Finding Courage in Our Most Vulnerable Moments

We sometimes have to make decisions that feel like a knot in our chest. Every leader knows this feeling - those necessary choices that, even when right for the long term, change people's lives. It's part of leading, but it weighs on you. That's when I experienced something rarely discussed in leadership circles: shame.

We talk about leadership as a journey of growth, of vision, of driving change. But we don't often speak about these moments - when decisions feel heavy in your heart. When doing the right thing for the business long term meets the very human cost of change. These are the moments that shape us as leaders. They're the experiences that teach us the true weight of responsibility, and ultimately, help us lead with both strength and empathy.

I discovered I wasn't alone in these feelings. This was a shared yet often silenced experience among women in leadership. The data confirms what I was feeling: women leaders are 2.5 times more likely to experience shame and self-doubt after business setbacks, and we're twice as likely to blame ourselves for business setbacks compared to our male counterparts.?

We're told to be strong, but not too strong. Be confident but stay humble. Be ambitious, but don't appear pushy. And heaven forbid we make a mistake - while our male colleagues are often praised for taking bold risks, we're picked apart and criticized for the smallest missteps. One tough decision, even when it's the right one for the business, and suddenly everything we've built, all our achievements, can be overshadowed by judgment and criticism.

The reality is stark - 43% of women leaders are considering stepping down or downshifting their careers. The burden isn't just emotional; it's practical. We spend 25% more time on non-promotable tasks, face twice the scrutiny in our decisions, and are expected to navigate an increasingly complex landscape of expectations.

Where does this leave us?

If we want to see more women in C-suite positions, we need to start having honest conversations about shame and its impact on leadership. We need to create spaces where women can acknowledge these feelings without fear of being perceived as weak or unsuitable for leadership roles.

The very fact that you're willing to step into the arena, to make those gut-wrenching calls, to lead despite carrying this extra emotional load - that's what makes you a leader. Not your perfect decisions (because there aren't any), not the absence of mistakes (because they're inevitable), but your courage to keep showing up, to face the hard stuff head-on.

Here's what I do know - leadership is messy, complex, lonely and doesn't come with a playbook. From the sidelines, decisions might look straightforward. But until you've carried the weight of responsibility for people's livelihoods, until you've had to choose between difficult options with no perfect answer, you cannot truly understand what this journey entails.

What have I learned??

As women, we're often conditioned to view failure or setbacks as catastrophic, as evidence that we don't belong. But we must view these moments differently. Setbacks and failures teach us resilience, it's not just about bouncing back - it's about bouncing forward, using these experiences to build wisdom and courage. It's about recognising that taking risks and sometimes falling short is part of innovation and growth; and learning to separate your worth from your outcomes.

Real leadership is about finding the strength to make those gut-wrenching calls and owning them, even when your hands are shaking. Every pivot, every challenge, and yes, even those moments that feel like failures, aren't signs you're doing it wrong. They're proof that you're in the arena, building something meaningful, taking the risks that matter.

For me, it isn't about eliminating these moments of doubt or shame - it's about recognising them as part of our strength. It's about creating a new model of leadership where authenticity isn't just accepted, but valued. Where the ability to feel deeply and lead bravely aren't seen as contradictions, but as essential qualities for the leaders our world needs now.

I'm sharing my story because these conversations matter. Because somewhere right now, another woman leader is carrying the same feelings. And I want you to know you're not alone. I want you to remember: those moments that feel the heaviest, the decisions that seem impossible - they aren't breaking you; they're building you. They're not just shaping your leadership journey; they're revealing the leader you've always had within you.

Viv