Finding Balance

“Heather, for the teacher appreciation celebration next week, we saved bringing plates and cups for you on the sign up – we know you won’t be able to bring a hot lunch item at noon to school” – sent via email by a mom at my son’s school to the entire parent community.

The truth was, I couldn’t bring a hot lunch item at noon to the school. I was actually very grateful that mom saved “plates and cups” for me.   I have appreciated the moms that have picked up the slack for me through the years.  And the guilt I felt was overwhelming.  

I’ve worked full time jobs in tech for almost 30 years.  The last decade was as a C level exec at two startups that went public.  And, I have three high energy, demanding sons (currently ages 10, 11 and 14).  It has been a constant struggle to find balance.  Missing a school violin concert for a board meeting.  Feeling guilty as I left work early for a soccer game.

I thought I would share some advice I received early in my motherhood journey. I had two babies / toddlers at home and was debating having a 3rd child. I talked to 10+ moms that had very demanding careers and 3+ children. I consistently received the same advice (in different forms).  Step on the gas in your career when your children are young, you can pay someone else to bathe, diaper, potty train and get your little ones on a sleep schedule.  And in those early years, when you are home, your small children will want to spend every minute with you – you will get significant bonding time with them. As your kids get older (middle school and beyond), it is more difficult to outsource part of parenting.  The challenges at these ages are ones that you want to personally be involved in, not a paid helper (conversations about puberty, changing bodies and the opposite sex for example).  And your children will hit an age (for mine it was around 12) where you have to catch them in the moment for them to want to talk to you about it – you have to physically be there.  And finally – don’t even get me started on the teenage years.  We are one year in, and I know that I need to be home when my kids are home so that shenanigans don’t ensue.

Last fall, I resigned from my full-time position as a CMO.  I am now exclusively focused on Board of Director work – which is part time and has significant flexibility.  These first 6 months have been amazing.  It has made a significantly positive impact on our sons and our family dynamic.  And I am still not sure if it will be fulfilling enough long term from a career perspective.  I am still figuring it all out.  But, I believe the advice those 10+ moms gave me all those years ago was accurate – I have been able to be a better middle school parent being around more.

So, my advice is this:  Moms of youngsters - step on the gas in your children’s early years to build the equity to be able to do something with more flexibility as they get older.  Moms of middle and upper school, I know not everyone has the luxury to do part time work, but with Covid and remote working, we are at a stage where each of us have the opportunity to rethink what “work” looks like.  Take advantage of our current situation if you can.