Finding Balance on Paying It Forward

I recently interacted with a "Network Connection" I hadn't spoken to in a few years. It was great catching up with a brief phone call. During the conversation, I offered to use my professional experience to help them with a current business initiative they were working through. After all, they had a need, and I had the time and a skill that would help address the situation. It was what I would consider a small task, and it felt great to help!

A few days later, I received a gift package with significant retail value (definitely more than the amount to buy a nice cup of coffee) from the connection's organization. While grateful, it was unexpected. It instantly turned the experience into something transactional. And, as one friend helping another friend, it took me a minute or two to process.

I get it. We live in a hyper-sell environment. Everything is marketing. Everything is a commodity. We all have and bring value. We should all be getting paid. Sometimes, we even let financial guilt creep in because we don't feel a simple "Thank You" is enough to offer others.??

But, taking a step back, we need to recognize the importance of extending some good things into the world freely, understanding that we have committed to releasing that value to help others. We won't—and don't expect to—see a return to us. And that's okay. We put faith in knowing that a person helped will go on to help others.

The hard part of paying it forward is that it can challenge feelings from both sides. The giver may feel uncomfortable redirecting value versus reciprocation. And the receiver may feel awkward "taking" value because they might feel unworthy.

So, how do we get comfortable with the process of giving?

Matching Gifts to Needs

"I would like to pay for the family's meal in the car behind me." This drive-thru generosity is one of the simplest examples of paying it forward. The prompt for the purchase could be any number of things—the person got a raise, the person received exciting news, the person had an amazing professional or personal accomplishment, or even the person has nostalgia around a memory of their family going through the drive-thru when they were a kid. Regardless, we know the offering meets a need because the family is there to order and purchase food.

But let's not get fooled by the word "pay." In 30 Worthy Guides for Mapping Your Best Life, I highlight that "Many people mistake money as the only resource they can give to support...I always presented options—time, talent, or treasure." Most of us can relate to this if we ever freely helped a friend move or watched their kids or pets while they had appointments, interviews, or meetings.

The closer we align to matching a need, the less awkward a contribution feels.

Timing Offerings to Needs

Some of us have an instant feedback mechanism—you did something for us, and we must immediately do something to equal the generosity. We've almost conditioned ourselves not to be able to hold a charge. Instead, we're unloading so fast that we look like a shortstop striving to make a double play in baseball.

But what if we could hold and use that energy or value to have a more significant impact a day or two down the road? A simple example: we could easily buy a coffee for someone today because someone randomly did it for us. Or, we could encourage a colleague to take a break and offer to buy them a coffee when we see them struggling with a project—the same value on the coffee, but the timing presents a different value on impact.

By considering the timing, we can make contributions feel more natural.

Life will constantly offer a spectrum of opportunities—big and small. It's up to us to determine how we distribute our time, talent, and treasure for stability and growth. Paying it forward allows us to tip the scales by doing some positive shaping in our environments—not just waiting for good things to happen but giving a nudge in the right direction for ourselves and others. Acts of kindness have the potential to help people feel more optimistic and more resilient—I'll take the chance of giving them away every day!

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