How to find 'the' Mentor!

Cambridge dictionary specifies that a "Mentor is an experienced and trusted person who gives another person advice and help, esp. related to work or school, over a period of time" 

This sounds about right. All of us have mentors who guide us, motivate us and bring out the best in us. Anyone who has more experience than me in my particular field of interest can mentor me. But the question is, "Is this the right person to mentor me?". Let's take a look at some options of finding the right mentor and also who qualifies as "the" mentor.

How to find the right mentor?

The best mentors we would like to have are the ones we look up to as our role models. Many people would love to have Bill Gates or Michael Phelps as their mentors, but they are far from the common man's reach. Instead let's look at our social circle at work, college, gym, biking clubs, meetups etc. There will be seniors whom we respect, coaches who have trained others, team captains who bring out the best in others, there will always be folks we look up to. These are the men and women we would ideally want to recruit as our mentors.I use the word 'recruit' because these high performing leaders and coaches are not only some of the best in their field, they are also some of the busiest people around. We will have to spend considerable effort to convince our 'to-be mentors' that we will be deserving proteges, that we recognize and respect their time and make sure their effort into this mentorship will not go waste. Finding and recruiting a mentor will probably be one of the toughest tasks we have to start with. 

At times, it may be hard to connect to potential mentors in our trusted immediate social circle. However, this is no reason to lose hope. The next logical step is to seek mentors through some connections in our immediate social circle. While using LinkedIn ,Twitter and other social media to find potential mentors is a good idea, connecting with them in a meaningful way is difficult by sending just a LinkedIn connection request or tagging someone on Twitter.  From my own experience, it has been easier to connect with a potential mentor after receiving a personal introduction to them through a common friend or colleague.

Unless a drastic change in professions is being considered, it should be fairly easy to  get an introduction to potential mentors through an existing social circle. If you are a swimmer now and want to make a move into astrophysics, it may be tricky to find a suitable mentor. If you have developed an interest in astrophysics then you should figure out the locations where you will likely meet astrophysicists. They may be present at your local meetups, astrophysics workshops in your area etc. Carry your astrophysics pet project's demo with you to these meetings where you could potentially meet your next mentor. For the rest of us who are trying to find a mentor in a professional field similar to our own, just look around, there is always someone suitable to coach and motivate us! 

There are quite a few online "Find a mentor" websites. I do hope that these websites act as a useful tool to connect with suitable mentors . However, I am a strong believer in finding a mentor in one's own or extended social circle and feel this will be the best chance for a rewarding mentor-protege relationship.

Who is the best mentor for you?

Now that we know where to find our mentors, lets find answers to the below questions which will help us narrow down our 'to-be' mentors.

• Have they coached others before ?
• What's the opinion from their other mentees ?
• Were the coaches able to keep their organizational or personal goals aside and guide their mentees without any conflicts of interests ?
• The high performer individual contributor doesn't seem to be interested in coaching others. Who coached this successful performer ? Should I directly approach his/her mentor ? 

I stress that we find a mentor in our immediate circle because we will end up spending a lot of time with our mentor, if the mentor is already aware of your work and goals and has been consistently encouraging, it becomes easier for your mentor to train you and for you to trust his/her judgement.

The right mentor is someone who fulfills the following criteria:

• Someone whom you can trust your next moves with.
• Someone who can help you make the right decisions.
• Someone who will keep his/her personal interests and motivations aside when they are guiding you.
• Someone who will not hold back in helping you find and connect with new mentors in other areas of  expertise. 
• Someone who will believe in your abilities and give you that gentle push you need but they will also make sure that you do not get burned out.
• Someone who will be honest in letting you know what qualities or skills you need improvement in and helps you setup a plan to achieve the same.
• Someone who will set your priorities right whenever you get distracted.

There is no easy way to define the "right mentor" for you. But your mentor should definitely be someone who understands your needs and is willing to help you achieve your goals selflessly. At the end of the day, the only gratification your mentor might take away is a pat on your back and knowing that he/she helped you succeed.

Personally I have been mentored from a variety of people in different walks of life. I owe my success to my mentors for guiding me and believing in me. All of them have achieved greatness in their respective fields. I find it humbling that even after distinguishing themselves and being successful in their field, they still constantly seek out mentors to better themselves. 

Circle of Mentorship

Always remember to give back, because today you are still a protege aiming to make a mark. In the future when you are the one who is riding the wave of success, always find time to mentor someone to surf the same waves you had breezed through thanks to your mentor. Just as you will not shy away from approaching your 'to-be' mentor and asking for their guidance, please do not shy away from mentoring others. Do not belittle your own accomplishments, because what you have achieved today is what someone else might be seeking to achieve in a few years. Always give back to the circle of mentorship.

Happy mentoring!

-Prasanna Naik

PS: Please feel free to drop in your experiences with your mentors in the comments section. If there are interesting ways through which you have been introduced to your mentors please do share. Thank You.