Finding Closure and Moving Forward: Tips for CoParents Post-Divorce
Divorce can be a painful and emotional process, and it's not uncommon for coparents to struggle with feelings of grief and loss even after the legal proceedings are over. However, it's essential for parents to find closure and move on with their lives in order to create a healthy and supportive coparenting environment for their children. Here are some of my tips and insights on how coparents can find closure and move forward post-divorce.
1. Allow yourself to grieve
The end of a marriage is a significant loss, and it's important for coparents to allow themselves to grieve. This can involve talking to a therapist, journaling, or engaging in other self-care activities that help process feelings of sadness and grief. It's essential to acknowledge and work through these emotions before trying to move forward.
2. Acknowledge any anger or resentment
Anger and resentment are common emotions after a divorce, but holding onto these feelings overtime can be harmful to both coparents and their children. It's important to work through any anger or resentment towards your ex-partner.? Typically what went wrong in the marriage will go wrong in the divorce - extending the life of these kinds of difficult emotions. It can sometimes feel like they will never subside.? And it’s hard when you still have to work with someone you might feel that kind of animosity towards.? Own your anger.? Acknowledge the problems and what may be your part.? You can only control yourself.? Remember what you know to be true.? Learn how to argue like business partners rather than intimate, married partners. ? Setting clear boundaries and agreements, focus on what you can control, and making the time with your kids quality time will help you move forward.??
3. Create a new vision for your life
With every ending, there’s a beginning.? And it can be exciting and terrifying at the same time.? So many unknowns.? However, divorce can offer an opportunity to create a new vision for yourself.? Get back in touch with the values and person you remember or want to be.? Taking time to focus on your personal growth and development, what you want your life to look like, setting goals - all are important in moving forward.? Dream big, even if it’s terrifying.? Dream like you did when you were younger.? Your dreams about your future will be part of your scaffolding holding you together for now.? Keep working towards them.? Remember, you must do the things you think you cannot.
4. Focus on your children
Parenting after/while going through a? divorce is challenging.? Let’s face it - we’re not the best versions of ourselves initially.? But it can all come together in time.? Another good focus will be on your kids.? Not just in managing your coparenting relationship and agreements to keep things stable and predictable but also in truly? being present with your kiddos when you have them. Children are incredibly resilient and let’s shore them up even more by tuning into what their needs might be, especially during the initial phases of a divorce.? Most important is to make them feel emotional and physically safe.? If your coparent isn’t on board, then focus in ways that you can do this on your own - on your time with them.? If your coparent can participate - fantastic.? Create agreements that focus on your kiddos’s needs, keep lines of communication open and stay flexible.? Your kids will want or at least hope for you two to get along or fake it to some extent.? By focusing on your children's needs, you can create a supportive and stable environment for them to thrive in.
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5. Seek support
Finally, don't be afraid to seek support as you navigate co-parenting after divorce. This may involve talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or reaching out to friends and family for help. Remember that you don't have to go through this alone, and there are resources available to help you.? It takes a village.
Finding closure and moving forward after a divorce can be difficult, but it's essential for coparents to prioritize the wellbeing of everyone in the family.? Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you’re not a family.? You just look different.? So let’s define what that looks like for you!
By allowing yourself to grieve, letting go of anger and resentment, creating a new vision for your life, focusing on your children, and seeking support, you can find closure and move forward in a positive and healthy way.
As a coparenting specialist, divorce coach, and a divorced mom -? I understand the challenges that come with navigating coparenting successfully. My goal is to assist you in developing the family structure? and coparenting relationship that makes sense now and in a way that helps your children thrive.
Email me.? I’ll help you do it better.?
coparentingwell.com?
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