Finding balance. Juggling the different mental loads whilst remaining present

I had a really interesting conversation with a friend last weekend. We were talking about the infamous juggle of work and home. The conversation evolved and then laser-focused on three key areas: Schedule control, the importance of presence during family time and being aware of your triggers (and how they can affect your ability to remain balanced).

It's a hot topic at the moment: How to balance work and life. I find myself continuously stumbling across articles outlining the ways to balance it all: Take breaks, know when to say no, find something you love doing. The list goes on. What was incredibly interesting about the conversation was the relatable scenarios my friend and I had. Both of us are working Mums. Both deeply care about our careers and both are on a never-ending tightrope, juggling kids, school, deadlines, dinner time, husbands, laundry loads...need I go on? So I thought this was worth writing about. Because maybe you'll relate to it too.

?? Schedule control

Schedule control is having both the flexibility and accountability to effectively manage your workload alongside the mental load of home life. ?

Whether it's scheduling meetings around school pick-up time or working an hour in after dinner so I can attend my daughter's swimming lesson. Being in control of the schedule is more powerful for the mind than you may think.?Remaining accountable is easy when you're given the freedom to plan your schedule.

Continuing to have a high performance and a work-smart attitude comes naturally when you're trusted and left to do the job. None of this would be possible without having the flexibility I have within my role.

? Being present = no technology

Our dinner table is a tech-free zone. It’s normally a 1.5-hour affair. No TVs on, no iPads and definitely no phones. Not even if we’re trying to work out the name of the 7th Dwarf from Snow White and our last option is Google (his name is Sneezy by the way).?

We have a gratitude moment, a simple question “What are you grateful for today?”. It normally sparks conversation and engages us. After dinner, we have what we’ve dubbed “tech time”. A 30-minute session where everyone can do as they please on their devices. I use this time to do the grocery shop, catch up on personal admin and normally have a stab at the Times crossword (has anyone else noticed that it's got significantly harder over the past 2 weeks?).

Being present keeps us connected. It also keeps us accountable. If someone picks up tech in a non-tech time, you’ll be sure to get dubbed a rule-breaker by a three-year-old. It's not worth the abuse.

? Knowing your triggers (and how they can affect your ability to remain balanced.)

I think this is the most important one. I’d never even heard of a “trigger” until roughly a year ago. In all honesty, I thought it was a buzzword, overused by people who were not mentally strong enough to handle uncomfortable or stressful situations. I was wrong.

Like many, I have a few triggers. Some in my personal capacity, like when friends and relatives hug my child without her consent (don’t get me started!). But others in my control, I’ve learned to manage by a simple change to my routine or lifestyle. A major one for me (and a work in progress for sure) is the overconsumption of current news affairs. Recession, pandemic, world war, school shootings, corruption... It sends me totally off the handle. The more I watch and read, the more I need to read and watch. A never-ending hungry beast for sure. It sends me down all sorts of bizarre rabbit holes, conjuring up scenarios that are so far from reality that when I tell someone about them they look at me as if I’ve gone totally bonkers. The solution? Limit the intake. I’ve turned all social media notifications off and only alerted when there’s “Breaking News” on Skynews. We’ve also stopped putting the news on the TV in the morning. Instead, we opt for a calming Spotify playlist or a David Attenborough narrated documentary. ?

Another one of my triggers: Road rage. Why are you driving so slow? The light’s been green for 1.5 seconds why haven’t you hit your accelerator yet? Overcoming this trigger was totally accidental. I was introduced to Steve Bartlet’s podcast A Diary of a CEO. Suddenly the one-hour podcasts made the drive to, and from work not only bearable but insightful and motivating. AND you guessed, I stopped driving up the arse of that poor VW Polo and used the hour to redirect the energy to listening and learning. Thanks Steve, I owe you a beer.

I find that I am more susceptible to my triggers if I am emotional, sleep-deprived or hungry. Acknowledging this in the moment also helps me work through whatever it may be I am dealing with.

Here’s a little more info on triggers.

Becoming consciously aware of your triggers can help you navigate a way through them, bringing an overwhelming sense of control.

Finding balance and juggling the different mental loads, all whilst remaining present is a work in progress. We are deep into a post-lockdown world and it looks like it will always be an ever-evolving topic. One where we must continue to give ourselves credit for how far we've come, all whilst remaining receptive to improvement.

Stay curious fellow creatives, Emma.