Finding fault

It's so easy to point out what others are doing wrong. When we're talking to ourselves (we all do it), it's easy enough for us to see the negative that's in our lives. We can find flaws in ourselves and others without putting much thought into it.

I'm learning the more I judge others, the more I'm refusing to judge myself. Looking in the mirror and focusing on what is wrong is easier than facing what's behind the mask I present to the world. To the world, I've got my shit together and am successful. I'm busy and complete amazing feats on a regular basis (though I don’t leap over buildings).

But inside, I'm tired. Like seriously tired. I'm learning that each demon has to be faced, but maybe not today. I'm learning there are people in my life who won't make the cut. There's also people who will gain priority because they have proven they love me and only want what's best for me. I'm learning to exclude those that simply judge me on my failures and only bring negative energy into my life. .

I'm figuring out that I have to face myself. I have to look at the ugly parts and decide if I'm going to change or accept who I am right now. I'm forcing myself out of my comfort zone and realizing I truly have no control and the more I force it, the worse the situation gets. No longer do I speak what others wish to hear, rather I consider what the most beneficial thing to do would be and try to do it. I found I have a voice that is important, even if there are those who refuse to see my worth.

Not everyone sees your worth. Some people keep you around simply to make them feel better about themselves. Some people put you down simply because you’re an easy target. You're such a mess, they feel better about themselves. If you let them, you have to realize that's on you. You can spend your life blaming those around you for your misery, but the misery will remain. What others think of you should have no influence on your actions. Ever. The decisions and actions are on you, and you alone. Stop looking to others to provide your sense of pride and make decisions that you’re proud of.  

I have learned you don't have to be miserable. You can stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Those who are with you because it makes them feel better don't like it when you start demanding respect. The consequences if they don't show you respect will tempt you to engage. They will explain to anyone that will listen how you did them wrong and they are the victim. They'll explain how you're selfish and think you're better than them.

Guess what? You are! When you start forcing yourself to face your own demons and stop using others to distract yourself, you learn you can win. You can learn to love yourself. You may find things you're ashamed of, regret, and wish would have never happened. It's highly likely. But, with the new-found confidence, you have the ability to forgive yourself and just walk away with the lesson. When you walk past the pain, there is the lesson.

Life will never stop giving you lessons. If you spend your time trying to avoid the tests, you're going to be running forever. The tests and trials are never going to stop. Hard days will always happen. People you thought you could trust are going to let you down. Irresponsible people will blame you for their behavior (or lack thereof). Life's never going to be easy. Ever. It's always going to take effort to become successful.

Dig down deep inside and ask yourself why the people in your life deserve to be there. Family members who bring no joy to your life do NOT have to be a part of your daily life. Sure, they may show up on holidays and question your absence. Have an answer. Answers can range from “been busy” to “avoiding the drama,” it just all depends on your decision.

Another problem I have had with setting boundaries is the fear of standing alone. I have always been afraid that people are going to leave my life and I’m going to be by myself with nobody to lean on. After much soul-searching, I was just a coward. I didn’t want to tell people to shove-off or leave me alone. I didn’t have the courage to be honest about my feelings. I didn’t want to listen to the guilt trip or disappoint people who are expecting me to eternally deal with their bullshit. Rather than saying something, I kept my anger and frustration inside. But, it stays there. The resentment and anger build up and then you have a huge blow-up over something completely stupid.

Stop taking the easy way. Say what your heart tells you, but think about it first. Take the hard road, if that’s what your heart decides is the path you need to take. Some people will not be willing to follow you and that’s ok. Don’t let fear prevent you from making space in your life for people who will love you.