FINDING THE ELUSIVE GOLDENFISH: AN ALLEGORY

FINDING THE ELUSIVE GOLDENFISH: AN ALLEGORY

By W H Inmon

Once upon a time a fisherman got lost at sea in the tip of South America, near Patagonia. The waters calmed and the fisherman decided to cast his nets. Soon he had a catch. When he pulled up the nets, he saw he had caught a fish he had never seen before.

He took the fish home and set it in the sun to dry. The next day he came back and found the fish. It had miraculously turned into gold as it had dried in the sun. The fisherman caught a lot more of these golden fish and sure enough – every fish turned into gold. He was rich beyond his wildest imagination.

He retired to Hollywood and had lunch on Fridays with Barbra Streisand. He lived in a mansion in Laurel Canyon.

Soon rumors began to spread around Hollywood about this fisherman’s sudden wealth. A servant thought he heard the man say something about the Arctic. Word soon got out that the golden fish were in the Arctic. The servant had mistaken the Arctic for the Antarctic.

In California were a group of people called the Voracious Cash merchants (or the VC’s). The VC’s were really fond of gold. The VC’s wanted as much gold as they could get. The VC’s let it be known that they wanted people to go out and explore for the golden fish. The VC’s would pay for the boats to go on a search. Boats came from all over for the search for the golden fish. There was the Microsoft Monster. There was the IBM Intrepid. There was the Oracle Oyster. There was the OpenAI Octopus. The SAP Shark. And there were a host of other boats as well that wanted in on finding the golden fish.

Among the other boats was a small, modest but very brave boat - ?the textual ETL canoe. The textual ETL canoe had a brave crew who were not afraid of exploring where no one else had gone.

Now at this time there was a compass maker who supplied compasses to the sea captains. The compass maker was very precise and very reliable. But one night he drank a little too much wine and felt quite tipsy. When he woke the next morning he was feeling ill. He went to his compass projects and – not feeling well – accidently turned the face of the compass upside down. North was south and south was north. This faulty compass happened to end up on the canoe textual ETL.

The VC’s and the ship captains were anxious to get rich. They contacted the most prestigious mapmakers anywhere – John Stanford and Bill Berkeley. Stanford and Berkeley told everyone that they should head north along the NLP trail and that they would find the Arctic. Sure enough the boat captains all headed north in search of the elusive golden fish. The boat captains and their crew wanted to get rich.

Except for the textual ETL canoe. Because of that darned compass the textual ETL canoe headed south, instead of north.

The boat captains that headed north found lots of interesting things. They found Japan, where they had sushi and sake and met some geisha.?? They found Siberia where they saw a polar bear. They found Alaska, where they saw an igloo and reindeer. The boat captains discovered lots of interesting things but they just never did find the golden fish. And they searched very hard and thoroughly.

The textual ETL canoe – heading south - was alone. No other boat followed. The textual ETL canoe discovered Hawaii where the boat mates learned to Hula dance. The textual ETL canoe found Tahiti where they discovered mai tai’s.

As they continued to head south the warm air turned cool, then cold. Soon they saw icebergs.

Then one day they cast a net. And lo and behold they found the golden fish. The nets were filled with golden fish.

There were no other boats around. All the other boats were busy trundling in in the Arctic. But the textual ETL canoe found the elusive golden fish.

?

Bill Inmon lives in Denver with his wife and his two Scotty dogs – Jeb and Lena. Jeb tried golden fish for supper one night and he liked it. But Lena turns her nose up at golden fish. She prefers Alpo and a good belly rub.