Finally Home: An Epic Odyssey from the Rockies to the Garden State

Our journey from Denver, Colorado, to our New Jersey abode was an adventure of epic proportions, filled with unexpected twists, comical encounters, and moments that tested our resilience and our marriage.

After days of weather-induced delays, we finally received the green light to embark on our eastward trek along Interstate 70 on a Saturday morning.

The Great Propane Quest

Our expedition's first hurdle materialized in the form of a seemingly simple task: refilling Clark’s 25 gallon propane tank. The initial U-Haul location, which had earlier assured us of their services via the phone, proved to be a disappointment. We were greeted by a young man who regretfully informed us that he was not "fully certified" to dispense propane, despite his colleague's earlier assurances.

This setback forced us to seek alternatives, setting the stage for a series of increasingly amusing and exasperating encounters.

Our second attempt led us to a location with a parking lot that seemed designed for compact cars rather than our 40-foot RV. To add to the challenge, a taco truck had taken up residence in front of the propane filling area. With my backup camera mysteriously malfunctioning, I had to rely solely on my mirrors to navigate this maze of trailers, vans and people who decide to walk directly behind and toward a 40 ft RV backing up as if to play some moronic game of reverse chicken.

This maneuver not only tested my driving skills but also placed a considerable strain on our marital harmony as I inched backwards through a space clearly not intended for vehicles of our magnitude. The taco truck guy looked like he was about to have an unfortunate accident in his pants. I was not sure if it was the negative results of his own taco meat or his concern of Clark bearing down on him in reverse!

Undeterred by our previous misadventures, we ventured to a third location. Here, we were greeted by a young lady whose enthusiasm far outweighed her experience. As I surveyed the daunting landscape of trucks, trailers, and a narrow canopy opening supported by four precarious poles, she offered what she believed to be words of encouragement.

"You can do it!" she exclaimed, before sharing her own misadventures with much smaller vehicles. Her pep talk took an unexpected turn when she admitted to having collided with every pole and a couple of trucks while maneuvering their largest 28-foot rental.

Despite this less-than-reassuring confession, she maintained her faith in my abilities and continued to cheer me on literally jumping up and down in the parking lot with shouts of encouragement as if she was trained as a U-Haul cheerleader minus the orange pom poms and mini skirt.

With a mixture of determination and trepidation, I managed to navigate all 40 feet of Clark through the obstacle course, coming within mere inches of disaster on all sides. The young attendant's jubilant celebration of my success was short-lived, however, as she then realized she was unsure how to connect the nozzle to our propane tank.

A supervisor was summoned, and the crisis was averted.

As she monitored the propane fill, our conversation took an unexpected turn. Inquiring about my profession and the cost of our RV,? detailed answers of which I strategically managed to avoid. She exclaimed how expensive the RV must be and how I must make a lot of money which then led to a proposed adoption arrangement, offering her propane-filling skills and instant grandchild in exchange for a new family. I politely declined, citing the impracticality of a cross-country commute and mentioning our own grandson awaiting our return. Her visible disappointment was palpable which left me feeling a twinge of guilt and awkwardness as she waved goodbye in a fashion that resembled more the departure of a family reunion. We got less departure fanfare from our own kids when leaving them at college!

The Desolate Detour

With our propane saga behind us, we set out on I-70 East, only to encounter another closure due to icy conditions. This unexpected development forced us onto US Route 34, a scenic but eerily desolate stretch of single-lane highway that seemed to extend infinitely into the horizon.

For 100 miles, we traversed a landscape so barren that it appeared to question our very existence. The scarcity of fellow travelers and the complete absence of roadside amenities added an unsettling quality to our journey. Even the occasional cattle we encountered seemed to regard us with a mix of curiosity and concern, as if silently asking, "What on earth are you doing out here?"

A muddy gas station provided a brief respite, allowing Murphy, our discerning canine companion, to reluctantly relieve himself in less-than-ideal conditions. As we huddled in the parking lot, consulting our trucker's atlas and contemplating our next move, we encountered a fellow traveler towing a large fifth wheel. He told us that he took the road heading west all the way from Kansas which was reassuring to me. I quickly shared the good news with Christy who was now questioning whether we would ever see our family again! His ominous advice to "just keep going" as "there is nowhere to stop" did little to alleviate my own growing unease and I decided to not share that part with Christy.

The Road Home

Our return to I-70 marked a turning point in our odyssey. We welcomed the sight of other vehicles and the reassuring presence of civilization with open arms. The remainder of our trip unfolded with relative ease, punctuated by overnight stays in Topeka, Kansas, and Vandalia, Illinois at our favorite fire breathing Kaskaskia Dragon RV Park which is literally 8 RV Spots across from a liquor store, hardware store and laundromat. Its cheap, full hook-ups and the owners are super friendly and helpful!

A highlight of our return journey was a delightful dinner with our dear friends Rick and Michelle McDonald in Columbus, Ohio. We stayed at the Alton RV Park another all season park where we have now stayed 4 other times either on trek to or from the West. This brief interlude provided a welcome respite from the road and a chance to enjoy some warm hospitality and a wonderful meal.

Our final day of travel included a much-needed bath for Clark, at the Blue Beacon Truck Wash. This pit stop not only restored Clark's appearance but also miraculously revived the functionality of our backup camera, which had been rendered useless by layers of accumulated grime and oh a switch in the cab that I had inadvertently turned off for some reason.

As we finally pulled into our driveway at 9 PM on Tuesday, a profound sense of relief and gratitude washed over us. Clark, our faithful traveling companion, had earned his winter rest and would soon be winterized, awaiting the promise of new adventures in the spring.

This expedition, with its unique blend of challenges, humor, and unexpected encounters, served as a poignant reminder of the unpredictable nature of travel and the resilience required to navigate both the open road and the occasional challenge of keeping all systems in the green. It was a journey that tested our limits, strengthened our bond, improved my ability to apologize for and recognize my poor behavior when backing up in stressful situations. It also provided us with more to add to our growing treasure trove of memories to cherish for years to come.