Finally Feeling Successful

I became a writer when my health collapsed from stress. I suffered a burnout that would alter the course of my life. My health was so severely impacted that I had no option but to revisit almost every aspect of my life and to make changes. One of those changes was to find a career that was a better fit to my personality. While at home recovering, I did a lot of soul searching and figured out that writing brings me flow - that experience where we lose track of time and where our skills are matched to the challenge of what we are doing.

I found writing deeply cathartic and I was able to create sense out of what I had experienced. I wrote my first book, Avoiding Burnout, about my experience in the hope that others can learn from my mistakes and correct their lives before a major health collapse. The trouble was that as much as I loved writing, people kept telling me that I could not make a career out of it. In the past, I was a successful person by external metrics. I was well-qualified, I had good skills and I performed well at work. I was very focused on achieving and I measured my worth by my salary and how I was assessed by my managers. Relative to my corporate earnings, I didn’t make much money off my book and I was left feeling that I failed and that I was unsuccessful.

I’ve done a lot of work on myself in terms of personal growth since I got sick. I worked on becoming clearer on who I am without a job title and what I’m worth without a salary. It was difficult at times and it takes courage to face one’s mistakes, flaws and failures to extract lessons. It took courage for me to step back into the world after years of fatigue and doubting myself. I had to build my confidence and learn to back myself when it seemed like no-one else would.

I registered a company last year and started to work on other offerings besides my book. I created workshops, a training course and did public relations to promote my book on TV, radio and print. I joined networking groups to meet other entrepreneurs and I learnt how to promote my offerings. I polished skills in public speaking by reaching my advanced Toastmaster level. I also invested in skills and knowledge in the areas of sales and marketing. It was scary because even though I knew I could not immediately make money, I had to commit to this path I’m on because I could not go backwards to a career path that made me so ill.

I spent this year (2019) writing my second book, Harnessing Stress. I kept reminding myself how everyone told me that I could not make money by being a writer but when it came down to the core of what I want to do each day and what I prioritize, it’s always the writing. Writing the book also brought me the most joy and I gained in ways that I did not expect to.

Through my networking, I was able to secure 50 interviews and 300 people to do an online survey. The data I extracted was so meaningful and added depth to my book. The interviews were an intensely fulfilling part of the experience. As an introvert, it’s hard for me to call a stranger and ask for an hour of their time. I also ask them about the worst things that have happened to them and how they have grown from it. I expected people to refuse to divulge sensitive information to someone they had just met, but I experienced the opposite. People told me about traumas, grief and harrowing experiences that made me appreciate my own life so much more. They shared their lowest moments, their issues with mental health and their bowel problems. Of course, I kept their confidence and I wrote about them in a way that respects their privacy.

I had fun with the process of developing the book in the agile development method. I enlisted 36 people to provide feedback over a period of six months, with one chapter released per month. I received wonderful input from questions about why I included some things, too few commas, typographical errors and experiences that the readers shared with me that related to what they read about. I was able to generate new content based on what they offered and gain the knowledge that what I was writing about, was meaningful. This process allowed me to create a more valuable product than I would have created on my own, and I’m so grateful to them for it.

And all the while, in the background, I’m worrying about spending time on something that may not bring in a lot of money. In fact, it costs money to create. I recorded my planned budget and all the costs that were associated with the book. I need to sell 191 more paperback books direct (not taking into account in-store or eBook sales) to break even. Sales are going well so far and I believe that I will manage to make a profit on the book, but it certainly doesn’t pay the bills.

I celebrated the release of the book at a launch last week. It was a lot of preparation, it cost quite a bit and many things went wrong at the last minute. As someone who has to watch her energy levels since getting so sick, it took a chunk out of me. It was also tough being the centre of attention for the night since I’m used to being someone who is in the background, supporting others.

However, I looked around at the 50 people who came to support me and I was overwhelmed. For most of my life, I’ve felt unsupported and it’s one of those things that I thought I’d have to accept - that I’m on my own in life and I just have to support myself. But everyone there was supporting me, either by just being part of the celebration or buying a book for themselves or as a gift for someone else. For the first time in more years than I can remember, I felt fully supported by wonderful people, my family and myself. It felt so right and for the first time in many years, I felt successful.

We often measure success with money or likes on social media. By the forms of measurement other people use to evaluate success, I might not appear successful. But I feel successful for a number of reasons. I delivered something that I’m so proud of and that adds value to the world in a way that alleviates suffering. It has great meaning for me to contribute in this way. I am also clear that the work I do surrounding my books adds value and that people can benefit from what I have learnt and have to share. I also have a family that is happy and behind me, a beautiful home and friends who mean so much to me. My health is good after years of struggle and I am deeply content with the life I lead and with who I am.

Work can be defined in many ways but it’s so clear to me that writing is my calling. It may bring in the smallest amount of money relative to other offerings I have, but it its my core product because at heart, I’m a writer. I no longer apologize for it or try to pretend I’m anything else in case people shake their heads in pity. The joy I gain from doing what I do can only lead to financial success in the future and it’s okay not to know what that looks like for now. I’m just at peace feeling successful and being myself.