Finding an Anchor
A Journey Through Clouded Clarity
As I had written in the last blog, the frustration of being a prisoner in my mind was overwhelming for the last couple of weeks. But amidst the chaos, a flicker of hope emerged. It wasn't a grand gesture or a miraculous cure. It was a simple reminder to go back to what I enjoy. Normally when I am feeling low, my psychologist tells me to keep a box of happy ideas like a music playlist, a walk in the park, or painting. Anything that anchors me to feel better. While I would have normally done all of this, even this was difficult in the haze.?
Weirdly as my cognitive brain was in a haze, my creative brain kicked in. My unfinished puzzle which I had started was made a lot faster than most others I have made. The colours and the patterns made more sense in the confusion. I finished this 2000-piece puzzle in a week while watching inane television.I was just sitting for hours, putting pieces away.? I am not an expert so no clue why the right brain was functioning beautifully while the left one was incoherent but the puzzle helped me anchor a part of my mind.
Coincidentally, during this time, a high AWS bill triggered another chain of events. We had to take our web application down because we had not used it for months and it was accruing large bills. Needed a website with no coding agency on the roster. A basic Wix or Wordpress would have fixed the problem but it just was not displaying the way I wanted it so I started to just build the pages in HTML. For experienced coders, it is a small task that would take a couple of days but I had not done this for 12 years and the mind was in a haze.
Interestingly as I started to code, my brain just did it intuitively. It was like riding a bike, it all just came back with minimal stress on my left brain. I have always equated it to painting so with my right brain working the website started to take shape too. Thanks to Divya who created all the graphics and worked with my inane requests to create the website with me, something she has never done in her life.
This familiar activity which I used to love years ago, offered a sense of grounding. While the website is not perfect, engaging in a familiar activity, one I enjoyed, provided a much-needed anchor. It wasn't a complete fix, but it was a start – a tiny spark of normalcy amid the fog. Let us know what you think of the website.
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These two very different things helped me reach my sense of normality.?
This experience served as a powerful lesson in going back to the basics and finding what makes you happy. My story is a testament to the power of small anchors. It's a reminder that even in the thickest mental fog, there's always something to hold onto, be it a familiar activity, a trusted friend, or simply the unwavering belief that this too shall pass.
Pushing through physical challenges can be beneficial, but mental health deserves equal, if not greater, attention. There's no shame in acknowledging limitations and seeking help when needed.
If you've ever found yourself lost in the mental fog, know that you're not alone. Share your experiences in the comments below. Let's build a community of support and understanding, one anchor at a time.