Financial Love Letter to My Younger Self

Each Valentine’s Day many of us express our love for our parents, partners, and children. Some of us celebrate ourselves; when I was a student at Cornell, I bought myself a bouquet of daisies and carried them with me to classes on Valentine’s Day. Few of us express appreciation for our relationship with our finances.  

You might be thinking “What? Relationship with my finances?” As a private wealth advisor who offers peace of mind through financial self-care, you heard me right. Financial health includes having:

• Clarity around what you are doing with your finances
• Comfort around why you are doing it
• Confidence that you are making informed financial decisions today that positively influence your future

And you experience financial health when you:

• Separate your self-worth from your financial net worth
• Realize your financial goals through daily decisions
• Manage your personal finances through vigilance and action like any other relationship

This approach to financial health is a culmination of professional training and experience, as well as personal circumstances. To help make the idea of “appreciating your relationship with finances” more real, I thought that I’d have a little fun.  

Inspired by the old adage "If we only knew then what we know now," following is a financial love letter that I’ve written to my younger self for Valentine’s Day. In this unconventional reflection, I’ve brought together some of my favorite quotes, advice about life, and insights about finances that I would have relayed to my younger self, if granted the opportunity.  

I hope that you enjoy it and, this Valentine’s Day, you are inspired to acknowledge – and maybe even express appreciation for – your own relationship with your finances.  

"Life is what we make it.

Always has been, always will be." 

Grandma Moses

Dear Caroline,

Congratulations! You are so fortunate to be in this moment. Each day you have new opportunities to explore all that life has to offer, and become whoever you want to be. Daily there will be joy and pain, success and failure, hope and fear. All of these are okay, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Through these experiences you will build relationships, discover meaning, and grow. 

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" 

- Confucius

When it comes to your personal finances, approach them as you do any other relationship. Your connection with your finances will grow and change. Allow it to mature as you mature. There are ebbs and flows. There are highs and lows. There will be great times and there will be rough times. Expect this to happen, be vigilant, and be ready to continuously adjust what you are doing with your money. When it comes to your finances, retain focus on the long term and seek out opportunities to enjoy life today in ways that enhance, rather than decrease, your financial choices over time.  

As soon as you begin earning an allowance, view it just as it is: money. It is not inherently good or bad. It is something that you can use for different purposes. Enjoy spending some of it, put some of it into a savings account to grow, and contribute some to the weekly collection at Church. 

When you start babysitting and earning more money, stick to the same approach. Even though the amount of money you are earning is increasing, continue spending less that what you are paid, save and grow some of your income, and continue sharing some of your wealth with others.

And when you are an independent woman, earning your own income, sustain your financial momentum. Contribute to your retirement plan. Anticipate that there may be points in time where you may need to spend more than you earn. When that happens, go with it without guilt; just don't get stuck in a downward spending spiral. You want debt that you accumulate to be paid off strategically; use debt to enhance your financial net worth and choices, rather than decrease them. 

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity" 

- Amelia Earhart

Life will inevitably change. Expect this to happen. Sometimes the changes will be ones you initiate. Other changes will surprise you and be out of your control. When changes happen, acknowledge them and retain focus on who you are, what brings you purpose, and your relationships that build and sustain you - especially your relationship with your finances. This consistent approach will provide you focus and fulfillment in an uncertain and dynamic world. 

For instance, should you decide to change your life and spend it with a partner you love, keep your relationship with your finances steady. Just as you have cultivated a relationship with your finances over time, so has your partner, whether he is aware of it or not. Be honest and transparent about finances with your partner. Carefully evaluate whether - and how - you and he will combine finances or keep them separate.  

Talk about each of your financial needs, wants, and wishes. Understand each other's debts and how you're paying them off. Learn from each other's successes and failures spending less than you earn, saving regularly, and investing for your future. Discuss whether you have purchased insurance and whether you should consider insurance going forward. 

And show your love for each other by ensuring that you each have estate plans in place. Pending what your Attorney counsels, draw up a Will, Health Care Proxy, and Power of Attorney. With these legal documents in place, you and he have given each other the ultimate gift of love: peace of mind that the structures are in place to fulfill each other’s wishes when life together ultimately does come to an end.

"Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." 

Jamie Paolinetti

My dear Sweet Caroline - you've got this thing called life, and you are not alone. When things get tough - and they will! - always remember that you are tougher. And no matter what, retain focus on who you are, what brings you purpose, and your relationships, especially your relationship with your finances. With this foundation, there is no limit to who you can become. Carpe diem!  

Happy Valentine’s Day, Caroline