Finding Balance in Life

I have struggled with finding balance my entire life. When I was younger and climbing the corporate ladder, I did a very poor job of balancing those things that were important to me.

15 years ago, my wife went to a women's conference and came home with a recording of a presentation she had listened to on "Life's Balance Wheel." I was struggling inwardly while thriving outwardly, so I asked if I could listen to it. Have you ever listened to a speaker and thought they were talking directly to you? That was what happened when I listened to this talk.

Knowledge without application is worthless so I decided it was time for me to start having a plan to balance my life in those areas I felt were important to me. I have been doing this exercise each year around January 1 for about 15 years now. Here are some things that I have learned, and mistakes I have made, that may help you in your journey to find balance.

First, I knew my life was out of balance when I started this. I wasn't being the husband I wanted to be and my wife deserved, I wasn't being the father I wanted to be, I wasn't walking in my faith, I wasn't spending time with lifelong friends, and I certainly wasn't taking care of myself from a health perspective. Instead of doing New Year's resolutions that I would remember for three weeks, I wanted to try something different but needed a methodology.

The first thing I have learned in doing this is that you have to define success for the year. When I sat down and did this a couple weeks ago, I asked myself what I would celebrate on New Year's Day 2024 if I had a successful 2023. Without a definition of success, I have found it impossible to have a plan to find balance. This is always the hardest for me to do. It sounds easy but if you put the proper thought into it, defining success for your entire life in a year is very difficult.

Once I have my definition of success for the year, I define the focus areas I need to be intentional in to accomplish success for that year. For 15 years, my focus areas have been faith, family, friends, finances, career, and health. This year I shortened my focus areas to five areas by dropping friends because my goals in this area have been accomplished every year since inception and I will accomplish them again this year. I have very few people I call friends, where the relationships are not superficial, they are deep, and focusing in this area is a given so I took it off. It doesn't need more focus. That left faith, family, finances, career, and health.

Once I define success for the year and the areas I have to focus on to accomplish my overall goal for the calendar year, I write a one sentence goal for each of my five focus areas. Keep it simple, make it meaningful and personal, and be able to remember it without reading it. For faith, it could be as simple as "grow closer to Christ." For family, it could be "be a better husband, father, and son." Short, succinct, and simple. Do this for each of your focus areas.

Once you have your definition of success for the year, focus areas that will get you there, and a short one sentence goal for each focus area, break it down by month. In other words, for my faith goal in January I am going to read a Proverb each day with my wife prior to going to work. That's it. That is my goal for Faith in January. Do this for each focus area, and you will get tired of me saying this, but KEEP IT SIMPLE. At the end of each month, do a retrospective on how you did. Did you accomplish your goal? If not, should you roll it into February or find a new goal for that focus area? Doing these monthly force you to be intentional and I have found myself much more successful in accomplishing what I determine are the most important things in my life by doing so.

That's it. Define success for the year. Pick out the areas that are most important to you achieving that definition of success. Be specific with your goal for each of these focus areas for the year and then break them each down into a monthly plan so that you are intentional and achieve your goals.

Finally, a few things I have learned from failing over the years:

1. If your definition of success and goals aren't meaningful and personal to you, they won't happen.
2. Keep it simple. If you have three goals for each focus area, each goal is a paragraph that you can't remember without looking at, this exercise will be futile.
3. Do it with your significant other if you have one. It's powerful to sit down with my wife each year and do this exercise. It draws us closer by having level 5 conversations like this and being vulnerable around your goals, successes, and failures. You also have a built in accountability partner for the year!
4. Don't beat yourself up when you start this process. You will fail. Learn from it, get better, and move on.
5. When you finish this exercise, ALWAYS wrap up by pulling a pad of paper out and writing down a list of everything you are grateful for. This list will be long, even if you have heartache or struggles in your life. It's good to reminded what we have to be grateful for and not just focus on what is wrong.

Many people are struggling with anxiety, depression, or just feeling like they are barely keeping their head above water on a daily basis. If you use this methodology to help you develop a plan with intentionality, it will help you find peace and joy in this crazy world we all live in. I hope you have a safe, healthy, and productive 2023!