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz.” Based on this definition and description of flow, have you ever experienced this?

I haven’t experienced this kind of flow very often, but I can think of a few times when this has occurred for me. When I’m writing something important to me—whether it’s a children’s book, an essay, poetry or a blog—I forget about everything else. In fact, if I am forced to move away from my writing when I’m in this state of flow, I can become very frustrated. Even if the activity I’m moving to is one that I normally enjoy.

Another example is when I go to Zumba class and I forget the world outside the room. I have to focus so much on hearing the music and beat and making my body move with the choreography of the dance, that it is impossible for me to worry about anything else. Once there was nothing else to worry about, it was intense, but really fun!

And when I’m playing chess, I’m definitely in this state of flow. Once I moved past the beginner level of chess and was able to think of the moves beyond only the next one, everything else fell away. I found that after a chess game, even though it was very challenging for me, I felt relaxed. Almost as if I had been meditating instead of thinking very hard.

This concept is an interesting one and is something I want to experiment with. I’d like to find more activities in which my concentration is so immersed in what I’m doing that I have no time to worry, feel stress or fear, but instead just live completely in the moment.

The Accept & Surrender Approach

This leads me to the next interpretation of flow–accepting what is in this very moment. Not fighting against reality.

Lao-Tzu said “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

That’s not easy to do—at least not for the majority of us. But when we resist what is, we can’t possibly win. Refusing to accept reality is a very hard way to live. In fact, it could probably drive a normally sane person to the brink of insanity. I’m not saying we should never try to change things. Just recognize what it is that you are capable of changing.

This kind of flow involves acceptance and surrender. Now most people feel fine when you say acceptance. It has a mostly positive connotation. But surrender? Nope. That’s where we draw the line. Surrendering typically has a very negative connotation. It feels like losing. It feels like giving up. It feels like weakness.

Can you try to view surrender in a different way? I like the way George Howard, a young life and relationship coach states simply this:

“We need to surrender ourselves to life and flow with it rather than try to control it and aim it in a straight line. Life isn’t linear, neither will it ever be.”

For me surrender simply means to stop the war I can’t possibly win and wasn’t even put here to fight.

How do I know when I need to accept and surrender? When whatever I am continuing to fight against causes suffering or is hurting me. When I’m trying to fight to control things outside of myself, my life, my actions. When it robs me of the joy of the present moment.

Let me give you a very basic example of what I’m talking about.

Let’s say you have to drive to your job in rush hour traffic every day. Chances are very good that, from time to time, you will have another driver do something—cut you off, go slow in the fast lane, not use their blinker—and you will react. You will have a thought, a feeling about it. If you feel angry, mistreated, or victimized you might try to take some action to express those feelings.

For instance, maybe you honk your horn and yell at the driver. Or use some particular hand gestures to communicate your feelings. Or maybe you glare at them as you drive by. Did it change what happened? No. You attempted to let that other driver know that you didn’t appreciate their actions and they need to go to driving school or get glasses or (fill-in-the-blank with your own ideas!).

How much time does it take, after the other driver is long gone, for you to forget about what happened? How long before you’re back in the present moment, able to enjoy your book on tape, choice of music, or simply the chance to appreciate what is all around you? How much of your day did you just give up because you needed to fight for your rights? How many times a day, or a week or a month does this happen? Do you think you helped or hurt yourself by standing up for your “rights”. Do you think the other driver has now learned their lesson and will never do such a thoughtless thing again?

And even more importantly–what starts the whole problem to begin with? Is it the other driver or is it you trying to control something you can’t possibly control? It’s swimming upstream. It’s the opposite of acceptance and surrender.

Swimming Downstream

A third type of flow is very closely related to acceptance and surrender. It comes when we decide which direction to swim--upstream-against the current- or downstream-with the current. Think of the energy we would need to swim upstream vs swimming downstream. In reality we could probably just float downstream, leaving ourselves plenty of time to enjoy the view going by. To hear the birdsong or the sounds of the water splashing. To feel the sun on our face. To know that, at that moment, all is well. We are okay. Nothing is wrong. The current is carrying us forward. We will arrive when we arrive.

Now picture trying to swim upstream against the current. How does it feel? Very hard…frustrating…stressful. Will we ever get there? What will happen if we don’t? Thoughts of failing, growing too tired to continue begin to fill our minds. Rather than enjoying what’s right in front of us, we’re hell-bent on getting upstream to whatever we imagine is there.

Notice that this is a different kind of striving than what Csikszentmihalyi describes and what I experienced with writing, Zumba and playing chess. In that case, the individual is doing something challenging, yes, but also something highly satisfying, something they enjoy. Something they are capable of doing. That’s different than fighting against what is…trying to change something outside of your control.

So to sum up, in my reading, research and meditation I found different kinds of flow–all different expressions of the same word.

Three Types of Flow

• The first is a flow of being completely immersed in the moment—whether it’s a physical activity, a challenging mental activity or simply pursuing, fully, something that brings total joy. We can notice what those are for us and seek to do those things more often. We can also be brave enough to find new activities and try new things. You never know when you’ll discover something that brings more flow into your life.
• The second type of flow involves acceptance and surrender and the wisdom to know when to choose this type of flow. Whether you accept reality or you don’t accept reality, it’s still there. It is what it is. When you don’t accept life as it is, how can you ever be happy? How can you be contented? How can you be free if you’ve chained yourself to a battle you can’t win? Surrendering to what is, in this moment, allows the flow of your life to continue forward. You don’t get stuck—mired in quicksand where the more you fight, the further you go under.
• The third kind of flow is heading downstream instead of upstream. It’s being in a state of mind where you feel peaceful and good about who you are and where you are in your life. It’s trusting that everything is going exactly as it should be. It’s not a constant struggle that drains our energy and eats away at the heart and mind. Even if circumstances around us don’t appear to be optimum, we can still ride the current downstream, enjoying the journey of this moment and seeing the good that is all around us.

What do you think? Can you think of other ways of experiencing, expressing or describing flow? Do you agree or disagree with these ideas about flow? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment here or get in touch with me here.