Finally achieving life/work balance

I write this hopefully not from a position of hypocrisy, but from a position where I feel like I've finally accomplished a personal goal.  First, I'd like to share a personal story:

Many years ago, I was involved in a highly visible project which was scheduled to take 18 months and involved penalties if we missed our timeframe.  After the first few months, I found myself literally in the middle of everything and heavily relied upon by many other groups. I really enjoyed this moment in my career, as I've learned I have a bit of what I call a "hero complex" where I like to swoop in and save the day.  That said, my regular work week consisted of 18 hour days with occasional weekend efforts. During the holidays that year, my father-in-law announced he was taking us all on an all-expense paid week-long Caribbean cruise in March of the next year. We were all quite excited, none more than me as I figured the project would be wrapping up for me just as this vacation approached.

During the week before my vacation, all of the project managers involved knew they would lose me soon, so they scheduled even more of my time to be in the office.  I told my family that this week would be brutal but I'll be fully present on vacation. I spent the week alternating between having energy drinks and protein shakes as I didn't really have time for proper meals.  Once 6pm Friday arrived, I went home to hurriedly pack for vacation.

I enjoyed a "bon voyage" cocktail with an enormous sense of relief that I could finally relax and reconnect with my family.  I skipped dinner that night because I felt really tired and excused myself to go sleep. My wife woke me up the next day to get ready for dinner - yes, you read correctly, for dinner.  I slept nearly 24 hours. I still felt very tired, and certainly not myself, but she mentioned filet mignon was being served, and I wasn’t going to miss out on my favorite meal. I was so excited for dinner, but I found myself struggling to stay awake or follow conversations.  I excused myself to return to our stateroom, where I proceeded to fall asleep yet again. My wife woke me briefly to see if I wanted to eat - I politely declined and fell right back to sleep.

Again, the next day, my wife woke me up to get ready for dinner.  As we were getting ready, I said I thought I was feeling a bit better, but that we could go visit the infirmary on the ship if eating didn't help me improve.  I had a few spoonfuls of soup but found I had no appetite. After she finished her dinner, she insisted we go to the infirmary. After some routine questions and examinations, the doctor concluded I was dehydrated.  I thought all I would have to do is drink more water and I'd feel better, but instead I was admitted to a bed for overnight observation and attached to intravenous fluids! Once I was discharged, I went back to bed yet again.  I effectively slept through five of the seven days of our cruise.

When I returned to work after that "vacation" - I realized my working too much led to me missing out on almost all of my vacation.  I vowed to make a change, and yet I struggled with actually following through on that because I had set a precedent and expectation not only as part of my "personal brand" but of the rest of my team.  We accomplished so much so quickly with so few people that it became the expectation.

When I moved on to another organization, I thought it would be a chance to reset expectations and finally get my life/work balance in check.  I don't have another horror story to share as nothing as bad happened again, but I found myself wondering why I was falling back into the same habits.  It would be easy to blame the "company" - but the only common component to this pattern was me.

I seized my chance to change and reset expectations at my next career change.  Not with the new company, necessarily, but with myself. I began to fully practice what I preached to those on my team - "own your schedule and stick to it."  This means that when I block time on my calendar, it's non-negotiable (especially if it's family related). Anytime someone asks for this time, or suggests travel that could encroach on it, I politely decline.  The work will always be sitting there, waiting for me. I've taken some further steps by muting apps on my phone related to work after business hours. If something is truly urgent, someone will call or text me.  Even further still, I set my phone up for "do not disturb" with no exceptions for anyone but close family during my usual sleeping hours.

Best of all is how I'm fully supported in this approach in my current organization.  In fact, this post was motivated by a recent conversation with my colleagues outlining the importance of a healthy life/work balance.  A few "lessons learned" we all agreed on:

• Do not look at work-related e-mail when you're done with work for the day.  No exceptions. Why ruin your non-working hours worrying about work?
• Disable alerts from work-related services (Slack, etc).  Same reason - your time is your time.
• Don't check anything related to work when you have chosen to take paid time off.

I recognize these are all easier to say than they are to do.  I speak from personal experience that I'm far more productive and happy at work by following these points, and I'm grateful to work somewhere that supports this approach.  I used my movement between companies as opportunity to change, but you don’t need to go to that length. Start now, right now, after reading this, by implementing one of the ideas mentioned here.  Filet mignon is easier to enjoy one bite at a time rather than trying to swallow it whole!