Find your Why? It's Not That Simple

Ever since Simon Sinek's book Start With Why was published a few years back, I often hear different people saying "Find your WHY!" if you want to be successful. Almost like they're saying it's something you've lost, and all you have to do is look around for it a little bit and you'll find it.

It doesn't work that way. You can't just follow a process and your WHY will magically appear. And I don't think Sinek meant it to be that way. I love his ideas and believe he's a fantastic leadership development expert. I just think that most people misinterpret the application of this particular idea. And to explain how, I would like to draw from another Sinek concept known as "the infinite game".

Sinek says there are two types of games we play: the finite game and the infinite game. The finite game is like basketball. You have rules, you can keep score, there is a beginning and end, and there is a clear winner and loser when it's over. In the infinite game, there are no set of defined rules, no winners or losers, no time limit, and the only objective is to keep going.

The means we use to determine growth in the finite game is goal-setting. We set goals and measure our progress. In the infinite game, growth is determined through development. We find areas to improve (often immeasurable) and then seek methods to improve them.

Another way of thinking about it is that setting goals is like climbing a ladder. There is a beginning, an end, and clear steps along the way. You can tell exactly where you are at all times. Development is more like building a muscle. Sure, we can track our progress and measure certain things about it. But there is no end to it. If we stop exercising it, the muscle gets weaker. And we can always get a little stronger as long as we keep working at it.

Our main problem with finding our WHY lies in the fact that we treat it like a ladder, when it is actually more like a muscle. You have to constantly and continuously invest in deep thought about your WHY. You can't just expect to go through some exercise and then there's your WHY. You've got to think about it every day. You've got to determine what you like and dislike about it. And you have to define and redefine it. Then you'll begin to understand what I'm talking about. It becomes super clear over time. And it sometimes even changes based on your context and season of life. But if you stop, you will get less clear. Just like if you stop building a muscle, it will become less strong.

A lot of times people ask me what my WHY is. I used to tell them, but I don't anymore. I believe that my WHY is for me, and yours is for you. It becomes less effective if you use it to brand yourself or sell something. It becomes about the finite game instead of the infinite game. I don't recommend this if you want to be clear.

If you really want to be motivated by your WHY, keep it as pure as possible. And keep developing it every single day.